THE PROVOST

THE PROVOST

THE PROVOST
BY JOHN GALT

ILLUSTRATED IN COLOUR

BY JOHN M. AIKEN

TNFOULIS
London & Edinburgh

Published October 1913

Turnbull & Spears, Printers, Edinburgh

LIST OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION page 3

I. THE FORECAST 9

II. A KITHING 15

III. A DIRGIE . . . V . . 21

IV. THE GUILDRY , ^ > . • 27

V. THE FIRST CONTESTED ELECTION . . 35
VI. THE FAILURE OF BAILIE M 'LUCRE . . 43

VII. THE BRIBE . . . . . . 47

VIII. ON THE CHOOSING OF A MINISTER . . 57

IX. AN EXECUTION . . V . . . 67

X. A RIOT 75

XI. POLICY ...... 85

XII. THE SPY Ql

XIII. THE MEAL MOB . ... . . 99

XIV. THE SECOND PROVOSTRY . . .109

XV. ON THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE STREETS . 115

XVI. ABOUT THE REPAIR OF THE KIRK . . 123

XVII. THE LAW PLEA. 129

XVIII. THE SUPPRESSION OF THE FAIRS . . 137

XIX. THE VOLUNTEERING . . .; . 143

XX. THE CLOTHING . . . . , V 151

XXI. THE PRESSGANG . . . V . 155

XXII. THE WIG DINNER 165

XXIII. THE DEATH OF MR M'LUCRE . . . 171

XXIV. THE WINDY YULE . . . . 177
XXV. THE SUBSCRIPTION .... 185

XXVI. OF THE PUBLIC LAMPS . . . . 191

XXVII. THE PLAINSTONES . . . . 1 99

XXVIII. THE SECOND CROP OF VOLUNTEERS . 207

XXIX. CAPTAIN ARMOUR . . . .217

THE PROVOST

xxx. THE TRADES' BALL . . . page 225

xxxi. THE BAILIE'S HEAD . . .231

XXXII. THE TOWN DRUMMER . . . .237

XXXIII. AN ALARM .... . 243

XXXIV. THE COUNTRY GENTRY . . . .249
XXXV. TESTS OF SUCCESS . . • 255

XXXVI. RETRIBUTION . . . .261

XXXVII. THE DUEL ... . . 269

XXXVIII. AN INTERLOCUTOR . . .279

XXXIX. THE NEWSPAPER . . . . 287

XL. THE SCHOOL-HOUSE SCHEME . . 295

XLI. BENEFITS OF NEUTRALITY . . . 303

XLII. THE NEW MEMBER .... 309

XLIII. MY THIRD PROVOSTRY . . . • 3J7

XLIV. THE CHURCH VACANT . • 327

XLV. THE STRAMASH IN THE COUNCIL . . 333

XLVI. THE NEW COUNCILLORS . . 343

XLVII. THE RESIGNATION . . . • 351

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

From Water-colour Drawings by

JOHN M. AIKEN
THE PROVOST . . . . . ... . Frontispiece

THE GRACE AT THE FUNERAL . . • . page 8

BAILIE WEEZLE ... . . . . 24

BEGGARS . . . . . . . 40

THE WINDY YULE . . . . . . 56

THE MINISTER . . . . . ... 88

THE TOWN HERD . . . . . 104

THE DOMINIE . . . 15^

FLORA ..... . 2OO

MRS PAWKIE . . 232
THE SNUFFER . ... 280

HIS LORDSHIP . . . 328-

INTRODUCTION

THE PROVOST INTRODUCTION

DURING A RECENT VISIT TO THE WEST
Country, among other old friends we paid our respects
to Mrs Pawkie,the relict of the Provost of that name,
who three several times enjoyed the honour of being
chief magistrate in Gudetown. Since the death of her
worthy husband, and the comfortable settlement in
life of her youngest daughter, Miss Jenny, who was
married last year to Mr Caption, writer to the signet,
she has been, as she told us herself, "becking in the
lown o' the conquest which the gudeman had, wi' sic
an ettling o' pains and industry, gathered for his
family."

Our conversation naturally diverged into various
topics, and, among others, we discoursed at large on
the manifold improvements which had taken place,
both in town and country, since we had visited the
Royal Burgh. This led the widow, in acomplimentary
way, to advert to the hand which, it is alleged, we have
had in the editing of that most excellent work, entit-
led," Annals of the Parish of Dalmailing," intimating,
that she hadabookin the handwriting of her deceased
husband, the Provost, filled with a variety of most curi-
ous matter; in her opinion, of far more consequence
to the world than any book that we had ever been con-
cerned in putting out.

Considering the veneration in which MrPawkie had
been through life regarded by his helpmate, we must
confess that her eulogium on the merits of his work
3

THE PROVOST

did not impress us with the most pro found persuasion
that it was really deserving of much attention. Polite-
ness,however, obliged us to express an earnest desire
to see the volume, which, after some little hesitation,
was produced Judge, then, of the nature of our emo-
tions, when,in cursorily turning over a fewof thewell-
penned pages, we found that it far surpassed every
thing the lady had said in its praise. Such, indeed was
oursurprise,thatwe couldnot refrain from openly and
at once assuring her, that the delight and satisfaction
which it was calculated to afford, rendered it aduty on
her part to lose no time in submitting it to the public;
and, after lavishing a panegyric on the singular and
excellent qualities of the author, which was all most
delicious to his widow, we concluded with a delicate
insinuation of the pleasure we should enjoy, in being
made the humble instrument of introducing to the
knowledge of mankind a volume so replete and en-
riched with the fruits of his practical wisdom. Thus,
partly by a judicious administration of flattery, and
partly also by solicitation, backed by an indirect pro-
posal to share the profits, we succeeded in persuading
Mrs Pawkie to allow us to take the valuable manu-
script to Edinburgh, in order to prepare it for public-
ation.

Having obtained possession of the volume, we lost
no time till we had made ourselves master of its con-
tents. It appeared to consist of a series of detached

4

INTRODUCTION

notes, which, together, formed something analogous
to an historical view of the different important and
interesting scenes and affairs the Provost had been
personally engaged in duringhis long magisterial life.
We found, however, that the concatentation of the me-
moranda which he had made of public transactions,
was in several places interrupted by the insertion of
matternot in the leastdegreeinterestingtothenation
at large; and that, in arranging the work for the press,
it would be requisite and proper to omit many of the
notes and much of the record, in order to preserve the
historical coherency of the narrative. But in doing this,
the text has been retained inviolate, in so much that
while we congratulate the world on the addition we
are thus enabled to make to the stock of publicknow-
ledge, we cannot but felicitate ourselves on the com-
plete and consistent form into which we have so suc-
cessfully reduced our precious materials; the separ-
ation of which, from the dross of personal and private
anecdote, was a task of no small difficulty; such, in-
deed, as the editors only of the autographic memoirs
of other great men can duly appreciate.

CHAPTER ONE
THE FORECAST

THE PROVOST BY JOHN GALT
CHAPTER ONE THE FORECAST

IT MUST BE ALLOWED IN THE WORLD,

that a man who has thrice reached the highest station
of life in his line, has a good right to set forth the par-
ticulars of the discretion and prudence by which he
lifted himself so far above theordinaries of hisday and
generation- indeed, the generality of mankind may
claim this as a duty ; for the conduct of public men, as
it has been often wisely said, is a species of public pro-
perty, and their rules and observances have in all ages
been considered things of a national concernment. I
have therefore well weighed the importance itmaybe
of to posterity, to know by what means I have thrice
been made an instrument to represent the supreme
power and authority of Majesty in the royal burgh of
Gudetown, and how I deported myself in that honour
and d ignity,so much to the satisfaction of my superiors
in the state and commonwealth of the land, to say
little of the great respect in which I was held by the
townsfolk, and far less of the terror that I was to evil-
doers. But not to be over circumstantial, I propose to
confine this history of my life to the public portion
thereof, on the which account I will take up the be-
ginning at the crisis when I first entered into business,
after having served more than a year above my time,
with the late Mr Thomas Remnant, than whom there
was not a more creditable man in the burgh; and he
died in the possession of the functionaries and facul-
9

THE PROVOST

ties of town-treasurer, much respected by all ac-
quainted with his orderly and discreet qualities.

Mr Remnant was, in his younger years, when the
growth of luxury and prosperity had not come to such
a head as it has done since, a tailor that went out to
the houses of the adjacent lairds and country gentry,
whereby he got an inkling of the policy of the world,
that could not have been gathered in any other way
by a man of his station and degree of life. In process
of time he came to be in a settled way, and when I was
bound 'prentice to him, he had three regular journey-
men and a cloth shop. It was thereforenotso much for
learning the tailoring, as to get an insight in the con-
formity between the traffic of the shop and the board
that I was bound to him, being destined by my parents
for the profession appertaining to the former, and to
conjoin thereto something of the mercery and haber-
dashery: my uncle, that had been a sutler in the army
along with General Wolfe, who made a conquest of
Quebec, having left me a legacy of three hundred
pounds because I was called after him, the which
legacy was a consideration for to set me up in due
season in some genteel business.

Accordingly, as I have narrated, when I had passed
a year over my 'prenticeship with Mr Remnant, I took
up the corner shop at the Cross, facing the Tolbooth;
andhavinghaditadornedinabefittingmanner,about
a month before the summer fair thereafter, I opened

10

THE FORECAST

it on that day, with an excellent assortment of goods,
the best, both for taste and variety, that had ever been
seen in the burghofGudetown; and the winter follow-
ing,fmdingby my books that I was in a way to do so,
I married my wife: she was daughter toMrsBroderip,
who kept the head inn in Irville,and by whose death,
in the fall of the next year, we got a nest egg,that,with-
out a vain pretension, I may say we have not failed to
lay upon, and clock to some purpose.

Being thus settled in a shop and in life, I soon found
that I had a part to perform in the public world; but
I looked warily about me before castingmy nets, and
therefore I laid myself out rather to be en treated than
to ask; for I had often heard Mr Remnant observe,that
the nature of man could not abide to see a neighbour
taking place and preferment of his own accord. I there-
fore assumed a coothy and obliging demeanour to-
wards my customers and the community in general;
and sometimes even with the very beggars I found a
jocose saying as well received as a bawbee, although
naturally I dinnathink I was ever what could be called
a funny man, but only just as ye would say a thought
ajee in that way. Howsever, I soon became, both by
habit and repute, a man of popularity in the town, in
so much that it was a shrewd saying of old James
Alpha, the bookseller, that "mair gude jokes were
cracked ilka day in James Pawkie's shop, than in

Thomas Curl, the barber's, on a Saturday night."
ii

CHAPTER TWO
A KITHING

CHAPTER TWO A KITHING

I COULD PLAINLY DISCERN THAT THE
prudent conduct which I had adopted towards the
public was gradually growing into effect. Disputative
neighbours made me their referee, and I became, as
it were, an oracle that was better than the law, in so
much that I settled their controversies without the
expense that attends the same. But what convinced
me more than any other thing that the line I pursued
was verging towards a satisfactory result,was, that the
elderly folk that came into the shop to talk over the
news of the day, and to rehearse the diverse uncos,
both of a national and a domestic nature, used to call
me bailie and my lord; the which jocular derision was
as a symptom and foretaste within their spirits of
what I was ordained to be. Thus was I encouraged,
by little and little, together with a sharp remarking
of the inclination and bent of men's minds, to enter-
tain the hope and assurance of rising to the top of all
the town, as this book maketh manifest, and the in-
cidents thereof will certificate.

Nothing particular, however, came to pass, till my
wife lay in of her second bairn, our daughter Sarah; at
the christening of whom, amongdivers friends and re-
lation s,forbye the minister,we had my father's cousin,
Mr Alexander Clues, that was then deacon convener,
and a man of great potency in his way, and possess-
ed of an influenceinthetown-council of which he was
well worthy, being a person of good discernment, and
15

THE PROVOST

well versed in matters appertaining to the guildry. Mr
Clues,as we weremellowingover the toddy bowl, said,
that by and by the council would be looking to me to
fill up the first gap that might happen therein; and
Dr Swapkirk, the then minister, who had officiated
on the occasion, observed, that it was a thing that, in
the course of nature, could not miss to be, for I had all
the douce demeanour and sagacity which it behoved
a magistrate to possess. But I cannilyreplied, though
I was right contented to hear this, that I had no time
for governing, and it would be more for the advantage
of the commonwealth to look for the counselling of
an older head than mine, happen when a vacancy
might in the town-council.

In this conjunctureof ourdiscoursing,MrsPawkie,
my wife, who was sitting by the fireside in her easy
chair, with a cod at her head, for she had what was
called a sore time o't, said: —

"Na, na, gudeman, ye need na be sae mim; every
body kens, and I ken too, that ye' re ettling at the
magistracy. It's as plain as a pikestaff, gudeman, and
I'll no let ye rest if ye dinna mak me a bailie's wife or

a' be done"

I was not ill pleased to hear Mrs Pawkie so spirit-

ful; but I replied/ Dinna try to stretchyour arm,gude-

wife, further than your sleeve will let you; we maun

ca'cannymonyadayyet beforewe think of dignities."

The which speech, in a way of implication, made

16

A KITHING

Deacon Clues to understand that I would not absol-
utely refuse an honour thrust upon me, while it main-
tained an outward show of humility and moderation.

There was, however, a gleg old carlin among the
gossips then present, one Mrs Sprowl,the widow of a
deceased magistrate, and she cried out aloud: —

"Deacon Clues, Deacon Clues, I redd you no to be-
lieve a word that Mr Pawkie's saying, for that was
the very way my friend that's no more laid himself
out to be fleeched to tak what he was greenan for; so
get him intill the council when ye can: we a' ken he'll
be a credit to the place," and "so here's to the health
of Bailie Pawkie,that is to be," cried Mrs Sprowl. All
present pledged her in the toast, by which we had a
wonderful share of diversion. Nothing, however, im-
mediately rose out of this, but it set men's minds a-
barming and working; so that, before there was any
vacancy in the council, I was considered in a manner
as the natural successor to the first of the counsellors
that might happen to depart this life.

i

B

CHAPTER THREE
A DIRGIE

CHAPTER THREE A DIRGIE

IN THE COURSE OF THE SUMMER FOL-
lowing the baptism, of which I have rehearsed the par-
ticulars in the foregoing chapter, Bailie Mucklehose
happened to die, and as he was a man long and well
respected, he had a great funeral. All the rooms in his
house were filled with company; and it so fell out that,
in the confusion, there was neither minister nor elder
to give the blessing sent into that wherein I was, by
which, when Mr Shavings the wright, with his men,
came in with the service of bread and wine as usual,
there was a demur, and oneafter another of those pre-
sent was asked to say grace; but none of them being
exercised in public prayer, all declined, when Mr
Shavings said to me, "Mr Pawkie, I hope ye'll no
refuse."

I had seen in the process, that not a few of the de-
clinations were more out of the awkward shame of
blateness, than any inherent modesty of nature, or
diffidence of talent ; so, without making a phrase about
the matter, I said the grace, and in such a manner that
I could see it made an impression. Mr Shavings was
at that time deacon of the wrights, and being well
pleased with my conduct on this occasion, when he,
the same night, met the craft, he spoke of it in a com-
mendable manner; and as I understood thereafter, it
wasthoughtby them that thecouncil could not dobet-
ter than make choice of me to the vacancy. In short,
not to spin out the thread of my narration beyond nec-
21

THE PROVOST

essity, let it here suffice to be known, that I was
chosen into the council, partly by the strong handling
of Deacon Shavings, and the instrumentality of other
friends and well-wishers, and not a little by the mod-
eration and prudence with which I had been secretly
ettling at the honour.

Having thus reached to a seat in the council, I dis-
cerned that it behoved me to act with circumspection,
in order to gain a discreet dominion over the same,
and to rule without being felt, which is the great my-
stery of policy. With this intent, I, for some time, took
no active part in the deliberations, but listened, with
the doors of my understanding set wide to the wall,
and the windows of my foresight all open; so that, in
process of time, I became acquainted with the inner
man of the counsellors, and could make a guess, no
far short of the probability, as to what they would be
at, when they were jooking and wising in a round-a-
bout mannerto accomplish their own several wills and
purposes. I soon thereby discovered, that although it
was the custom to deduce reasons from out the in-
terests of the community, for the divers means and
measures that they wanted to bring to a bearing for
their own particular behoof, yet this was not often
very cleverly done,and the cloven foot of self-interest
was nowandthentobe seenaneath the robe of public
principle. I had,therefore,but a straightforward course
to pursue, in order to overcome all their wiles and de-

22

A DIRGIE

vices, the which was to make the interests of the com-
munity, in truth and sincerity, the end and object of
my study, and never to step aside from it for any im-
mediate speciality of profit to myself. Upon this, I
have endeavoured to walk with a constancy of sob-
riety; and although I have, to a certainty, reaped ad-
vantage both in my own person and that of my fam-
ily, no man living can accuse me of having bent any
single thing pertaining to the town and public, from
the natural uprightness of its integrity, in order to
serve my own private ends.

It was, however, some time before an occasion came
to pass, wherein I could bring my knowledge and ob-
servations to operate in anyeffectual mannertowards
a reformation in the management of theburghjindeed,
I saw that no good could be done until I had subdued
the two great factions, into which it may be said the
council was then divided; the one party being strong
for those of the king's government of ministers, and
the other no less vehement on the side of their advers-
aries. I, therefore, without saying a syllable to any
body anent the same, girded myself for the under-
taking, and with an earnest spirit put my shoulder to
the wheel, and never desisted in my endeavours, till I
had got the cart up the brae, and the whole council
reduced into a proper state of subjection to the will
and pleasure of his majesty, whose deputies and a-
gents I have ever considered all inferior magistrates
23

THE PROVOST

to be, ad ministering and exercising, as they do, their
power and authority in his royal name.

The ways and means, however, by which this \\ .is
brought to pass, supply matter for another chapter;
and after this, it is not my intent to say any thing
moreconcerningmy principles and opinions, but only
to show forth the course and current of things pro-
ceeding out of the affairs, in which I was so called to
form a part requiring no small endeavour
and diligence.

BAILIE WEEZLE

CHAPTER FOUR
THE GUILDRY

CHAPTER FOUR THE GUILDRY

WHEN, AS IS RELATED IN THE FOREGO-

ing chapter, I had nourished my knowledge of the
council into maturity, I began to cast about for the
means of exercising the same towards a satisfactory
issue. Butinthis I found a great difficulty, arising from
the policy and conduct of Mr Andrew M'Lucre, who
had a sort of infeftment, as may be said, of the office
of dean of guild, having for many years been allowed
to intromit and manage the same; by which, as was
insinuated by his adversaries, no little grist came to
his mill. For it had happened from a very ancient date,
as far back, I have heard, as the time of Queen Anne,
when the union of the kingdoms was brought to abear-
ing, that the dean of guild among us, for some reason
or another,had the upper hand in thesetting and grant-
ing of tacks of the town lands, in the doing of which
it was j ealoused that the predecessors of Mr M 'Lucre,
notosayanill wordof him, honest man, got their loofs
creeshed with something that might be called agras-
sum, or rather, a gratis gift. It therefore seemed to me
that there was a necessity for some reformation in the
office, and I foresaw that the same would never beac-
complished, unless I couldget Mr M'Lucre wised out
of it, and myself appointed his successor. But in this
lay the obstacle; for every thing anent the office was,
as it were, in his custody, and it was well known that
hehad an interest in keeping by that which, in vulgar
parlance, is called nine points of the law. However,
27

THE PROVOST

both for thepublic good and a convenience to myself,
I was resolved to get a finger in the dean of guild's fat
pie, especially as I foresaw that, in the course of three
or four years, some of the best tacks would run out,
and it would be a great thing to the magistrate that
might have the disposal of the new ones. Therefore,
withoutseeming to haveany foresightconcerningthe
landsthatwere coming on tobe out of lease, I set my-
self to constrain Mr M'Lucre to give up the guildry,as
it were, of his own free-will; and what helped me well
to this, was a rumour that came down from London,
that there was to be a dissolution of the parliament.

The same day that this news reached the town, I
was standingat my shop-door, between dinner and tea-
time. It was a fine sunny summerafternoon. Standing
under the blessed influence of the time by myself at
my shop-door, who should I see passing along the
crown of the causey, but Mr M'Lucrehimself, and with
a countenance knotted with care, little in unison with
the sultry indolence of that sunny day.

"Whar awa sae fast, dean o' guild?" quo' I to him;
and he stopped his wide stepping, for he was a long
spare man, and looting in his gait.

"I'm just," said he, "taking a step to the provost's,
to learn the particulars of thir great news — for, as we
aretohae thecasting vote in the next election, there's
no saying the good it may bring to us all gin we man-
age it wi' discretion."

28

THE GUILDRY

I reflected the while of a minute before I made any
reply, and then I said —

"Iwouldhaenaedoubt of the matter, Mr M'Lucre,
could it be brought about to get you chosen for the
delegate; but I fear, as ye are only dean of guild this
year, that's no to be accomplished; and really, with-
out the like of you, our borough, in the contest, may
be driven to the wall."

"Contest! "cried the dean of guild, with great eager-
ness; "wha told you that we are to be contested?"

Nobody had told me,norat the moment was I sens-
ible of the force of what I said; but, seeing the effect
it had on Mr M'Lucre, I replied —

" It does not, perhaps, just now, do forme to be more
particular, and I hope what I have said to you will
gang no further; but it's a great pity that ye'renoeven
a bailie this year, far less the provost, otherwise I would
have great confidence."

"Then,"said the dean of guild,"you have reason to
believe that there is to be a dissolution, and that we
are to be contested?"

"Mr M'Lucre, dinna speer any questions," was my
answer,"but look at that and say nothing;"so I pulled
out of my pocket a letter that had been franked to me
by the earl. The letter was from James Portoport, his
lordship's butler, who had been a waiter with Mrs
Pawkie's mother, and he was inclosing to me a five-
pound note to be given to an auld aunty that was in
29

THE PROVOST

need. But the dean of guild knew nothing of ourcor-
respondence,norwasit required that he should. How-
ever, when he saw my lord's franking, he said, "Are
the boroughs, then, really and truly to be contested?"

"Come into the shop, Mr M'Lucre," said I sedately;
"come in, and hear what I have to say."

And he came in, and I shut and barred the half-
door, in order that we might not be suddenly inter-
rupted.

"You are a man of experience, Mr M'Lucre," said
I, "and have a knowledge of the world, that a young
man, like me, would be a fool to pretend to. But I have
shown you enough to convince you that I would not
be worthy of a trust, were I to answer any improper
questions. Ye maun, therefore, gie me some small
credit for a little discretion in this matter, while I put
a question to yourself. — "Is there no a possibility of
gettingyoumadetheprovost at Michaelmas, or, atthe
very least, a bailie, to the end that ye might be chosen
delegate,it beingan unusual thingfor any body under
the degree of a bailie to be chosen thereto?"

"I have been so long in theguildry," was his thought-
ful reply, "that I fear it canna be very well managed
without me."

"Mr M'Lucre," said I, and I took him cordially by
the hand, "athought has just entered my head. Could-
na we manage this matter between us? It's true I'm
but a novice in public affairs, and with the mystery of

30

THE GUILDRY

the guildry quite unacquaint — if, however, you could
be persuaded to allow yourself to be made a bailie,
I would, subject to your directions, undertake the
office of dean of guild, and all this might be so con-
certed between us, that nobody would ken the nature
of our paction — for, to be plain with you, it's no to be
hoped that such a young counsellor as myself can
reasonably expect to be raised, so soon as next Mich-
aelmas, to the magistracy, and there is not another
in the council that I would like to see chosen delegate
at the election but yourself."

MrM'Lucreswithered a littleat this, fearing to part
with the bird he had in hand; but, in the end, he said,
that he thought what was proposed no out of the way,
and that he would have no objection to be a bailie for
the next year, on condition that I would, in the follow-
ing, let him again be dean of guild, even though he
should be called a Michaelmas mare, for it did not so
well suit him to be a bailie as to be dean of guild, in
which capacity he had been long used.

I guessed in this that he had a vista in view of the
tacks and leases thatwerebelyvetofallin,andlsaid —

"Nothing can be more reasonable, MrM'Lucre; for
the office of dean of guild must be a very fashious one,
to folks like me, no skilled in its particularities; and
I'm sure I'll be right glad and willing to give it up,
whenwehaegotourpresentturnserved. — Buttokeep
a' things quiet between us, let us no appear till after

THE PROVOST

the election overly thick; indeed, for a season, we
maun fight, as it were, under different colours."

Thus was the seed sown of a great reformation in
the burgh, the sprouting whereof I purposetodescribe
in due season.

CHAPTER FIVE
THE FIRST CONTESTED ELECTION

CHAPTER FIVE

THE FIRST CONTESTED ELECTION

THE SOUGH OF THE DISSOLUTION OF
parliament, during the whole of the summer, grew
stronger and stronger, and Mr M'Lucre and me were
seemingly pulling at opposite ends of the rope. There
was nothingthat he proposed in the council but what
I set myself against with such bir and vigour, that
sometimes he could scarcely keep his temper, even
whilehe was laughinginhissleevetoseehowthe other
members of the corporation were beglammered. At
length Michaelmas drew near, when I, to show, as it
were, that no ill blood had been bred on my part, not-
withstanding our bickerings, proposed in the council
that Mr M'Lucre should be the new bailie; and he on
his part, to manifest, in return, that there was as little
heart-burning on his, said "he would have no objec-
tions; but then he insisted that I should consent to be
dean of guild in his stead."

"It's true," said he in the council on that occasion,
"that Mr Pawkie is as yet but a greenhorn in the
concerns of the burgh: however, he'll never learn
younger, and if he'll agree to this, I'll gie him all the
help and insight that my experience enables me to
afford."

At the first, I pretended that really, as was the truth,
I had no knowledge of what were the duties of dean
of guild ; but after some fleeching from the other coun-
cillors, I consented to have the office, as it were, forced

35

THE PROVOST

uponme;soIwasmadedeanofguild,andMrM'Lucre
the new bailie.

By and by, when the harvest in England was over,
theparliamentwasdissolved,butnocandidatestarted
on my lord's interest, as was expected by Mr M'Lucre,
and he began to fret and be dissatisfied that he had
ever consented to allow himself tobehood winked out
of the guildry. However, just three days before the
election, and at the dead hour of the night, the sound
of chariot wheels and of horsemen was heard in our
streets; and this was Mr Galore, the great Indian na-
bob, that had bought the Beerland estates, and built
the grand place that is called Lucknoo House, coming
from London, with the influence of the crown on his
side, to oppose the old member. He drove straight to
Provost Picklan's house, having, as we afterwards
found out, been in a secret correspondence with him
through the medium of Mrs Picklan, who was conjunct
in the business with Miss Nelly, the nabob's maiden
sister. Mr M'Lucre was not a little confounded at this,
for he had imagined that I was the agent on behalf of
my lord, who was of the government side, so he wist
not what to do, in the morning when he came to me,
till I said to him briskly —

"Ye ken, bailie, that ye're trysted to me, and it's
our duty to support the nabob, who is both able and
willing, as I have good reason to think, to requite our
services in a very grateful manner."Thiswasacordial

36

THE FIRST CONTESTED ELECTION

to his spirit, and, without more ado, we both of us set
to work to get the bailie made the delegate. In this I
had nothing in view but the good of my country by
pleasuring, as it was my duty, his majesty's govern-
ment, for I was satisfied with my situation as dean of
guild. But the handling required no small slight of
skill.

The first thing was, to persuade those that were on
the side of the old member to elect Mr M'Lucre for
delegate, he being, as we had concerted, openly de-
clared for that interest, and the benefit to be gotten
thereby having, by use and wont, been at an estab-
lished and regular rate. The next thing was to get
some of those that were with me on my lord's side,
kept out of the way on the day of choosing the dele-
gate; for we were the strongest, and could easily have
returned the provost, but I had no clear notion how
it would advantage me to make the provost delegate,
as was proposed. I therefore, on the morning of the
business, invited three of the council to take their
breakfast with me, for the ostensible purpose of going
in a body to the council chamber to choose the pro-
vost delegate; but when we were at breakfast, John
Snakers,mylad in the shop, by my suggestion, warily
gotabaleof broad clothsotumbled, as it were by acci-
dent, at the door, that it could not be opened; for it
bent the keyinsuch a manner in the lock, and crooket
the sneck, that without a smith there was no egress,
37

THE PROVOST

and sorrow a smith was to be had. All were out and
around the tolbooth waiting for the upshot of the
choosingthe delegate. Those that saw me in the mean
time, would have thought I had gone demented. I
ramped and I stamped; I banned and I bellowed like
desperation. My companions,noabit better,flew flut-
tering to the windows, like wild birds to the wires of
their cage. However, to make a long tale short, Bailie
M'Lucrewas,bymeansofthisdevice,chosendelegate,
seemingly against my side. But oh! he was a slee tod,
for no sooner was he so chosen, than he began to act
for his own behoof; and that very afternoon, while both
partieswereholdingtheirpublic dinner, hesentround
the bell to tell that the potato crop on his back rig was
to be sold by way of public roup the same day. There
wasna one in the town that had reached the years of
discretion, but kent what na sort of potatoes he was
going to sell; and I was so disturbed bythisopen cor-
ruption, that I went to him, and expressed my great
surprise. Hot wordsensued between us; and I told him
very plainly that I would have nothing further to say
to him or his political profligacy. However, his pota-
toes were sold, and brought upwards of three guineas
the peck, the nabob being the purchaser, who, toshow
hiscontentment with the bargain,made Mrs M'Lucre,
andthebailie'sthreedaughters,presentsofnewgowns
and princods, that were not stuffed with wool.
In the end, as a natural consequence, Bailie

38

THE FIRST CONTESTED ELECTION

M 'Lucre, as delegate, voted for the Nabob, and the old
member was thereby thrown out. But although the
governmentcandidatein this manner won theday,yet
I was so displeased by the jookerie of the bailie, and
the selfish manner by which he had himself reaped all
the advantage of the election in the sale of his potatoes,
that we had no correspondence on public affairs till
long after; so that he never had the face to ask me to
give up the guildry,till I resigned it of my own accord
afterthe renewal of the tacks to which I have alluded,
by the which renewals, a great increase was effected in
the income of the town.

BEGGARS

CHAPTER SIX
THE FAILURE OF BAILIE M'LUCRE

CHAPTER SIX

THE FAILURE OF BAILIE M'LUCRE

BAILIE M'LUCRE, AS I HAVE ALREADY
intimated, was naturallyagreedybody,andnotbeing
content with the profits of his potatoe rig, soon after
the election he set up as an o'er-sea merchant, buying
beef and corn by agency in Ireland, and having the
samesent to the Glasgow market. For some time, this
traffic yielded him a surprising advantage; but the
summer does not endure the wholeyear round, nor was
his prosperity ordained to be of a continuance. One
mishap befell him after another; cargoes of his corn
heated in the vessels, because he would not sell at a
losing price, and so entirely perished; and merchants
broke, that were inhis debt largesumsforhisbeef and
provisions. I n short, in the course of the third year from
the time of the election, he was rookit of every plack
hehadintheworld,andwasobligatedtotakethebene-
fit of thedivor's bill, soon after whichhewentsuddenly
away from the town, on the pretence of going into
Edinburgh, on some businessof legality withhis wife's
brother, with whom hehad entered intoapleaconcern-
ing the moiety of a steading at the town-head. But he
did not stop on any such concern there; on the con-
trary, he was off, and up to London in a trader from
Leith, to try if he could get a post in the government
by the aid of the nabob, our member; who, by all ac-
counts, was hand and glove with the king's ministers.
The upshot of this journey to London was very com-
43

THE PROVOST

ical; and when the bailie afterwards came back, and
him and me were again on terms of visitation, many
a jocose night we spent overthe story of the same; for
the bailie was a kittle hand at a bowl of toddy; and
his adventure was so droll, especially in the way he
was wont to rehearse the particulars, that it cannot
fail to be an edification to posterity, to read and hear
how it happened, and all about it. I may therefore
take leave to digress into the circumstantials,by way
of lightening for a time the seriousness of the sober
and important matter, whereof it is my intent that
this book shall be a register and record
to future times.

CHAPTER SEVEN
THE BRIBE

CHAPTER SEVEN THE BRIBE

MR M'LUCRE, GOING TO LONDON, AS I

have intimated in the foregoing chapter, remained
there,absent from us altogether about the space of six
weeks; and when he came home, he was plainly an
altered man, beingsometimes very jocose, and atother
times lookingabout himas if he had been haunted by
some ill thing. Moreover, Mrs Spell, that had the post-
officefrom thedecease of her husband, Deacon Spell,
told among her kimmers, that surely the bailie had a
great correspondence with the king and government,
for that scarce a week passed without a letter from him
to our member, or a letter from the member to him.
This bred no small consideration among us; and I was
som eho w a thought uneasy thereat, not knowing what
the bailie, now that he was out of theguildry, might be
saying anent the use and wont that had been pract-
ised therein, and never more than in his own time.
At length, the babe was born.

One evening, as I was sitting at home, after closing
the shop for the night, and conversing concerning the
augmentation of our worldly affairs with Mrs Pawkie
and the bairns — it was a damp raw night; I mind it
just as well as if it had been only yestreen — who should
make his appearance at the room door but the bailie
himself, and a blithe face he had?

"It's a' settled now," cried he, as he entered with a
triumphantvoice; "the siller's my ain, and I can keep
it in spite of them; I don't value them now a cutty -

47

THE PROVOST

spoon; no, not a doit; no the worth of that; nora' their
sproseaboutNewgateandthepillory;" — andhesnap-
ped his fingers with an aspect of great courage.

"Hooly, hooly, bailie," said I; "what's a' this for?"
and then he replied, taking his seat beside me at the
fireside — "The plea with the custom-house folk at
London is settled, or rather, there canna be a plea at
a', so firm and true is the laws of England on my side,
and the liberty of the subject."

All this was Greek and Hebrew to me; but it was
plain that the bailie, in his jaunt, had been guilty of
some notourthing, wherein thecustom-house wascon-
cerned, and that hethoughtall the world was acquaint
with the same. However, no to balk him in any com-
municationhe might bedisposedtomakeme,! said:— -

"What ye say, bailie, is great news, and I wish you
meikle joy, for I have had my fears about your situ-
ation for some time; but now that the business is
brought to such a happy end, I would like to hear all
the true particulars of the case; and that your tale
and tidings sha'na lack sleekening, I'll get in the tod-
dy bowl and the gardevin; and with that, I winket to
the mistress to take the bairns to their bed, and bade
Jenny Hachle,that was then our fee'd servant lass, to
gar the kettle boil. Poor Jenny has long since fallen
into a great decay of circumstances, for she was not
overly snod and cleanly in her service; and so, in time,
wore out the endurance of all the houses and families

THE BRIBE

that fee'd her, till nobody would take her; by which
she was in a manner cast on Mrs Pawkie's hands;
who, on account of her kindliness towards the bairns
in their childhood, has given her a howf among us.
But, to go on with what I was rehearsing; the toddy
being ordered, and all things on the table, the bailie,
when we were quiet by ourselves, began to say —

"Ye kenweel,Mr Pawkie,what I did at the'lection
for themember,and how angry ye were yoursel about
it, and a' that. But ye were greatly mista'en in think-
ing that I got ony effectual fee at the time, over and
above the honest price of my potatoes; which ye were
as free to bid for, had ye liket, as either o' the candid-
ates. I'll no deny, however, that the nabob, before he
left the town, made some small presents to my wife
anddochter; but thatwas no fault o' mine. Howsever,
when a' was o'er, and I could discern that ye were
mindet to keep the guildry, I thought, after the wreck
o' my provision concern, I might throw mair bread
on the water and not find it, than by a bit jaunt to
London to see how my honourable friend, the nabob,
was coming on in his place in parliament, as I saw
none of his speeches in the newspaper.

"Well, ye see, Mr Pawkie, I gae'd up to London in
a trader from Leith; and by the use of a gude Scotch
tongue, the whilk was the main substance o' a' the
bairns' part o' gear that I inherited from my parents,
I found out the nabob's dwelling, in the west end o'
49 D

THE PROVOST

the town of London; and find ing out the nabobs dwell-
ing, I wen t and rappit at the door, which a bardy flunkie
opened, and speer't what I wantit, as if I was a thing
no fit tobe lifted off a midden witha pair of iron tongs.
Like master, like man, thought Itomyself; and there-
upon, taking heart no to be put out, I replied to the
whipper-snapper — Tm Bailie M'Lucre o'Gudetown,
and maun hae a word wi' his honour.'

"The cur lowered his birsses at this, and replied, in
a mair ceeveleezed style of language, 'Master is not
at home.' But I kent what not at home means in the
morning at a gentleman's door in London; so I said,
1 Very weel, as I hae had a long walk, I'll e'en rest my-
self and wait till he come;' and with that, I plumpit
down on one of the mahogany chairs in the trance.
The lad, seeing that I was na to be jookit, upon this
answered me, by saying, he would go and enquire if
his master would be at home to me; and theshort and
the long o't was, that I got at last an audience o' my
honourable friend.

" * Well, bailie,' said he, ' I 'm glad to see you in Lon-
don,' and a hantle o' ither courtly glammer that's no
worth a repetition; and, from less to mair, we proceed-
ed to sift into the matterandend of my coming to ask
the help o' his hand to get me a post in the govern-
ment. But I soon saw, that wi a' the phraseology that
lay at his tongue end during the election, about his
power and will to serve us, his ain turn ser't, he cared

50

THE BRIBE

little for me. Howsever, after tarrying some time, and
going to him every day, at long and last he got me a
tide-waiter'splaceatthecustom-house;apoor hungry
situation, no worth the grassum at a new tack of the
warst land in the town's aught. But minnows are better
than nae fish, and a tide-waiter's place was a step to-
wards a better, if I could have waited. Luckily, how-
ever, for me, a flock of fleets and ships frae the East
and West Indies came in a' thegither; and there was
sic a stress for tide-waiters, that before I was sworn in
and tested, I was sent down to a grand ship in the Mal-
abar trade frae China, loaded with tea and other rich
commodities; the captain whereof, a discreet man,
took me down to the cabin, and gave me a dram of
wine, and, when we were by oursels, he said to me —

"'MrM'Lucre, whatwill you take to shut youreyes
for an hour?'

'"I'll no take a hundred pounds,' was my answer.

"'I'll make it guineas,' quoth he.

"Surely, thought I, my eyne maun be worth pearls
and diamonds to the East India Company; so I an-
swered and said —

"' Captain, no to argol-bargol about the matter/ (for
a'thetime,! thought upon how I had not been sworn
in;) — 'whatwill ye gie me, if I take away my eyne out
of the vessel?'

"' A thousand pounds,' cried he.

'" Abargainbe't/said 1. 1 think, however, had I stood
Si

THE PROVOST

out I might haegot mair. Butitdoesnarain thousands
of pounds every day; so, to make a long tale short, I
gotanoteofhand on theBankof England for the sum,
and, packing up my ends and my awls, left the ship.

"Itwas my intent to have come immediately home
to Scotland;but the same afternoon, I was summoned
by the Board at the Custom-house for deserting my
post; and the moment I went before them, they opened
upon me like my lord's pack of hounds, and said they
would send me to Newgate. 'Cry a' at ance,' quoth I;
'but I'll nogang.' I then told them how I wasnasworn,
and under no obligation to serve or obey them mair
than pleasured myseP; which set them a' again a bark-
ing worse than before; whereupon,seeing no likelihood
of an end to their stramash, I turned mysel' round,
and, taking the door on my back, left them, and the
same night came off on the Fly to Edinburgh. Since
syne they have been trying every grip and wile o' the
law to punish me as they threatened; but the laws of
England are a great protection to the people against
arbitrary power; and the letter that I have got to-day
frae the nabob, tells me that the commissioners hae
abandoned the plea."

Such was the account and narration that the bailie
gave tome of the particularso'hisjourney to London;
and when he was done, I could not but make a moral
reflection or two, on the policy of gentlemen putting
themselves on the leet to be members of Parliament;

52

THE BRIBE

it being a clear and plain thing, that as they are sent
up to London for the benefit of the people by whom
they are chosen, the people should always take care
to get some of that benefit in hand paid down, other-
wise they run a great risk of seeing their representa-
tives neglecting their special interests, and treating
them as entitled to no particular consideration.

CHAPTER EIGHT
ON THE CHOOSING OF A MINISTER

CHAPTER EIGHT

ON THE CHOOSING OF A MINISTER

THE NEXT GREAT HANDLING THAT WE
hadin the council after thegeneral election, wasanent
the choice of a minister for the parish. The Rev. Dr
Swapkirk having had an apoplexy, the magistrates
were obligated togetMrPittletobehishelper. Wheth-
er it was that, by our being used to Mr Pittle, we had
ceased to have a right respect for his parts and talents,
or that in reality he was but a weak brother, I cannot
in conscience take it on me to say; but the certainty
is, that when the Doctor departed this life, there was
hardly one ofthehearerswhothought Mr Pittle would
ever be their placed minister, and it was as far at first
from the unanimous mind of the magistrates, who are
the patrons of the parish, as any thing could well, be,
forhewasamanofnosmeddum in discourse. In verity,
as Mrs Pawkie, my wife, said, his sermons in the warm
summer afternoons were just a perfect hushabaa,that
no mortal could hearken to without sleeping. More-
over, he had a sorning way with him, that the genteel-
er sort could na abide, for he was for ever going from
house to houseabouttea-time,to save hisain canister.
As for the young ladies, they could na endure him at
all, for he had aye the sough and sound of love in his
mouth, and a round-about ceremonial of joking con-
cerning the same, that was just a fasherie to them to
hear. The commonality, however, were his greatest
adversaries; forhewas,notwithstandingthespareness
57

THE PROVOST

of his abilities, a prideful creature, taking no interest
in their namely affairs, and seldom visiting the aged
or the sick among them. Shortly, however, before the
death of the doctor, Mr Pittle had been very attentive
to my wife's full cousin, Miss Lizy Pinkie, I'll no say
onaccount of the legacyof sevenhundred poundsleft
her by an uncle that made his money in foreign parts,
and died at Portsmouth of the liver complaint, when
hewascominghometoenjoyhimself;andMrsPawkie
told me, that as soon as Mr Pittle could get a kirk, I
needna be surprised if I heard o' a marriage between
him and Miss Lizy.

Had I been a sordid and interested man, this news
could never have given me the satisfaction it did, for
Miss Lizy was very fond of my bairns, and it was
thought that Peter would have been her heir; but so
far from being concerned at what I heard, I rejoiced
thereat, and resolved in secret thought, whenever a
vacancy happened, DrSwapkirkbeingthen fast wear-
ing away, to exert the best of my ability to get the
kirk for Mr Pittle, not, however, unless he was previ-
ously married to Miss Lizy; for, to speak out, she was
beginning to stand in need of a protector, and both
me and Mrs Pawkie had our fears that she might out-
liveherincome,and in her old age become a cess upon
us. And it couldna be said that this was any ground-
less fear; for Miss Lizy, living a lonely maiden life by
herself, with only a bit lassie to run her errands, and

58

ON THE CHOOSING OF A MINISTER

nobeingnaturally of an active or eydent turn, aften we-
aried,and tokeepup her spirits gaed maybe,nowand
then, oftener to the gardevin than was just necessar,
by which, as we thought, she had a tavert look. How-
sever, as Mr Pittle had taken a notion of her, and she
pleased his fancy,itwas far from our handtomisliken
one that was sib to us; on the contrary, it was a duty
laid on me by the ties of blood and relationship, to do
all in my power to further their mutual affection into
matrimonial fruition; and what I did towards that end,
is the burden of this current chapter.

Dr Swapkirk, in whom the spark of life was long
fading, closed his eyes, and it went utterly out, as to
this world, on a Saturday night, between the hours of
eleven and twelve. We had that afternoon got an inkl-
ing that he was drawing near to his end. At the latest,
Mrs Pawkie herself went over to the manse, and stayed
till she saw him die." It was a pleasant end," she said,
for he was a godly, patient man; and we were both
sorely grieved, though it was a thing for which we had
been longprepared; and indeed, to his familyand con-
nexions, except for the loss of the stipend, it was a
very gentle dispensation, for hehad been long a heavy
handful, havingbeen for years but, as it were,abreath-
ing lump of mortality, groosy, and oozy, and doozy,
his faculties being shut up and locked in by a dumb
palsy.

Having had this early intimation of the doctor's re-
59

THE PROVOST

moval to abetter world, on the Sabbath morningwhen
I went to join the magistrates in the council-chamber,
as the usage is, to go to the laft, with the town-officers
carrying their halberts before us, according to the an-
cient custom of all royal burghs, my mind was in a
degree prepared to speak to them anent the succes-
sor. Little, however, passed at that time, and it so hap-
pened that, by some wonder of inspiration, (there
were, however, folk that said it was taken out of a
book of sermons, by one Barrow an English Divine,)
Mr Pittle that forenoon preached a discourse that
made an impression, in so much, that on our way back
to thecouncil-chamber I said to Provost Vintner, that
then was —

" Really Mr Pittle seems, if he would exert himself,
to have a nerve. I could not have thought it was in the
power of his capacity to have given us suchasermon."

The provost thought as I did, so I replied —

"We canna, I think,do better than keep him among
us. It would, indeed, provost, no be doing justice to
the young man to pass another over his head."

I could see that the provost wasnaquitesureof what
I had been saying; for he replied, that it was a matter
that needed consideration.

When weseparated at thecouncil-chamber, I threw
myself in the way of Bailie Weezle, and walked home
with him, our talk being on the subject of vacancy;
and I rehearsed to him what had passed between me

60

ON THE CHOOSING OF A MINISTER

and the provost, saying, that the provost had made
no objection to prefer Mr Pittle, which was the truth.

Bailie Weezle was a man no overladen with world-
ly wisdom, and had been chosenintothecouncil prin-
cipally on account of being easily managed. In his
business, he was originally by trade a baker in Glas-
gow, where he made a little money, and came tosettle
among us with his wife, who was a native of the town,
and had her relations here. Being therefore an idle
man, living on his money, and of a soft and quiet na-
ture, he was for the reason aforesaid chosen into the
council, where he always voted on the provost's side;
for in controverted questions every one is beholden
to take a part, and he thought it was his duty to side
with the chief magistrate.

Having convinced the bailie that Mr Pittle had al-
ready, as it were, a sort of infeoffment in the kirk, I
called in the evening on my old predecessor in the
guildry, Bailie M'Lucre, who was not a hand to be so
easily dealt with; but I knew his inclinations, and
therefore I resolved to go roundly to work with him.
So I asked him out to take a walk, and I led him to-
wards the town-moor, conversing loosely about one
thing and another, and touching softly here and there
on the vacancy.

When we were well on into the middle of the moor,
I stopped, and, looking round me, said, "Bailie, sure-
ly it's a great neglec of the magistrates and council to
61

THE PROVOST

let this braw broad piece of land, so near the town,
lie in a state o' nature, and giving pasturage to only
twa-three of the poor folk's cows. I wonder you, that's
now a rich man, and with eyne worth pearls and dia-
monds, that ye dinna think of asking a tack of this
land; ye might make a great thing o't."

The fish nibbled, and told me that he had for some
time entertained a thoughton the subject; but hewas
afraid that I would be overly extortionate.

"I wonder to hear you, bailie," said I; "I trust and
hope no one will ever find meout of the way of justice;
and to convince you that I can do a friendly turn, I'll
no objec to gie you a' my influence free gratis, if ye'll
gie Mr Pittle a lift into the kirk; for, to be plain with
you, the worthy young man, who, as ye heard to-day,
is no without an ability, has long been fond of Mrs
Pawkie's cousin, Miss Lizy Pinky; and I would fain
do all that lies in my power to help on the match.

The bailie was well pleased with my frankness, and
before returning home we came to a satisfactory un-
derstanding; so that the next thing I had to do, was
to see Mr Pittle himself on the subject. Accordingly,
in the gloaming, I went over to where he stayed: it
was with Miss Jenny Killfuddy, an elderly maiden
lady, whose father was the minister of Braehill, and the
same that is spoken of in the chronicle of Dalmailing,
as having had his eye almost put out by a clash of
glaur, at the stormy placing of Mr Balwhidder.

62

ON THE CHOOSING OF A MINISTER

" Mr Pittle," said I, as soon as I was in and the door
closed. "I'm come to you as a friend; both Mrs Paw-
kie and me have long discerned that ye have had a
look more than common towards our friend, Miss
Lizy, and we think it our duty to enquire your in-
tents, before matters gang to greater length."

He looked a littledumfoundered at this salutation,
and was at a loss for an answer, so I continued —

" If your designs be honourable, and no doubt they
are, now's your time; strike while the iron's hot. By
the death of the doctor, the kirk's vacant, the town-
council have the patronage; and, if ye marry Miss
Lizy, my interest and influence shall not be slack in
helping you into the poopit." In short, out of what
passed that night,on the Monday folio wing MrPittle
and Miss Lizy were married; and by my dexterity,
together with the able help I had in Bailie M'Lucre,
he was in due season placed and settled in the parish;
and the next year more than fifty acres of the town-
moor were inclosed on a nine hundred and ninety-
nine years' tack at an easy rate between me and the
bailie, he paying the half of the expense of the ditch-
ing and rooting out of the whins; and it was acknow-
ledged by every one that saw it, that there had not
been a greater improvement for many years in all the
country side. But to the best actions there will be
adverse and discontented spirits; and, on this occas-
ion, there were not wanting persons naturally of a

63

THE PROVOST

disloyal opposition temper, who complained of the in-
closure as a usurpation of the rights and property of
thepoorer burghers. Such revilings,however, are what
all persons in authority must suffer; and they had
onlythe effect of making mebuttonmycoat,andlook
out the crooser to the blast.

CHAPTER NINE
AN EXECUTION

CHAPTER NINE AN EXECUTION

THE ATTAINMENT OF HONOURS AND
dignities is not enjoyed without a portion of trouble
and care, which, like a shadow, follows all temporal-
ities. On the very evening of the same day that I was
first chosen to be a bailie, a sore affair came to light,
in the discovery that Jean Gaisling had murdered her
bastard bairn. She was thedaughterofadonsiemother
thatcouldgienonametohergets,ofwhichshehadtwo
laddies, besides Jean. The one of them had gone off
with the soldiers some time before; the other, a douce
well-behaved callan, was in my lord's servitude, as a
stableboyatthecastle.Jeanieherselfwasthebonniest
lassie in the whole town, but light-headed, and fond-
er of outgait and blether in the causey than was dis-
creet of one of her uncertain parentage. She was, at
the time when she met with her misfortune, in the
service of Mrs Dalrymple, a colonel's widow, that
came out of the army and settled among us on her
jointure.

This Mrs Dalrymple, having been long used to the
loose morals of camps and regiments, did not keep
that strict hand over poor Jeanie, and her other serv-
ing lass, that she ought to have done, and so the poor
guileless creature fell into the snare of some of the
ne'er-do-weel gentlemen that used to play cards at
night with Mrs Dalrymple. The truths of the story
were never well known, nor who was the father, for
the tragical issue barred all enquiry; but it came out

THE PROVOST

that poor Jeanie was left to herself, and, being insti-
gated by the Enemy, after she had been delivered,
did, while the midwife's back was turned, strangle
the baby with a napkin. She was discovered in the
very fact, with the bairn black in the face in the bed
beside her.

The heinousness of the crime can by no possibility
be lessened; but the beauty of the mother, her tender
years, and her light-headedness, had won many fav-
ourers; and there was a great leaning in the hearts of
all the town to compassionate her, especially when
they thought of the ill example that had been set to
her in the walk and conversation of her mother. It
was not, however, within the power of the magistra-
tes to overlook the accusation; so we were obligated
to cause a precognition to be taken, and the search
left no doubt of the wilfulness of the murder. Jeanie
was in consequence removed to the tolbooth, where
she lay till the lords were coming to Ayr, when she
was sent thither to stand her trial before them; but,
from the hour she did the deed, she never spoke.

Her trial was a short procedure, and she was cast
to be hanged — and not only to be hanged, but ordered
to be executed in our town, and her body given to the
doctors to make an atomy. The execution of Jeanie
was what all expected would happen; but when the
news reached the town of the other parts of the sen-
tence, the wail was as the sough of a pestilence, and

68

AN EXECUTION

fain would the council have got it dispensed with.
But the Lord Advocate was just wud at the crime,
both because there had been no previous concealment,
so as to have been an extenuation for the shame of
the birth, and because Jeanie would neither divulge
the name of the father, nor make answer to all the in-
terrogatories that were put to her — standing at the
bar like a dumbie, and looking round her, and at the
judges, like a demented creature, and beautiful as a
Flanders' baby. It was thought by many, that her ad-
vocate might have made great use of her visible con-
sternation, and pled that she was by herself; for in
truth she had every appearance of being so. He was,
however, a dure man, no doubt well enough versed in
the particulars and punctualities of the law for an
ordinary plea; but no of the right sort of knowledge
and talent to take up the case of a forlorn lassie, mis-
led by ill example and a winsome nature, and clothed
in the allurement of loveliness, as the judge himself
said to the jury.

On the night before the day of execution, she was
brought over in a chaise from Ayr bet ween two town-
officers, and placed again in our hands, and still she
never spoke.

Nothing could exceed the compassion that every
one had for poor Jeanie, so she wasna committed to
a common cell, but laid in the council-room, where
the ladies of the town made up a comfortable bed for

THE PROVOST

her, and some of them sat up all night and prayed for
her; but her thoughts were gone, and she sat silent.

In themorning, by break ofday, her wanton mother,
that had been trolloping in Glasgow, came to the tol-
booth door, and made a dreadful wally-waeing, and
the ladies were obligated, for the sake of peace, to bid
her be let in. But Jeanie noticed her not, still sitting
with her eyes cast down, waiting the coming on of the
hour of her doom. The wicked mother first tried to
rouse her by weeping and distraction, and then she
took to upbraiding; but Jeanie seemed to heed her
not, save only once, and then she but looked at the
misleart tinkler, and shook her head. I happened to
come into the room at this time, and seeing all the
charitable ladies weeping around, and the randy
mother talking to the poor lassie as loudly and vehe-
ment as if she had been both deaf and sullen, I com-
manded the officers, with a voice of authority, to re-
move the mother, by which we had for a season peace,
till the hour came.

Therehad not been an execution in the town in the
memory of the oldest person then living; the last that
suffered was one of the martyrs in the time of the per-
secution, so that we were not skilled in the business,
and had besides no hangman, but were necessitated
to borrow the Ayr one. Indeed, I being the youngest
bailie, was in terror that the obligation might have
fallen to me.

70

AN EXECUTION

A scaffold was erected at the Tron, just under the
tolbooth windows, by Thomas Gimblet, the master-
of-work, who had a good penny of profit by the job,
for he contracted with the town-council, and had the
boards after the business was done to the bargain; but
Thomas was then deacon of the wrights, and himself
a member of our body.

At the hour appointed, Jeanie, dressed in white,
was led out by the town-officers, and in the midst of
the magistrates from among the ladies, with her hands
tied behind her with a black riband. At the first sight
of her at the tolbooth stairhead, a universal sob rose
from all the multitude, and the sternest e'e couldna
refrain fromsheddingatear.Wemarchedslowly down
the stair, and on to the foot of the scaffold, where her
younger brother, Willy, that was stable-boy at my
lord's, was standing by himself, in an open ring made
round him in the crowd; every one compassionating
the dejected laddie, for he was a fine youth, and of an
orderly spirit.

As his sister came towards the foot of the ladder,
he ran towards her, and embraced her with a wail of
sorrow that melted every heart, and made us all stop
in the middle of our solemnity. Jeanie looked at him,
(for her hands were tied,) and a silent tear was seen
to drop from her cheek. But in the course of little
more than a minute, all was quiet, and we proceeded
to ascend the scaffold. Willy, who had by this time

THE PROVOST

dried his eyes, went up with us, and when Mr Pittle
had said the prayer, and sung the psalm, in which
the whole multitude joined, as it were with the con-
trition of sorrow, the hangman stepped forward to
put on the fatal cap, but Willy took it out of his hand,
and placed it on his sister himself, and then kneeling
down, with his back towards her, closing his eyes and
shutting his ears with his hands, he sawnot nor heard
when she was launched into eternity.

When the awful act was over, and the stir was for
the magistrates to return, and the body to be cut
down, poor Willy rose, and without looking round,
went down the steps of the scaffold; the multitude
made a lane for him to pass, and he went on through
them hiding his face, and gaed straight out of the
town. As for the mother, we were obligated, in the
course of the same year, to drum her out of the town,
for stealing thirteen choppin bottles from William
Gallon's, the vintner's, and selling them for whisky
to Maggie Picken, that was tried at the same time
for the reset.

CHAPTER TEN
A RIOT

CHAPTER TEN A RIOT

NOTHING VERY MATERIAL, AFTER JEA-
nie Gaisling's affair, happened in the town till the
time of my first provostry, when an event arose with
an aspect of exceeding danger to the lives and pro-
perties of the whole town. I cannot indeed think of it
at this day, though age has cooled me down in all
concernsto a spirit of composure, without feeling the
blood boil in my veins; so greatly, in the matter al-
luded to, was the king's dignity and the rightful gov-
ernment, by law and magistracy, insulted in my
person.

From time out of mind, it had been an ancient and
commendable custom in the burgh, to have, on the
king's birth-day, a large bowl of punch made in the
council-chamber, in order and to the end and effect
of drinking his majesty's health at the cross; and for
pleasance to the commonality, the magistrates were
wont, on the same occasion, to allow a cart of coals
for a bonfire. I do not now, at this distance of time,
remember the cause how it came to pass,but come to
pass it did, that the council resolved for time coming
to refrain from giving the coals for the bonfire; and
it so fell out that the first administration of this eco-
nomy was carried into effect during my provostry,
and the wyte of it was laid at my door by the trades'
lads, and others, that took on them the lead in hoble-
shows at the fairs, and such like public doings. Now
I come to the issue and particulars.
75

THE PROVOST

The birth-day, in progress of time, came round,
and the morning was ushered in with the ringing of
bells, and the windows of the houses adorned with
green boughs and garlands. It was a fine bright day,
and nothing could exceed the glee and joviality of
all faces till the afternoon, when I went up to the
council-chamber in the tolbooth, to meet the other
magistrates and respectable characters of the town, in
order to drink the king's health. In going thither, I
was joined, j ust as I was stepping out of my shop, by
Mr Stoup,theexcisegauger,and Mr Firlot, the meal-
monger, who had made a power of money a short
time before, by a cargo of corn that he had brought
from Belfast, the ports being then open, for which he
was envied by some, and by the common sort was
considered and reviled as a wicked hard-hearted
forestaller. As for Mr Stoup, although he was a very
creditable man, he had the repute of being overly
austere in his vocation, for which he was not liked,
over and above the dislike that the commonality
cherish against all of his calling; so thatitwasnot pos-
sible that any magistrate, such as I endeavoured to
be, adverse to ill-doers, and to vice and immorality
of every kind, could havemet at such a time and junc-
ture^ greater misfortune than those twomen, especi-
ally when it is considered, that the abolition of the
bonfire was regarded as a heinous trespass on the liber-
ties and privileges of the people. However, having left

A RIOT

the shop, and being joined, as I have narrated, by Mr
Stoup and Mr Firlot, we walked together at a sedate
pace towards the tolbooth, before which, and at the
cross, a great assemblage of people were convened;
trades' lads, weavers with coats out at the elbow, the
callans of the school; in short, the utmost gathering
and congregation of the clan-jamphry, who the mo-
ment they saw me coming, set up a great shout and
howl, crying like desperation, "Provost, whar's the
bonfirePHaeyesent the coals, provost,hametoyersel,
orselt them, provost, for meal to the forestaller?" with
other such misleart phraseology that was most con-
temptuous, bearing every symptom of the rebellion
and insurrection thatthey were then meditating. But I
kept my temper, and went into the council-chamber,
where others of the respectable inhabitants were met
with the magistrates and town-council assembled.

"What's the matter, provost?" said several of them
as I came in; "are ye ill; orwhat hasfashed you?" But
I only replied, that the mob without was very unruly
for being deprived of their bonfire. Upon this, some
of those present proposed to gratify them, by order-
ing a cart of coals, as usual; but I set my face against
this, saying, that it would look like intimidation were
wenow to comply,and that all veneration for lawand
authority would be at an end by such weakness on the
part of those entrusted with the exercise of power.
There the debate, for a season, ended; and the punch
77

THE PROVOST

being ready, the table was taken out of the council-
chamber and carried to the cross, and placed there,
and then the bowl and glasses — the magistrates fol-
lowing, and the rest of the company.

Seeing us surrounded by the town-officers with
their halberts, the multitude made way, seemingly
with their wonted civility, and, when his majesty's
health was drank, they shouted with us, seemingly,
too, as loyally as ever; but that was a traitorous device
to throw us off our guard, as, in the upshot, was mani-
fested; for no sooner had we filled the glasses again,
than some of the most audacious of the rioters began
to insult us, crying, "The bonfire! the bonfire! — No
fire, no bowl! — Gentle and semple should share and
share alike." In short, there was a moving backwards
and forwards, and a confusion among the mob, with
snatches of huzzas and laughter, that boded great
mischief; and some of my friends near me said to me
no to be alarmed, which only alarmed me the more,
as I thought they surely had heard something. How-
ever, we drank our second glass without any actual
molestation; but when we gave the three cheers, as the
custom was,afterthe same,instead of beinganswered
joyfully, the mob set up a frightful yell, and, rolling
like the wavesof thesea,came on us with such a shock,
that the table, and punch-bowl, and glasses, were coup-
ed and broken. Bailie Weezle, who was standing on
the opposite side, got his shins so ruffled by the fall-

78

A RIOT

ing of the table, that he was for many a day after con-
fined to the house with two sore legs; and it wasfeared
he would have been a lameter for life.

The dingingdown of thetablewas the signal of the
rebellious ringleaders for open war. Immediately
there was an outcry and a roaring, that was a terrifica-
tion to hear; and I know not howitwas,but beforewe
kent where we were,I found myself, with many of those
who had been drinking the king's health, once more
in the council-chamber, where it was proposed that
we should read theriot act from the windows; and this
awful duty, by the nature of my office as provost, it
behoved me to perform. Nor did I shrink from it; for
by this time my corruption was raised, and I was
determined not to let the royal authority be set at
nought in my hands.

Accordingly, Mr Keelivine,the town clerk, having
searched out amonghis law books for the riot act,one
of the windows of the council-chamber was opened,
and thebellman having, with a loud voice, proclaimed
the "O yes!" three times, I stepped forward with the
book in my hands. At the sight of me, the rioters, in
the most audacious manner, set up a blasphemous
laugh; but,instead offindingmedaunted thereat, they
were surprised at my fortitude; and, when I began to
read, they listened in silence. But this was a concert-
ed stratagem; for themomentthat I had ended, a dead
cat came whizzing through the air like a comet, and
79

THE PROVOST

gave me such a clash in the face that I was knocked
down to the floor, in the middle of the very council-
chamber. What ensued is neither to be told nor de-
scribed; some were for beating the fire-drum; others
were for arming ourselves with what weapons were in
the tolbooth; but I deemed it more congenial to the
natureof the catastrophe, tosendoffanexpressto Ayr
fortheregimentof soldiers that was quartered there —
the roar of the rioters without, being all the time like
a raging flood.

Major Target, however, who had seen service in
foreign wars, was among us, and he having tried in
vain to get us to listen to him, went out of his own
accord to the rioters, and was received by them with
three cheers. He then spoke to them in an exhorting
manner, and represented to them the imprudence of
their behaviour ; upon whi ch they gave hi m three other
cheers, and immediately dispersed and went home.
The major was a vain body, and took great credit to
himself, as I heard, for this; but, considering the tem-
per of mind the mob was at one time in, it is quite
evidentthatitwas no so much the major's speech and
exhortation that sent them off, as their dread and
terror of the soldiers that I had sent for.

All that night the magistrates, with other gentle-
men of the town, sat in the council-chamber, and sent
out, from time to time, to see that every thing was
quiet; and by this judicious proceeding, of which we

80

A RIOT

drew up and transmitted a full account to the king
and government in London, by whom the whole of
our conduct was highly applauded, peace was main-
tained till the next day at noon, when a detachment,
as it was called, of four companies came from the regi-
ment in Ayr, and took upon them the preservation
of order and regularity. I may here notice, that this
was the first time any soldiers had been quartered in
the town since the forty-five; and a woeful warning it
was of the consequences that follow rebellion and
treasonablepractices; for, to the present day, we have
always had a portion of every regiment, sent to Ayr,
quartered upon us.

CHAPTER ELEVEN
POLICY

CHAPTER ELEVEN POLICY

JUST ABOUT THE END OF MY FIRST
provostry, I began to make a discovery. Whether it
was that I was a little inordinately lifted up by reason
of the dignity ,and did not comport myself with a suffi-
cientcondescension and conciliation of manner to the
rest of the town-council, it would be hard to say. I
could, however, discern that a general ceremonious
insincerity was performed by the members towards
me,especially on the part of those who were in league
and conjunct with the town-clerk, who comported
himself, by reason of his knowledge of the law, as if
hewasin veritythe trueand effectual chief magistrate
of the burgh; and the effect of this discovery, was a
consideration and digesting within me how I should
demean myself, so as to regain the vantage I had lost;
taking little heed as tohowthelosshad come, whether
from an ill-judged pride and pretending in myself,
.or from the natural spirit of envy, that darkens the
good-will of all mankind towards those who get sud-
den promotion, as it was commonly thought I had
obtained, in being so soon exalted to the provostry.
Before the Michaelmas I was, in consequence of
this deliberation and counselling with my own mind,
fully prepared to achieve a great stroke of policy for
the future government of the town. I saw that it would
not do for me for a time to stand overly eminent for-
ward, and that it was a better thing, in the world, to
have power and influence, than to show the posses-

85

THE PROVOST

sion of either. Accordingly, after casting about from
one thing to another, I bethought with myself, that
it would be a great advantage if the council could be
worked with, so as to nominate and appoint My Lord
the next provost after me. In the proposing of this, I
could see there would be no difficulty; but the hazard
was, that his lordship might only be made a tool of
instrumentality to our shrewd and sly town-clerk,
Mr Keelivine, while it was of great importance that
I should keep the management of mylord in my own
hands. In this strait, however, a thing came to pass,
which strongly confirms me in the opinion, that good-
luck has really a great deal to say with the prosperity
of men. The earl, who had not for years been in the
country, came down in the summer from London, and
I, together with the other magistrates and council,
received an invitation to dine with him at the castle.
We all of course went, "with our best breeding," as
the old proverb says, "helped by our brawest deed-
ing;" but I soon saw that it was only z. pro forma din-
ner, and that there was nothing of cordiality in all
the civility with which we were treated, both by my
lord and my lady. Nor, indeed, could I, on an after-
thought, blame our noble entertainers for being so on
their guard; for in truth some of the deacons, (I'll no
say any of thebailies,)wereso transported out ofthem-
selves with the glory of my lord's banquet, and the
thought of dining at the castle, and at the first table

86

POLICY

too, that when the wine began to fiz in their noddles,
they forgot themselves entirely, and made no more
of the earl than if he had been one of themselves. See-
ingtowhatissue the matterwas tending, I set a guard
upon myself; and while my lord, out of a parly-voo
politess, was egging them on, one after another, to
drink deeper and deeperof his old wines, to the mani-
fest detriment of their own senses, I kept myself in a
degree as sober as a judge, warily noting all things
that came to pass.

The earl had really a commendable share of com-
mon sensefor a lord, and the discretion of my conduct
was not unnoticed by him; in so much, that after the
major partofthe council had become, asit may be said,
out o' the body, cracking their jokes with one another,
just as if all present had been carousing at the Cross-
Keys, his lordship wised to me to come and sit beside
him, where we had a very private and satisfactory con-
versation together; in the which conversation, I said,
that it was a pity he would not allow himself to be no-
minated our provost. Nobody had everminted to him
a thought of the thing before; so it was no wonder that
his lordship replied, with a look of surprise, saying,
"That so far from refusing, he had never heard of any
such proposal."

"That is very extraordinary, my lord," said I; "for
surely it is foryour in terests,and would to a certainty
be a great advantage to the town, were your lordship

THE PROVOST

to take upon you the nominal office of provost; I say
nominal,mylord,becausebeingnowusedtotheduties,
and somewhat experienced therein, I could take all
the necessary part of the trouble off your lordship's
hands, and so render the provostry in your lordship's
name a perfect nonentity." Whereupon,he was pleased
tosay,if I would do so,andhecommendedmy talents
and prudence, he would have no objection to be made
the provost at the ensuing election. Something more
explicit might have ensued at that time; but Bailie
M'Lucre and Mr Sharpset, who was the dean of guild,
had been for about the space of half an hour carrying
on a vehement argument anent some concern of the
guildry, in which, coming to high words, and both be-
ing beguiled and ripened into folly by the earl's wine,
they came into such a manifest quarrel, that Mr Sharp-
set pulled off the bailie's best wig, and flung it with a
damn into the fire: the which stramash causedmylord
to end the sederunt; but none of the magistrates, save
myself, was in a condition to go with his lordship to
My Lady in the drawing-room.

THE MINISTER

CHAPTER TWELVE
THE SPY

CHAPTER TWELVE THE SPY

SOON AFTER THE FOREGOING TRAN-

saction, a thing happened that, in a manner, I would
fain conceal and suppress from the knowledgeof future
times, although it was butasort of sprose to make the
world laugh. Fortunately for my character, however,
it did not fall outexactly in my hands, although it hap-
pened in thecourseofmyprovostry.Thematter spok-
en of, was the affair of a Frenchman who was taken
up as a spy; for the American war was then raging,
and the French had taken the part of the Yankee
rebels.

One day,in themonth of August it was, I had gone
on some private concernment of my own to Kilmar-
nock, and Mr Booble, who was then oldest Bailie, na-
turally officiated as chief magistrate in my stead.

There have been, as the world knows, a disposition
on thepart of the grand monarqueof that time, to in-
vade and conquer this country, the which made it a
duty incumbent on all magistrates to keep a vigilant
eye on the in-comings and out-goings of aliens and
other suspectable persons. On the said day, and dur-
ing my absence, a Frenchman, that could speak no
manner of English, somehow was discovered in the
Cross-Key inns. What he was, or where he camefrom,
nobody at the time could tell, as I was informed; but
there he was, having come into the house at the door,
with a bundle in his hand, and a portmanty on his
shoulder, like a traveller out of some vehicle of con-

THE PROVOST

veyance.MrsD rammer, the landlady, did not like his
looks; for he had toozy black whiskers, was lank and
wan, and moreover deformed beyond human nature,
as she said, with a parrot nose, and had no cravat, but
only a bit black riband drawn through two button-
holes, fastening his ill-coloured sark neck, which gave
him altogether something of an unwholesome, out-
landish appearance.

Findinghewas aforeigner, and understanding that
strict injunctions were laid on the magistrates by the
kingand government anentthe egressingof such per-
sons, she thought, for the credit of her house, and the
safety of the community at large, that it behoved her
to send word to me, then provost, of this man's visib-
ility among us; but as I was not at home, Mrs Pawkie,
my wife, directed the messenger to Bailie Booble's.
The bailie was, at all times, overly ready to claught at
an alarm ; and when he heard the news, he went straight
to the council-room, and sending for the rest of the
council, ordered the alien enemy, as he called the for-
lorn Frenchman, to be brought before him. By this
time, the suspicion of a spyin thetown had spread far
and wide; and Mrs Pawkie told me, that there was a
palid consternation in every countenance when the
black and yellow man — for he had not the looks of
the honest folks of this country — was brought up the
street between two of the town-officers, to stand an ex-
amine before Bailie Booble.

92

THE SPY

Neither the bailie, nor those that were then sitting
with him, could speak any French language, and "the
alien enemy "was as littlemasterof ourtongue. I have
often wondered how the bailie did not jealousethathe
could be no spy, seeinghow, in that respect, he wanted
themainfaculty.Buthe was under theenchantment of
a panic, partly thinking also, perhaps, that he was to
do a great exploit for the government in my absence.

However, the man was brought before him, and
there was he, and them all, speaking loud out to one
another as if they had been hard of hearing, when I,
on my coming home from Kilmarnock, went to see
what was going on in the council. Considering that
the procedure had been in handsome time before my
arrival,! thought it judicious to leave the whole busi-
ness with those present, and to sit still as a spectator;
and really it was very comical to observe how the bailie
was driven to hiswit's-endbythepoor lean and yellow
Frenchman,andinwhat a pucker of passion the pannel
put himself at every new interlocutor, none of which
he could understand. At last, the bailie getting no
satisfaction — how could he? — he directed the man's
portmantyandbundletobeopened;andinthebottom
of the forementioned package, there, to be sure, was
found many a mystical and suspicious paper, which
no one could read; among others, there was a strange
map, as it then seemed to all present.

"F gude faith," cried the bailie, witha keckle of ex-
93

THE PROVOST

ultation, "here's proof enough now. This is a plain
map o' the Frith o' Clyde, all the way to the tail of the
bank o' Greenock. This muckle place is Arran; that
round ane is the craig of Ailsa; the wee ane between
is Plada. Gentlemen, gentlemen, this is a sore discov-
ery; there will be hanging and quartering on this." So
he ordered the man to be forthwith committed as a
king's prisoner to the tolbooth; and turning to me,
said: — "My lord provost, as ye have not been present
throughout the whole of this troublesome affair, I'll
e'en gie an account my sel to the lord advocate of what
we have done." I thought, at the time, there was some-
thing fey and overly forward in this, but I assented;
for I know not what it was, that seemed to me as if
there was somethingneitherrightnorregular; indeed,
to say the truth, I was no ill pleased that the bailie
took on him what he did; so I allowed him to write
himself to thelord advocate; and,as the sequel show-
ed,it was ablessed prudence on my part that I did so,
For no sooner did his lordship receive the bailie's ter-
rifying letter, than a special king's messenger was sent
to take the spy into Edinburgh Castle; and nothing
could surpass the great importance that Bailie Booble
made of himself, on the occasion, on getting the man
into a coach, and two dragoons to guard him into
Glasgow.

But oh! what a dejected man was the miserable
Bailie Booble, and what a laugh rose from shop and

94

THE SPY

chamber, when the tidings came out from Edinburgh
that"thealienenemy"was but aFrenchcook coming
overfrom Dublin, with the intent to take up the trade
of a confectioner in Glasgow, and that the map of the
Clyde was nothingbut a plan for the outset of a fash-
ionable table — the bailie's island of Arran being the
roast beef, and the craig of Ailsa the plum-pudding,
and Plada a butter-boat. Nobody enj oy ed the j ocular-
ity of the business more than myself; but I trembled
when I thought of the escape that my honour and
character had with the lord advocate. I trow, Bailie
Booble never set himself so forward from that day to
this.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE MEAL MOB

CHAPTER XIII THE MEAL MOB

AFTER THE CLOSE OF THE AMERICAN
war, I had, for various reasons of a private nature, a
wish to sequestrate myself for a time, from any very
ostensible part in public affairs. Still, however, desir-
ing to retain a mean of resuming my station, and of
maintaining my influence in the council, I bespoke
Mr Keg to act in my place as deputy for My Lord, who
was regularly every year at this time chosen into the
provostry.

This Mr Keg was a man who had made a compet-
ency by the Isle-of-Man trade, and had come in from
the laighlands, where he had been apparently in the
farming line, to live among us; but for many a day,
on account of something that happened when he was
concerned in the smuggling, he kept himself cannily
aloof from all sort of town mattersjdeporting himself
with a most creditable sobriety ;in so much, that there
was at one time a sough that Mr Pittle, the minister,
our friend, had put him on the leet for an elder. That
post, however, if it was offered to him, he certainly
never accepted; but I jealouse that he took the rum-
our o't for a sign that his character had ripened into
an estimation among us, for he thenceforth began to
kithe more in public, and was just a patron to every
manifestation of loyalty, putting more lights in his
windows in the rejoicing nights of victory than any
other body, Mr M'Creesh, the candlemaker, and Col-
lector Cocket, not excepted. Thus, in the fulness of
99

THE PROVOST

time,hewas taken into the coimcil,and no man in the
whole corporation could be said to be more zealous
thanhe was. In respect, therefore, tohim, I had nothing
to fear, so far as the interests, and, over and above all,
the loyalty of the corporation, were concerned; but
something like a quailing came over my heart, when,
after the breakingupof the council on the day of elec-
tion, he seemed to shy away from me, who had been
instrumental to his advancement. However, I trow he
had soon reason to repent of that ingratitude, as I may
well call it; for when the troubles of the meal mob came
upon him, I showed him that I could keep my distance
as well as my neighbours.

It was on the Friday, our market-day, that the hoble-
show began, and in the afternoon, when the farmers
who had brought in theirvictual forsalewere loading
their carts to take it home again, the price not having
come up to their expectation. All the forenoon, as the
wives that went to the meal-market, came back rail-
ing with toom pocks and basins, it might have been
foretold that the farmers would have to abate their
extortion, or that something would come o't before
night.Mynewhouseandshopbeingforenentthemar-
ket, I had noted this, and said to Mrs Pawkie, my
wife, what I thought would be the upshot, especially
when, towards the afternoon, I observed the com-
monality gathering in the market-place, and no spar-
ing in their tongues to the farmers; so, upon her

100

THE MEAL MOB

advice, I directed Thomas Snakers to put on the
shutters.

Some of the farmers were loading their carts to go
home, when the schools skailed, and all the weans
came shouting to the market. Still nothing happen-
ed, till tinkler Jean, a randy that had been with the
army at the siege of Gibraltar, and, for aught I ken,
in the Americas, if no in the Indies likewise; — she
came with her meal-basin in her hand, swearing, like
a trooper, that if she didna get it filled with meal at
fifteen-pence a peck, (the farmers demanded sixteen),
she would have the fu' o't of their heart's blood; and
the mob of thoughtless weans and idle fellows, with
shouts and yells, encouraged Jean, and egged her on
to a catastrophe. The corruption of the farmers was
thus raised, and a young rash lad, the son of James
Dyke o' the Mount, whom Jean was blackguarding
at a dreadful rate, and upbraiding onaccountof some
ploy he had had with the Dalmailing session anent
a bairn, in an unguarded moment lifted hishand,and
shook his neive in Jean's face, arid even, as she said,
struckher. He himself swore an affidavit thathe gave
her only a ding out of his way; but be this as it may,
at him rushed Jean with open mouth, and broke her
timber meal-basin on his head, as it had been an egg-
shell. Heaven only knows what next ensued; but in
a jiffy the whole market-place was as white with scat-
tered meal as if it had been covered with snow, and
101

THE PROVOST

the farmers were seen flying helter skelter out at the
townhead, pursued by the mob, in a hail and whirl-
wind of stones and glaur.Then the drums were heard
beating to arms, and the soldiers were seen flying to
their rendezvous. I stood composedly at the dining-
room window, and was very thankful that I wasna
provost in such a hurricane,when I sawpoor Mr Keg,
aspaleas a dishclout,running to and fro bareheaded,
with the town-officers and their halberts at his heels,
exhorting and crying till he was as hoarse as a crow,
to the angry multitude, that was raging and tossing
like a sea in the market-place. Then it was that he
felt the consequence of his pridefulness towards me;
for, observing me standing in serenity at the window,
he came, and in a vehement manner cried to me for
theloveofheaventocometo his assistance, andpacify
the people. It would not have been proper in me to
have refused; so out I went in the very nick of time:
for when I got to the door, there was the soldiers in
battle array, coming marching with fife and drum up
the gait with Major Blaze at their head, red and furi-
ous in the face, and bent on some bloody business.
The first thing I did was to run to the major, just as
he was facing the men for a"charge bagonets"onthe
people, crying to him to halt; for the riot act wasna
yet read, and the murder of all that might be slain
would lie at his door; at which to hear he stood aghast,
and the men halted. Then I flew back to the provost,

102

THE MEAL MOB

and I cried to him, "Read the riot act!" which some
of the mob hearing, became terrified thereat, none
knowing the penalties or consequences thereof, when
backed by soldiers; and in a moment, as if they had
seen the glimpse of a terrible spirit in the air, the
whole multitude dropped the dirt and stones out of
their hands, and, turning their backs, flew into doors
and closes, and were skailed before we knew where
we were. It is not to be told the laud and admiration
that I got for my ability in this business; for the ma-
jor was so well pleased to have been saved from a
battle, that, at my suggestion, he wrote an account
of the whole business to the commander-in-chief, as-
suring him that, but for me, and my great weight and
authority in the town, nobody could tell what the
issue might have been; so that the Lord Advocate,
to whom the report was shown by the general, wrote
me a letter of thanks in the name of the government;
and I, although not provost, was thus seen and be-
lieved to be a person of the foremost note and con-
sideration in the town.

But although the mob was dispersed, as I have re-
lated, the consequences did not end there; for, the
week following, none of the farmers brought in their
victual; and therewas a greatlamentationand moan-
ing in the market-place when, on the Friday, not a
single cart from the country was to be seen, but only
Simon Laidlaw's, with his timber caps and luggies;
103

THE PROVOST

and the talk was, that meahvouldbehalf-a-crown the
peck. The grief, however, of the business wasna visi-
ble till the Saturday — the wonted day for the poor
to seek their meat — when the swarm of beggars that
came forth was a sight truly calamitous. Many a de-
cent auld woman that had patiently eiked out the
slender thread of a weary life with her wheel, in priv-
acy,herscant and want known only to her Maker, was
seen going from door to door with the salt tear in her
e'e, and looking in the face of the pitiful, being as yet
unacquainted with the language of beggary; but the
worst sight of all was two bonny bairns, dressed in
their best, of a genteel demeanour, going from house
to house like the hungry babes in the wood: nobody
kent who they were, nor whar they came from; but as
I was seeing them served myself at our door, I spoke
to them,and they told me that their mother was lying
sickand ill athome. They were theorphansof a broken
merchant from Glasgow, and, with their mother, had
come out to our town the week before, without know-
ing where else to seek their meat.

Mrs Pawkie,who was a tender-hearted mother her-
self, took in the bairns on hearing this, and we made
of them, and thesame night, amongour acquaintance,
we got a small sum raised to assist their mother, who
proved a very well-bred and respectable lady -like
creature. When she got better, she was persuaded to
take up a school, which she kept for some years, with

104

W •

%

•

THE MEAL MOB

credit to herself and benefittothecommunity,tillshe
got a legacy left her by a brother that died in India,
the which, being some thousands, caused her to re-
move into Edinburgh, for the better education of her
own children; and its seldom that legacies are so well
bestowed, for she never forgot Mrs Pawkie's kindness,
and out of the fore-end of her wealth she sent her a
very handsome present. Divers matters of elegance
havecome to us from her, year by year, since syne, and
regularly on the anniversary day of that sore Satur-
day,astheSaturday following the meal mob
was ever after called.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE SECOND PROVOSTRY

XIV THE SECOND PROVOSTRY

I HAVE HAD OCCASION TO OBSERVE IN

the course of my experience, thatthereisnotagreater
mollifierof the temper and nature of man than a con-
stant flowing in of success and prosperity. From the
time that I had been dean of guild, I was sensible of
a considerable increase of my worldly means and sub-
stance; and although Bailie M'Lucre played me a
soople trick at the election, by the inordinate sale and
roup of his potatoe-rig, the which tried me, as I do con-
fess, and nettled me with disappointment; yet things,
in other respects, went so well with me that, about the
eighty-eight,! began to put forth my hand again in to
public affairs, endowed both with more vigour and
activity than it was in the first period of my magisterial
functions. Indeed,itmaybe here proper formetonar-
rate,that my retiring into the background during the
last two or three years, was a thing, as I have said,
done on mature deliberation; partly, in order that the
weight of my talents might be rightly estimated; and
partly, that men might, of their own reflections,come
to a properunderstanding concerningthem. I did not
secede from the council. Could I have done thatwith
propriety, I would assuredly not have scrupled to
make the sacrifice; but I knew well that,if I was to re-
sign, it would not be easy afterwards to get myself
again chosen in. In a word, I was persuaded that I had,
at times, carried things a little too highly, and that I
had the adversary of a rebellious feeling in the minds
109

THE PROVOST

and hearts of the corporation against me. However,
what I did, answered the end and purpose I had in
view; folk began to wonder and think with themselves,
what for Mr Pawkie had ceased to bestir himself in
public affairs; and the magistrates and council having,
on two or three occasions, done very unsatisfactory
things, it was said by one, and echoed by another, till
the whole town was persuaded of the fact, that, had I
lent my shoulder to the wheel, things would not have
been as they were. But the matter which did the most
service to me at this time, was a rank piece of idolatry
towards my lord, on the part of Bailie M'Lucre, who
had again got himself most sickerly installed in the
guildry. Sundry tacks came to an end in this year of
eighty-eight; and among others, the Niggerbrae park,
which, lyingatacommodiousdistancefrom the town,
might have been relet with a rise and advantage. But
what did the dean of guild do? He, in somesecret and
clandestine manner,gave a hint to my lord's factor to
make an offer for the park on a two nineteen years'
lease, at the rent then going — the which was done in
my lord's name,his lordship being then provost. The
Niggerbrae was accordingly let to him, at the same
rent which the town received for it in the sixty-nine.
Nothing could be more manifest than that there was
some jookeriecookerie in thisaffair; butinwhat man-
ner it was done, or howthe dean of guild's benefit was
to ensue, no one could tell, and few were able to con-
no

THE SECOND PROVOSTRY

jecture; for my lord was sorely straitened for money,
and had nothing to spare out of hand. However, to-
wards the end of the year, a light broke in upon us.

Gabriel M'Lucre, the dean of guild's fifth son, a fine
spirited laddie, somehow got suddenly a cadetcy to
go to India; and there were uncharitably-minded
persons, who said, that this was the payment for the
Niggerbrae job to my lord. The outcry, in conse-
quence, both against the dean of guild,and especially
against the magistrates and council for consenting
thereto, was so extraordinary, and I was so openly
upbraided for being so long lukewarm, that I was, in
a manner, forced again forward to take a prominent
part; but I took good care to letitbe well known, that,
in resuming my public faculties, I was resolved to take
my own way, and to introduce a new method and re-
formation into all our concerns. Accordingly, at the
Michaelmas following, that is, in the eighty-nine, I
was a second time chosen to the provostry, with an
understanding, that I was to be upheld in the office
and dignity for two years; and that sundry improve-
ments, which I thought the town was susceptible of,
both in the causey of the streets and the reparation
of the kirk, should be set about under my direction;
but the way in which I handled thesame, and brought
them to a satisfactory completeness and perfection,

will supply abundant matter for two chapters.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

ON THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE
STREETS

ii

CHAPTER FIFTEEN ON THE

IMPROVEMENT OF THE STREETS

IN ANCIENT TIMES, GUDETOWN HAD

been fortified with ports and gates at the end of the
streets; and in troublesome occasions, the country
people, as the traditions relate, were in the practice
of driving in their families and cattle for shelter. This
gave occasion to that great width in our streets, and
those of other royal burghs, which is so remarkable;
the same being so built to give room and stance for
the cattle. But in those days the streets were not paved
at the sides, but only in the middle, or, as it was called,
the crown of the causey; which was raised and backed
upward, to let the rain-water run off into the gutters.
In progress of time, however, as the land and king-
dom gradually settled down into an orderly state, the
farmers and country folk having no cause to drive in
their herds and flocks, as in the primitive ages of a
rampageous antiquity, the proprietors of houses in
the town, at their own cost, began, one after another,
to pave the spaces of ground between their steadings
and the crown of the causey; the which spaces were
called lones, and the lones being considered as pri-
vate property, the corporation had only regard to the
middle portion of the street — that which I have said
was named the crown of the causey.

The effect of this separation of interests in a com-
mon good began to manifest itself, when the pave-
ment of the crown of the causey, by neglect, became

THE PROVOST

rough and dangerous to loaded carts and gentlemen's
carriages passing through the town; in so much that,
for some time prior to my second provostry,the carts
and carriages made no hesitation of going over the
lones, instead of keeping the highway in the middle
of the street; at which many of the burgesses made
loud and just complaints.

One dark night, the very first Sunday after my res-
toration to the provostry, there was like to have hap-
pened a very sore thing by an old woman, one Peggy
Waife, who had been out with her gown-tail over her
head for a choppin of strong ale. As she was coming
home, with her ale in a greybeard in her hand, a chaise
in full bir came upon her and knocked her down, and
broke the greybeard and spilt the liquor. The cry was
terrible; somethoughtpoor Peggy was killed outright,
and wives, with candles in their hands, started out at
the doors and windows. Peggy, however, was more ter-
rified than damaged; but the gentry that were in the
chaise,beingtermagant English travellers, swore like
dragoons that thestreetsshouldbeindicted as a nuis-
ance; and when they put up at the inns, two of them
came to me, as provost, to remonstrate on the shame-
ful condition of the pavement, and to lodge in my
hands the sum often pounds for the behoof of Peggy;
the which was greater riches than ever the poor crea-
ture thought to attain in this world. Seeing they were
gentlemen of a right quality, I did what I could to

116

IMPROVEMENT OF THE STREETS

pacify them, by joining in every thing they said in
condemnation of the streets; tellingthem, at thesame
time, that the improvement of the causey was to be
the very first object and care of my provostry. And
I bade Mrs Pawkie bring in the wine decanters, and
requested them to sit down with me and take a glass
of wine and a sugar biscuit; the civility of which, on
my part, soon brought them into a peaceable way of
thinking, and they went away, highly commending
my politess and hospitality, of which they spoke in
the warmest terms, to their companion when they re-
turned to the inns, as the waiter who attended them
overheard, and told the landlord, who informed me
and others of the same in the morning. So that on the
Saturdayfollowing,when thetown-council met, there
was no difficulty in getting a minute entered at the
sederunt,that thecrownof thecauseyshould beforth-
with put in a state of reparation.

Having thus gotten the thing determined upon, I
then proposed that we should have the work done by
contract, and that notice should be given publicly of
such being our intent. Some boggling was made to
this proposal, it never having been the use and wont
of the corporation, in time past, to do any thing by
contract, but just to put whatever was required into
the hands of one of thecouncil, who got the work done
in the best way he could; by which loose manner of
administration great abuses were often allowed to
117

THE PROVOST

pass unreproved. But I persisted in my resolution to
have the causey renewed by contract; and all the in-
habitants of the town gave me credit for introducing
such a great reformation into the management of
public affairs.

When it was made known that we would receive
offers to contract, divers persons came forward; and
I was a little at a loss, when I saw such competition,
as to which ought to be preferred. At last, I bethought
me, to send for the dffferent competitors, and converse
with them on the subject quietly; and I found in
Thomas Shovel, the tacksman of Whinstone-quarry,
a discreet and considerate man. His offer was, it is
true,not so low as someof the others; but he had facili-
tiestodo the work quickly, that none of the rest could
pretend to; so, upon a clear understanding of that,
with the helpofthedean of guild M'Lucre's advocacy,
Thomas Shovel got the contract. At first, I could not
divine what interest my old friend, the dean of guild,
had to be so earnest in behalf of the offering contrac-
tor; in course of time, however, it spunkit out that he
was a sleeping partner in the business, by which he
made a power of profit. But saving two three carts of
stones to big a dyke round the new steading which I
had bought a short time before at the town-end, I had
no benefit whatever. Indeed, I may take it upon me to
say, that should not say it, few provosts, in so great
a concern, could have acted more on a principle than

118

IMPROVEMENT OF THE STREETS

I did in this; and if Thomas Shovel, of his free-will,
did, at the instigation of the dean of guild, lay down
the stones on my ground as aforesaid, the town was
not wronged; for, no doubt, he paid me the compli-
ment at some expense of his own profit.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ABOUT THE REPAIR OF THE KIRK

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

ABOUT THE REPAIR OF THE KIRK

THEREPAIROFTHEKIRK,THENEXTJOB
I took in hand, was not so easily managed as that of
the causey; for it seems, in former times, the whole
space of the area had been free to the parish in general,
and that the lofts were constructions, raised at the
special expense of the heritors for themselves. The
fronts being for their families, and the back seats for
their servants and tenants. In those times there were
no such things as pews; but only forms, removeable,
as I have heard say, at pleasure.

It, however, happened, in the course of nature, that
certain forms came to be sabbathly frequented by the
same persons; who, in this manner, acquired a sort of
prescriptive right to them. And those persons or fami-
lies, one after another, findingit would be an ease and
convenience to them during divine worship, put up
backs to their forms. But still, for many a year, there
was no inclosure of pews; the first, indeed, that made
a pew, as I have been told, was one Archibald Rafter,
a wright,and the grandfather of Mr Rafter, the archi-
tect, who has had so much to do with the edification
of the new town of Edinburgh. This Archibald's form
happened to be near the door, on the left side of the
pulpit; and in the winter, when the wind was in the
north, it was a very cold seat, which induced him to
inclose it round and round, with certain old doors and
shutters, which he had acquired in taking down and
123

THE PROVOST

rebuildingthe leftwing of the Whinnyhill house. The
comfort in which this enabled him and his family to
listen to the worship, had an immediate effect; and
the example being of a takingnature,in the course of
littlemore than twentyyears from the time,thewhole
area of the kirk had been pewed in a very creditable
manner.

Families thus getting, as it were, portions of the
church, some, when removing from the town, gave
them up to their neighbours on receiving a considera-
tion for the expense they had been at in making the
pews; so that, from less to more, the pews so formed
became a lettable and a vendible property. It was,
therefore, thought a hard thing, that in the reparation
which the seats had come to require in my time, the
heritors and corporation should be obligated to pay
the cost and expense of what was so clearly the pro-
perty of others; while it seemed an impossibility to get
the whole tot of the proprietors of the pews to bear
the expense of new-seating the kirk. We had in the
council many a long and weigh tysederunt on the sub-
ject, without coming to any practical conclusion. At
last, I thought the best way, as the kirk was really be-
come a disgrace to the town, would be, for the cor-
poration to undertake the repair entirely, upon an
understanding that we were to be paideighteenpence
a bottom-room,/^ annum^ by the proprietors of the
pews; and, on sounding the heritors, I found them all

124

THE REPAIR OF THE KIRK

most willing to consent thereto, glad to be relieved
from the awful expense of gutting and replenishing
such a great concern as the kirk was. Accordingly, the
council having agreed to this proposal, we had plans
and estimates made, and notice given to the owners
of pews of our intention. The whole proceedings gave
thegreatest satisfaction possible to the inhabitants in
general, who lauded and approved of my discernment
more and more.

By the estimate, it was found that the repairs would
cost about a thousand pounds; and by the plan, that
theseats,at eighteenpence a sitter, would yield better
than a hundred pounds a-year; so that there was no
scruple, on the part of the town-council, in borrowing
the money wanted. This was the first public debt ever
contracted by the corporation, and people were very
fain to get their money lodged at five percent, on such
good security; in so much, that we had a great deal
more offered than we required at that time
and epoch.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE LAW PLEA

CHAPTER XVII THE LAW PLEA

THE REPAIR OF THE KIRK WAS UNDER-
taken by contract with William Plane, the joiner, with
whom I was in terms at the time anent the bigging of
a land of houses on my newsteading at the town-end .
A most reasonable man in all things he was, and in
no concern of my own had I a better satisfaction than
in the house he built for me at the conjuncture when
he had the town's work in the kirk; but there was at
that period among us a certain person, of the name
ofNabalSmeddum, a tobacconist by calling, who, up
to this season, had been regarded but as a droll and
comical body at a coothy crack. He was, in stature,
of the lower order of mankind, but endowed with an
inclination towards corpulency, by which he had ac-
quired some show of a belly, and his face was round,
and his cheeks both red and sleeky. He was, however,
in his personalities, chiefly remarkable for two queer
and twinkling little eyes, and for a habitual custom
of licking his lips whenever he said any thing of pith
or jocosity, or thought that he had done so, which was
very often the case. In his apparel, as befitted his trade,
he wore a suit of snuff-coloured cloth, and a brown
round-eared wig, that curled close in to his neck.

Mr Smeddum, as I have related, was in some esti-
mation for his comicality; but he was a dure hand at
an argument, and would not see the plainest truth
when itwas not on his side of thedebate. No occasion
or cause, however, had come to pass by which this in-
129 I

THE PROVOST

herent cross-grainedness was stirred into action, till
the affair of reseating the kirk — a measure, as I have
mentioned, which gave the best satisfaction; but it hap-
pened that, on a Saturday night, as I was goingsober-
ly home from a meeting of the magistrates in the
clerk's chamber, I by chance recollected that I stood
in need of having my box replenished; and according-
ly, in the most innocent and harmless manner that it
was possible for a man to do, I stepped into this Mr
Smeddum, the tobacconist's shop, and while he was
compounding my mixture from the two canisters that
stood on his counter, and I was in a manner doing
nothingbut looking at the number of counterfeit six-
pences and shillings that were nailed thereon as an
admonishment to his customers, he said to me, "So,
provost, we're to hae a new lining to the kirk. I won-
der, when ye were at it, that ye didna rather think of
bigging another frae the fundament,for I'm thinking
the walls are no o' a capacity of strength to outlast
this seating."

Knowing, as I did, the tough temper of the body,
I can attribute my entering into an argument with
him on the subject to nothing but some inconsiderate
infatuation; for when I said heedlessly, the walls are
very good, he threw the brass snuff-spoon with an ecs-
tasy into one of the canisters, and lifting his two hands
into a posture of admiration, cried, as if he had seen
an unco —

130

THE LAW PLEA

"Good! surely, provost, ye hae na had an inspection;
they're crackit in divers places; they 're shotten out wi'
infirmity in others. In short, the whole kirk, frae the
coping to the fundament, is a fabric smitten wi' a
paralytic."

"It's very extraordinar, MrSmeddum," was my re-
ply, "that nobody has seen a' this but yoursel'."

"Na, if ye will deny the fact, provost," quo' he, "it's
o' no service for me to say a word; but there has to a
moral certainty been a slackness somewhere, or how
has it happened that the wa's were na subjected to a
right inspection before this job o' the seating?"

By this time,I had seen thegreat error into the which
I had fallen, by entering on a confabulation with Mr
Smeddum; so I said to him, "It' no a matter for you
and me to dispute about, so I'll thank you to fill my
box;" the which manner of putting an end to the de-
bate he took very ill; and after I left the shop, he laid
the marrow of our discourse open to Mr Threeper the
writer, who by chance went in,likemysel',to getasup-
ply of rappee for the Sabbath. That limb of the law
discerning a sediment of litigation in the case, eggit
on Mr Smeddum into a persuasion that the seating
of the kirk was a thing which the magistrates had no
legal authority to undertake. At this critical moment,
my ancient adversary and seeming friend, the dean
of guild, happened to pass the door, and the bicker-
ing snuff-man seeing him, cried to him to come in.

THE PROVOST

It wasaveryunfortunateoccurrence;for MrM'Lucre
having a secret interest, as I have intimated, in the
whinstone qu arry, when he heard of taking down walls
and bigging them up again, he listened with greedy
ears to the dubieties of Mr Threeper, and loudly, and
to the heart's content of Mr Smeddum, condemned
the frailty and infirmity of the kirk, as a building in
general.

It would be overly tedious to mention, however, all
the outs and ins of the affair; but, from less to more, a
faction was begotten, and grew to head, and stirring
among the inhabitants of the town, not only with re-
gard to the putting of new seats within the old walls,
but likewise as to the power of the magistrates to lay
out any part of the public funds in the reparation of the
kirk; and the upshot was, a contribution amongcertain
malecontents, to enable Mr Threeper to consult on
all the points.

As in all similar cases, the parties applyingfor legal
advice were heartened into a plea by the opinion they
got, and the town-council was thrown into the great-
est consternation by receiving notice that the male-
contents were going to extremities.

Two things I saw it was obligational on me to urge
forward; the onewastogoonstill with the reparations,
and the other to contest the law-suit, although some
were for waiting in the first case till the plea was settled,
and in the second to make no defence, but to give up

132

THE LAW PLEA

our intention anent the new-seating. But I thought
that, as we had borrowed the money for the repairs,
we should proceed; and I had a vista that the contri-
bution raised by the Smeddumites,as they were called,
would run out, being from their own pockets, whereas
we fought with the public purse in our hand; and by
dintofexhortation to that effect, I carried the majority
to go into my plan, which in the end was most gratify-
ing, for the kirk was in a manner made as good as new,
and thecontributional stock of theSmeddumiteswas
entirely rookit by the lawyers, who would fain have
them to form another, assuring them that, no doubt,
the legal point was in their favour. But every body
knows the uncertainty ofalegalopinion;and although
the case was given up, for lack of a fund to carry it on,
there was a livingemberof discontent left in its ashes,
ready to kindle into a flame on the first puff
of popular dissatisfaction.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
THE SUPPRESSION OF THE FAIRS

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

THE SUPPRESSION OF THE FAIRS

THE SPIRIT BY WHICH THE SMEDDUM-
ites were actuated in ecclesiastical affairs, was a type
and taste of the great distemper with which all the
world was, moreorless,atthetimeinflamed, and which
cast the ancient state and monarchy of France into the
perdition of anarchy and confusion. I think, upon the
whole, however, that our royal burgh was not afflicted
to any very dangerous degree, though there was a sort
of itch of it among a few of the sedentary orders, such
as the weavers and shoemakers, who, by the nature
ofsittinglonginoneposture,areapttobecomesubject
to the flatulence of theoretical opinions; but although
this was my notion,yet knowinghowmuch better the
king and government were acquainted with the true
condition of things than I could to a certainty be, I
kept a steady eye on the proceedings of the ministers
and parliament at London, taking them for an index
and model forthemanagementof thepublicconcerns,
which, by the grace of God, and the handling of my
friends, I was raised up and set forward to undertake.
Seeing the great dread and anxiety that was above,
as to the inordinate liberty of the multitude, and how
necessary it was to bridle popularity, which was be-
comerampantand ill to ride, kicking at all established
order, and trying to throw both king and nobles from
the saddle, I resolved to discountenance all tumultu-
ous meetings, and to place every reasonable impedi-
137

THE PROVOST

ment in the way of multitudes assembling together:
indeed,! had for many years been of opinion, that fairs
were become a greatpolitical evil to theregularshop-
keepers, by reason of the packmen, and other travel-
ling merchants, coming with their wares and under-
selling us; so that both private interest and public prin-
ciple incited me on to do all in my power to bring our
fair-days into disrepute. It cannot betoldwhataworld
of thought and consideration this cost me before I
lighted on the right method, nor, without a dive into
the past times of antiquity, is it in the power of man
to understand the difficulties of the matter.

Some of our fair-days were remnants of the papis-
tical idolatry, and instituted of old by the Pope and
Cardinals, in order to make an income from the vice
and immorality that was usually rife at the same.
These, in the main points, were only market-days of
a blither kind than the common. The country folks
came in dressed in their best, the schools got the
play, and a longrank of sweety-wives and their stands,
covered with the wonted dainties of the occasion,
occupied the sunny side of the High Street; while
the shady side was, in like manner, taken possession
of by the packmen, who, in their booths, made a mar-
vellous display of goods of an inferior quality, with
laces and ribands of all colours, hanging down in
front, and twirling like pinnets in the wind. There
was likewise the allurement of some compendious

138

THE SUPPRESSION OF THE FAIRS

show of wild beasts; in short, a swatch of every thing
that the art of man has devised for such occasions,
to wile away the bawbee.

Besides the fairs of this sort, that may be said to
be of a pious origin, there were others of a more bois-
terous kind, that had come of the times of trouble,
when the trades paraded with war-like weapons, and
the banners of their respective crafts; and in every
seventh year we had a resuscitation of King Crispi-
anus in all his glory and regality, with the man in
thecoat-of-mail,of bell-metal,and the dukes, and lord
mayor of London, at the which, the influx of lads
and lasses from the country was just prodigious, and
the rioting and rampaging at night, the brulies and
the dancing, was worse than Vanity Fair in the Pil-
grim's Progress.

To put down, and utterly to abolish, by stress of
law, or authority, any ancient pleasure of the com-
monality,! had learned, by this time, was not wisdom,
and that the fairs were only to be effectually sup-
pressed by losing their temptations, and so to cease
to call forth any expectation of merriment among
the people. Accordingly, with respect to the fairs of
pious origin, I, without expounding my secret mo-
tives, persuaded the council, that, having been at so
great an expense in new-paving the streets, weought
not to permit the heavy caravans of wild beasts to
occupy, as formerly, the front of the Tolbooth to-
139

THE PROVOST

wards the Cross; but to order them, for the future, to
keep at the Greenhead. This was, in a manner, ex-
purgating them out of the town altogether; and the
consequence was, that the people, who were wont to
assemble in the High Street, came to bedivided,part
gathering at the Greenhead, round the shows, and
part remaining among the stands and the booths;
thus an appearance was given of the fairs being less
attended than formerly, and gradually, year after
year, the venerable race of sweety- wives, and chatty
packmen, that were so detrimental to the shopkeep-
ers, grew less and less numerous, until the fairs fell
into insignificance.

At the parade fair, the remnant of the weapon-
showing, I proceeded more roundly to work, and re-
solved to debar, by proclamation, all persons from
appearing with arms; but the deacons of the trades
spared me the trouble of issuing the same, for they
dissuaded their crafts from parading. Nothing, how-
ever, so well helped me out as the volunteers, of which
I will speak by and by; for when the war began, and
they were formed, nobody could afterwards abide to
lookatthe fantastical and disorderly marching of the
trades, in their processions and paradings; so that, in
this manner, all the glory of the fairs being shorn and
expunged, they have fallen into disrepute, and have
suffered a natural suppression.

CHAPTER NINETEEN
THE VOLUNTEERING

CHAPTER XIX THE VOLUNTEERING

THE VOLUNTEERS BEGAN IN THE YEAR

1793, when the democrats in Paris threatened the
downfall and utter subversion of kings, lords, and
commons. As became us who were of the council, we
drew up an address to his majesty, assuring him that
our lives and fortunes were at his disposal. To the
which dutiful address, we received, by return of post,
a very gracious answer; and, at the same time, the
lord-lieutenant gave me a bit hint, that it would be
very pleasant to his majesty to hear that we had vol-
unteers in our town, men of creditable connexions,
and willing to defend their property.

When I got this note from his lordship, I went to
Mr Pipe, the wine-merchant, and spoke to him con-
cerning it, and we had some discreet conversation on
the same; in the which it was agreed between us that,
as I was now rather inclined to a corpulency of parts,
and being likewise chief civil magistrate, it would not
do to set myself at the head of a body of soldiers, but
that the consequence might be made up to me in the
clothing of the men;solconsentedtoput the business
into his hands upon this understanding. Accordingly,
he went the same night with me to Mr Dinton, that
was in the general merchandizing line, a part-owner
in vessels, a trafficker in corn, and now and then a
canny discounter of bills, at a moderate rate, to folk
in straits and difficulties. And we told him — the
same being agreed between us, as the best way of
143

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fructifying the job to a profitable issue — that, as pro-
vost, I had got an intimation to raise a corps of vol-
unteers, and that I thought no better hand could be
got for a co-operation than him and Mr Pipe, who
was pointed out to me as a gentleman weel qualified
for the command.

Mr Dinton, who was a proud man, and an offset
from one of the county families, I could see was not
overly pleased at the preferment over him given to
Mr Pipe, so that I was in a manner constrained to
loot a sort a-jee, and to wile him into good-humour
with all the ability in my power, by saying that it was
natural enough of the king and government to think
of Mr Pipe as one of the most proper men in the town,
he paying, as he did,thelargest sum of the king's dues
at the excise, and being, as we all knew, in a great
correspondence with foreign ports — and I winkit to
Mr Pipe as I said this, and he could with a difficulty
keep his countenance at hearing how I so beguiled
Mr Dinton into a spirit of loyalty for the raising of
the volunteers.

The ice being thus broken, next day we had a meet-
ing, before the council met, to take the business into
public consideration, and we thereat settled on cer-
tain creditable persons in the town, of a known prin-
ciple, as the fittest to be officers under the command
of Mr Pipe, as commandant, and Mr Dinton, as his
colleague under him. We agreed amongus, as the cus-

144

THE VOLUNTEERING

torn was in other places, that they should be elected
major, captain, lieutenants, and ensigns, by the free
votes of the whole corps, according to the degrees
that we had determined forthem.In the doingof this,
and the bringing it to pass,my skill and management
was greatly approved and extolled by all who had a
peep behind the curtain.

The town-council being, as I have intimated, con-
vened to hear the gracious answer to the address
read, and to take into consideration the suggesting
anent the volunteering, met in the clerk's chamber,
where we agreed to call a meeting of the inhabitants
of the town by proclamation, and by a notice in the
church. This being determined, Mr Pipe and Mr Din-
ton got a paper drawn up, and privately, before the
Sunday, a number of their genteeler friends, includ-
ing those whom we had noted down to be elected
officers, set their names as willing to be volunteers.

On theSunday,MrPittle,at myinstigation,preach-
ed a sermon, showing forth the necessity of arming
ourselves in the defence of all that was dear to us. It
was a discourse of great method and sound argu-
ment, but not altogether so quickened with pith and
bir as might have been wished for; but it paved the
way to the readingout of the summons for the inhabi-
tants to meet the magistrates in the church on the
Thursday following, for the purpose, as it was word-
ed by the town-clerk, to take into consideration the
145 K

THE PROVOST

best means of saving the king and kingdom in the
then monstrous crisis of public affairs.

The discourse, with the summons, and a rumour
and whispering that had in the mean time taken
place, caused the desired effect; in so much, that, on
the Thursday, there was a great congregation of the
male portion of the people. At the which, old Mr
Dravel — a genteel man he was, well read in matters
of history, though somewhat over-portioned with a
conceit of himself — got up on the table, in one of the
table-seats forenent the poopit, and made a speech
suitable to the occasion; in the which he set forth
what manful things had been done of old by the
Greeks and the Romans for their country, and, wax-
ing warm with his subject, he cried out with a loud
voice, towards the end of the discourse, giving at the
same time a stamp with his foot, "Come, then, as men
and as citizens; the cry is for your altars and your
God."

"Gude save's, Mr Dravel, are ye gane by yoursel?"
cried Willy Goggle from the front of the loft, a daft
bodythatwas ayefar ben onallpublicoccasions — "to
think that our God's a Pagan image in need of sick
feckless help as the like o' thine?" The which outcry
of Willy raised a most extraordinary laugh at the fine
paternoster, about the ashes of our ancestors, that Mr
Dravel had been so vehemently rehearsing; and I was
greatly afraid that the solemnity of the day would be

146

THE VOLUNTEERING

turned into a ridicule. However, Mr Pipe, who was
upon the whole a man no without both senseand cap-
acity, rose and said, that our business was to strength-
en the hands of government, by coming forward as
volunteers; and therefore, without thinking it necess-
ary, among the people of this blessed land, to urge
any arguments in furtherance of that object,he would
propose that a volunteer corps should be raised; and
he begged leave of me, who, as provost, was in the
chair, to read a few words that he had hastily thrown
together on the subject, as the outlines of a pact of
agreement among those who might be inclined to
join with him. I should here, however, mention, that
the said few words of a pact was the costive product
overnight of no small endeavour between me and Mr
Dinton as well as him.

When he had thus made his motion, Mr Dinton,
as we had concerted, got up and seconded the same,
pointing out the liberal spirit in which theagreement
was drawn, as every person signing it was eligible to
be an officer of any rank, and every man had a vote in
the preferment of the officers. All which was mightily
applauded; and upon this I rose, and said, "It was a
pleasant thing for me to have to report to his ma-
jesty's government the loyalty of the inhabitants of
our town, and the unanimity of the volunteering
spirit among them— and to testify," said I, "to all the
world, how much we are sensible of the blessings of
147

THE PROVOST

the true liberty we enjoy, I would suggestthat the mat-
ter of the volunteering be left entirely to Mr Pipe and
Mr Dinton, with afew other respectable gentlemen,as
a committee, to carry the same into effect;" and with
that I looked, as it were, round the church, and then
said, "There's MrOranger,a better couldna be joined
with them." Hewas a most creditable man, and a gro-
cer, that we had waled out for a captain; so I desired,
havinggotanod of assent from him, that Mr Granger's
name might be added to their's, as one of the com-
mittee. In like manner I did by all the rest whom we
had previously chosen. Thus, in a manner, predispos-
ing the public towards them for officers.

In the course of the week, by the endeavours of the
committee, a sufficient number of names was got to
the paper, and the election of the officers came on on
the Tuesday following; at which, though there was a
sort of a contest, and nothing could be a fairer elec-
tion, yet the very persons that we had chosen were
elected, though some of them had but a narrow
chance. Mr Pipe was made the commandant, by a
superiority of only two votes over Mr Dinton.

CHAPTER TWENTY
THE CLOTHING

CHAPTER TWENTY THE CLOTHING

IT WAS AN UNDERSTOOD THING AT
first, that, saving in the matter of guns and other mil-
itary implements, the volunteers were to be at all
their own expenses; out of which, both tribulation
and disappointment ensued; for when it came to be
determined about the uniforms, Major Pipe found
that he could by no possibility wise all the furnish-
ing to me, every one being disposed to get his regi-
mentals from his own merchant; and there was also
a division anent the colour of the same, many of the
doucer sort of the men being blate of appearing in
scarlet and gold-lace, insisting with a great earnest-
ness, almost to a sedition, on the uniform being blue.
So thatthewhole advantageof acontractwas frustra-
ted, and I began to be sorry that I had not made a
point of being, notwithstanding the alleged weight
and impediment of my corpulence, the major-com-
mandant myself. However, things, after some time,
began to take a turn for the better; and the art of
raising volunteers being better understood in the
kingdom, Mr Pipe went into Edinburgh, and upon
some conference with the lord advocate, got permis-
sion to augment his force by another company, and
leave to draw two days' pay a-week for account of
the men, and to defray the necessary expenses of the
corps. The doing of this bred no little agitation in the
same; and some of the forward and upsetting spirits
of the younger privates, that had been smitten, though

THE PROVOST

not in a disloyal sense, with the insubordinate spirit
of the age, clamoured about the rights of the original
bargain with them, insisting that the officers had no
privilege to sell their independence, and a deal of
trash of that sort, and finally withdrew from the
corps, drawing, to the consternation of the officers,
the pay that had been taken in their names; and
which the officers could not refuse, although it was
really wanted for the contingencies of the service, as
Major Pipe himself told me.

When the corps had thus been rid of these turbu-
lent spirits, the men grew more manageable and
rational, assenting by little and little to all the pro-
posals of the officers, until there was a true military
dominion of discipline gained over them; and a joint
contract was entered into between Major Pipe and
me, for a regular supply of all necessaries, in order to
insure a uniform appearance, which, it is well known,
is essential to a right discipline. In the end, when the
eyes of men in civil stations had got accustomed to
military show and parade, it was determined to
change the colour of the cloth from blue to red, the
former having at first been preferred, and worn for
some time; in the accomplishment of which change
I had (and why should I disguise the honest fact?)
my share of the advantage which the kingdom at
large drew, in that period of anarchy and confusion,
from the laudable establishment of avolunteer force.

152

THE DOMINIE

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
THE PRESSGANG

CHAPTER XXI THE PRESSGANG

DURING THE SAME JUST AND NECESS-
ary war for all that was dear to us, in which the
volunteers were raised, one of the severest trials hap-
pened to me that ever any magistrate was subjected
to. I had, at the time, again subsided into an ordinary
counsellor; but it so fell out that, by reason of Mr
Shuttlethrift, who was then provost, having occasion
and need to go into Glasgow upon some affairs of his
own private concerns, he being interested in the Kil-
beacon cotton-mill; and Mr Dalrye, the bailie, who
should have acted for him,beinglikewise from home,
anent a plea he had with a neighbour concerning the
bounds of their rigs and gables; the whole authority
and power of the magistrates devolved, by a courtesy
on the part of their colleague, Bailie Hammerman,
into my hands.

For some time before, there had been an ingather-
ing among us of sailor lads from the neighbouring
ports, who on their arrival, in order to shun the press-
gangs, left their vessels and came to scog themselves
with us. By this, a rumour or a suspicion rose that the
men-of-war's men were suddenly to come at the dead
hour of the night and sweep them all away. Heaven
only knows whether this notice was bred in the fears
and jealousies of the people, or was a humane inkling
given, by some of the men-of-war's men, to put the
poor sailor lads on their guard, was never known.
But on a Saturday night, as I was on the eve of step-
155

THE PROVOST

ping into my bed, I shall never forget it — MrsPawkie
was already in, and as sound as a door-nail — and I
was just crooking my mouth to blow out the candle,
when I heard a rap. As our bed-room window was
over the door, I looked out. It was a dark night; but
I could see by aglaik of light from a neighbour's win-
dow, that there was a man with a cocked hat at the
door.

"What's your will?" said I to him, as I looked out
at him in my nightcap. He made no other answer, but
that hewas one of his majesty's officers,and had busi-
ness with the justice.

I did not like this Englification and voice of claim
and authority; however, I drew on my stockings and
breeks again, and taking my wife's flannel coaty
about my shoulders — for I was then troubled with
the rheumatiz — I went down, and, opening the door,
let in the lieutenant.

"I come," said he, "to show you my warrant and
commission, and to acquaint you that, having in-
formation of several able-bodied seamen being in the
town, I mean to make a search for them."

I really did not well know what to say at the mo-
ment; but I begged him, for the love of peace and
quietness, to defer his work till the next morning:
but he said he must obey his orders; and he was sorry
that it was his duty to be on so disagreeable a ser-
vice, with many other things, that showed something

THE PRESSGANG

like a sense of compassion that could not have been
hoped for in the captain of a pressgang.

When he had said this, he then went away, saying,
for he saw my tribulation, that it would be as well for
me to be prepared in case of any riot. This was the
worst news of all; but what could I do? I thereupon
went again to Mrs Pawkie, and shaking her awake,
told her what was going on, and a terrified woman
she was. I then dressed myself with all possible ex-
pedition, and went to the town-clerk's, and we sent
for the town-officers, and then adjourned to the coun-
cil-chamber to wait the issue of what might betide.

In my absence, Mrs Pawkie rose out of her bed,
and by some wonderful instinct collecting all the
bairns, went with them to the minister's house, as to
a place of refuge and sanctuary.

Shortly after we had been in the council-room, I
opened the window and looked out, but all was still;
the town was lying in the defencelessness of sleep,
and nothing was heard but the clicking of the town-
clock in the steeple over our heads. By and by, how-
ever, a sough and pattering of feet was heard ap-
proaching; and shortly after, in looking out, we saw
the pressgang, headed by their officers, with cutlasses
by their side, and great club-sticks in their hands.
They said nothing; but the sound of their feet on the
silent stonesof thecausey,wasas the noiseof a dread-
ful engine. They passed, and went on; and all that

THE PROVOST

were with me in the council stood at the windows and
listened. In the course of a minute or two after, two
lassies, with a callan, that had been out, came flying
and wailing, giving the alarm to the town. Then we
heard the driving of the bludgeons on the doors, and
the outcries of terrified women; and presently after
we saw the poor chased sailors running in their shirts,
with their clothes in their hands, as if they had been
felons and blackguards caught in guilt, and flying
from the hands of justice.

The town was awakened with the din as with the
cry of fire; and lights came starting forward, as it
were, to the windows. The women were out with la-
mentations and vows of vengeance. I was in a state
of horror unspeakable. Then came some three or four
of the pressgang with a struggling sailor in their
clutches, with nothing but his trousers on — his shirt
riven from his back in the fury. Syne came the rest
of the gang and their officers, scattered as itwerewith
a tempest of mud and stones, pursued and battered
by a troop of desperate women and weans, whose
fathers and brothers were in jeopardy. And these were
followed by the wailing wife of the pressed man, with
her five bairns, clamouring in their agony to heaven
against the king and government for the outrage. I
couldna listen to the fearful justice of their outcry,
but sat down in a corner of the council-chamber with
my fingers in my ears.

158

THE PRESSGANG

In a little while a shout of triumph rose from the
mob, and we heard them returning, and I felt, as it
were, relieved; but the sound of their voices became
hoarse and terrible as they drew near, and, in a mo-
ment, I heard the jingle of twenty broken windows
rattle in the street. My heart misgave me; and, in-
deed, it was my own windows. They left not one pane
unbroken; and nothing kept them from demolishing
the house to the ground-stone but the exhortations
of Major Pipe, who, on hearing the uproar, was up
and out, and did all in his power to arrest the fury of
the tumult. It seems, the mob had taken it into their
heads that I had signed what they called the press-
warrants; and on driving the gang out of the town,
and rescuing the man, they came to revenge them-
selves on me and mine; which is the cause that made
me say it was a miraculous instinct that led Mrs
Pawkieto take thefamily to Mr Pittle's;for,had they
been in the house, it is not to be told what the conse-
quences might have been.

Before morning the riot was ended, but the dam-
age to my house was very great; and I was intending,
as the public had done the deed, that the town should
have paid for it. "But," said Mr Keelivine, the town-
clerk, " I think you may do better; and this calamity,
if properly handled to the government, may make
your fortune," I reflected on the hint; and accord-
ingly, the next day, I went over to the regulating
159

THE PROVOST

captain of the pressgang, and represented to him the
great damage and detriment which I had suffered, re-
questing him to represent to government that it was
all owing to the part I had taken in his behalf. To
this, for a time, he made some scruple of objection;
but at last he drew up, in my presence, a letter to the
lords of the admiralty, telling what he had done, and
how he and his men had been ill-used, and that the
house of the chief-magistrate of the town had been
in a manner destroyed by the rioters.

By the same post I wrote off myself to the lord ad-
vocate, and likewise to the secretary of state, in Lon-
don; commending, very properly, the prudent and
circumspect manner in which the officer had come to
apprize me of his duty, and giving as faithful an ac-
count as I well could of the riot; concluding with a
simple notification of what had been done to my
house, and the outcry that might be raised in the
town were any part of the town's funds to be used in
the repairs.

Both the lord advocate and Mr Secretary of State
wrote me back by retour of post, thanking me for my
zeal in the public service; and I was informed that, as
it might not be expedient to agitate in the town the
payment of the damage which my house had re-
ceived, the lords of the treasury would indemnify me
for the same; and this was done in a manner which
showed the blessings we enjoy under our most vener-

160

THE PRESSGANG

able constitution; for I was not only thereby enabled,
by what I got, to repair the windows, but to build up
a vacant steading; the same which I settled last year
on my dochter, Marion, when she was married to Mr
Geery, of the Gatherton Holme.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
THE WIG DINNER

CHAPTER XXII THE WIG DINNER

THE AFFAIR OF THE PRESSGANG GAVE

great concern to all of the council; for it was thought
that the loyalty of the burgh would be called in ques-
tion, and doubted by the king's ministers, notwith-
standing our many assurances to the contrary; the
which sense and apprehension begat among us an in-
ordinate anxiety to manifest our principles on all ex-
pedient occasions. In the doing of this,divers curious
and comical things came to pass; but the most com-
ical of all waswhat happenedat the Michaelmas din-
ner following the riot.

The weather, for some days before, had been raw
for that time of the year, and Michaelmas-day was,
both for wind and wet and cold, past ordinar; in so
much that we were obligated to have a large fire in
thecouncil-chamber, where we dined. Round this fire,
after drinking his majesty's health and the other ap-
propriate toasts, we were sitting as cozy as could be;
and every one the longer he sat, and the oftener his
glass visited the punch-bowl, waxed more and more
royal, till everybody was in a most hilarious tempera-
ment, singing songs and joining chorus with the
greatest cordiality.

It happened, among others of the company, there
was a gash old carl, the laird of Bodletonbrae, who
was a very capital hand at a joke; and he, chancing to
notice that the whole of the magistrates and town-
council then present wore wigs, feigned to become

165

THE PROVOST

out of all bounds with the demonstrations of his de-
votion to king and country; and others that were
there, not wishing to appear any thing behind him in
the same, vied in their sprose of patriotism, and brag-
ging in a manful manner of what, in the hour of trial,
they would be seen to do. Bodletonbrae was all the
time laughing in his sleeve at the way he was work-
ing them on, till at last, after they had flung the
glasses twice or thrice over their shoulders, he pro-
posed we should throw our wigs in the fire next.
Surely there was some glammer about us that caused
us not to observe his devilry, for the laird had no wig
on his head. Be that, however, as it may, the instiga-
tion took effect, and in the twinkling of an eye every
scalp was bare, and the chimley roaring with the
roasting of gude kens how manypowdered wigs well
fattened with pomatum. But scarcely was the deed
done, till every one was admonished of his folly, by
the laird laughing, like a being out of his senses, at
the number of bald heads and shaven crowns that his
device had brought to light, and by one and all of us
experiencing the coldness of the air on the naked-
ness of our upper parts.

The first thing that we then did was to send the
town-officers, who were waiting on as usual for the
dribbles of the bottles and the leavings in the bowls,
to bring our nightcaps, but I trow few were so lucky
as me, for I had a spare wig at home, which Mrs Paw-

166

THE WIG DINNER

kie, my wife, a most considerate woman, sent to me;
so that I was, in a manner, to all visibility, none the
worse of the ploy; but the rest of the council were per-
fect oddities within their wigs, and the sorest thing of
all was, that the exploit of burning the wigs had got
wind; so that, when we left the council-room, there
was a great congregation of funny weans andmisleart
trades' lads assembled before the tolbooth, shouting,
and like as if they were out of the body with daffing,
to see so many ofthe heads ofthe town in their night-
caps, and no, may be, just so solid at the time as could
have been wished. Nor did the matter rest here; for
the generality ofthe sufferers being in a public way,
were obligated to appear the next day in their shops,
and at their callings, with their nightcaps— -for few of
them had two wigs like me — by which no small mer-
riment ensued, and was continued for many a day. It
would hardly, however, be supposed, that in such a
matterany thing could have redounded tomyadvan-
tage; but so it fell out, that by my wife's prudence in
sending me myother wig,itwas observed by the com-
monality, when we sallied forth to go home, that I had
on my wig, and it was thought I had a very meritori-
ous command of myself, and was the only man in the
town fit for a magistrate; for in every thing I was seen
to be mostcautious and considerate. I could not,how-
ever, when I saw the turn the affair took to my advan-
tage,but reflect on what small and visionary grounds
the popularity of public men will sometimes rest.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
THE DEATH OF MR M'LUCRE

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

THE DEATH OF MR M'LUCRE

SHORTLY AFTER THE AFFAIR RECORD-
ed in the foregoing chapter, an event came to pass in
the burgh that had been for some time foreseen.

My old friend and adversary, Bailie M'Lucre, being
now a man well stricken in years, was one night, in
goinghome from a gavawlling with some ofthe neigh-
bours at Mr Shuttlethrift's, the manufacturer's, (the
bailie, canny man, never liket ony thing ofthe sort at
his own cost and outlay,) having partaken largely of
the bowl, for the manufacturerwasofa blithe humour
— the bailie, as I was say ing, in going home, was over-
taken by an apoplexyjust at the threshold of his own
door, and although it did not kill him outright, it
shoved him, as it were, almost into the very grave; in
so much that he never spoke an articulate word dur-
ing the several weeks he was permitted to doze away
his latter end; and accordingly he died, and was buri-
ed in a very creditable manner to the community, in
consideration ofthe long space of time he had been
a public man among us.

But what rendered the event of his death, in my
opinion, the more remarkable, was, that I considered
with him the last remnant ofthe old practice of ma-
naging the concerns of the town came to a period.
For now that he is dead and gone, and also all those
whom I found conjunct with him, when I came into
power and office, I may venture to say, that things in
171

THE PROVOST

yon former times were not guided so thoroughly by
the hand of a disinterested integrity as in these latter
years. On the contrary, it seemed to be the use and
wont of men in public trusts, to think they were free
to indemnify themselves in a left-handed way for the
time and trouble they bestowed in the same. But the
thing was not so far wrong in principle as in the
hugger-muggering way in which it was done, and
which gave to it a guilty colour, that, by the judicious
stratagem of a right system, it would never have had.
In sooth to say, through the whole course of my
public life, I metwith no greater difficulties and trials
than in cleansing myself from the old habitudes of
office. For I must in verity confess, that I myself par-
took, in a degree, at my beginning, of the caterpillar
nature; and it was not until the light of happier days
called forth the wings of my endowment, that I be-
came conscious of being raised into public life for a
better purpose than to prey upon the leaves and
flourishes of the commonwealth. So that, if I have
seemed to speak lightly of those doings that are now
denominated corruptions, I hope it was discerned
therein that I did so rather to intimate that such
things were, than to consider them as in themselves
commendable. Indeed, in their notations, I have en-
deavoured, in a manner, to be governed by the spirit
of the times in which the transactions happened; for
I have lived long enough to remark, that if we judge

172

THE DEATH OF MR MCLUCRE

of past events by present motives, and do not try to
enter into the spirit of the age when they took place,
and to see them with the eyes with which they were
really seen, we shall conceit many things to be of a
bad and wicked character that were not thought so
harshly of by those who witnessed them, nor even by
those who, perhaps, suffered from them. While, there-
fore, I think it has been of a great advantage to the
public to have survived that method of administra-
tion in which the like of Bailie M 'Lucre was engen-
dered, I would not have it understood that I think
the men who held the public trusts in those days a
whit less honest than the men of my own time. The
spirit of their own age was upon them, as that of ours
is upon us, and their ways of working the wherry
entered more or less into all their trafficking, whether
for the commonality, or for their own particular be-
hoof and advantage.

I have been thus large and frank in my reflections
anent the death of the bailie, because, poor man, he
had outlived the times for which he was qualified;
and, instead of the merriment and jocularity that his
wily by-hand ways used to cause among his neigh-
bours, the rising generation began to pick and dab at
him, in such a manner, that, had he been much longer
spared, it is to be feared he would not have been al-
lowed to enjoy his earnings both with ease and hon-
our. However, he got out of the world with some re-
173

THE PROVOST

spect, and the matters of which I have now to speak,

are exalted, both in method and principle, far above

the personal considerations that took something

from the public virtue of his day

and generation.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
THE WINDY YULE

CHAPTER XXIV THE WINDY YULE

IT WAS IN THE COURSEOF THE WINTER,
after the decease of Bailie M'Lucre, that the great
loss of lives took place, which every body agreed was
one of the most calamitous things that had for many
a year befallen the town.

Three or four vessels were coming with cargoes of
grain from Ireland; another from the Baltic with
Norawa deals; and a third from Bristol, where she
had been on a charter for some Greenock merchants.

It happened that, for a time, there had been con-
trary winds, against which no vessel could enter the
port, and the ships, whereof I have been speaking,
were all lying together at anchor in the bay, waiting
a change of weather. These five vessels were owned
among ourselves, and their crews consisted of fathers
and sons belonging to the place, so that, both by
reason of interest and affection, a more than ordinary
concern was felt for them; for the sea was so rough,
that no boat could live in it to go near them, and we
had our fears that the men on board would be very
ill ofT. Nothing, however, occurred but this natural
anxiety, till the Saturday, which was Yule. In the
morning the weather was blasty and sleety, waxing
moreandmore tempestuous till about mid-day, when
the wind checked suddenly round from the nor-east
to the sou- west, and blew a gale as if the prince of the
powers of the air was doing his utmost to work mis-
chief. The rain blattered, the windows clattered, the
177 M

V

THE PROVOST

shop-shutters flapped, pigs from the lum-heads came
rattling down like thunder-claps, and the skies were
dismal both with cloud and carry. Yet, for all that,
there was in the streets a stir and a busy visitation
between neighbours, and every one went to their high
windows, to look at the five poor barks that were
warsling against the strong arm of the elements of
the storm and the ocean.

Still the lift gloomed, and the wind roared, and it
was as doleful a sight as ever was seen in any town
afflicted with calamity, to see the sailors' wives, with
their red cloaks about their heads, followed by their
hirpling and disconsolate bairns, going one after an-
other to the kirkyard, to look at the vessels where
their helpless breadwinners were battling with the
tempest. My heart was really sorrowful, and full of a
sore anxiety to think of what might happen to the
town, whereof so many were in peril, and to whom no
human magistracy could extend the arm of protec-
tion. Seeing no abatement of the wrath of heaven,
that howled and roared around us, I put on my big-
coat, and taking my staff in my hand, having tied
down my hat with a silk handkerchief, towards
gloaming I walked likewise to the kirkyard, where I
beheld such an assemblage of sorrow, as few men in
situation have ever been put to the trial to witness.

In the lea of the kirk many hundreds of the town
were gathered together; but there was no discourse

178

THE WINDY YULE

among them. The major part were sailors' wives and
weans, and at every new thud of the blast, a sob rose,
and the mothers drew their bairns closer in about
them, as if they saw the visible hand of a foe raised to
smite them. Apart from the multitude, I observed
three or four young lasses standing behind the Whin-
nyhill families' tomb, and I jealoused that they had
joes in the ships; for they often looked to the bay,
with long necks and sad faces, from behind the monu-
ment. A widow woman, one old Mary Weery, that
was a lameter, and dependent on her son, who was
on board the LoupingMeg,(as the Lovely Peggy was
nicknamed at the shore,) stood by herself, and every
now and then wrung her hands, crying, with a woeful
voice, " The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away,
blessed be the name of the Lord ; " — but it was mani-
fest to all that her faith was fainting within her. But
of all the piteous objects there, on that doleful even-
ing, none troubled my thoughts more than three
motherless children, that belonged to the mate of one
of the vessels in the jeopardy. He was an Englishman
that had been settled some years in the town, where
his family had neither kith nor kin; and his wife hav-
ing died about a month before, the bairns, of whom
the eldest was but nine or so, were friendless enough,
though both my gudewife, and other well-disposed
ladies, paid them all manner of attention till their
father would come home. The three poor little things,
179

THE PROVOST

knowing that he was in one of the ships, had been
often out and anxious, and they were then sitting un-
der the lea of a headstone, near their mother's grave,
chittering and creeping closer and closer at every
squall. Never was such an orphan-like sight seen.

When it began to be so dark that the vessels could
no longer be discerned from the churchyard, many
went down to the shore, and I took the three babies
home with me, and Mrs Pawkie made tea for them,
and they soon began to play with our own younger
children, in blythe forgetfulness of the storm; every
now and then, however, the eldest of them, when the
shutters rattled and the lum-head roared, would
pause in his innocent daffing, and cower in towards
Mrs Pawkie, as if he was daunted and dismayed by
something he knew not what.

Many a one that night walked the sounding shore
in sorrow, and fires were lighted along it to a great
extent; but the darkness and the noise of the raging
deep, and the howling wind, never intermitted till a-
bout midnight: at which time a message was brought
to me, that it might be needful to send a guard of sol-
diers to the beach, for that broken masts and tackle
had come in, and that surely some of the barks had
perished. I lost no time in obeying this suggestion,
which was made to me by one of the owners of the
LoupingMeg; and to show that I sincerely sympath-
ized with all those in affliction, I rose and dressed my-

180

THE WINDY YULE

sel f, and went down to the shore, where I directed sev-
eral old boats to be drawn up by the fires, and blan-
kets to be brought, and cordials prepared, for them
that might be spared with life to reach the land; and I
walked the beach with the mourners till the morning.

As the day dawned, the wind began to abate in its
violence, and to wearawayfrom the sou-west into the
norit,but it was soon discovered that some of the ves-
sels with thecorn had perished; for the first thingseen,
was a long fringe of tangle and grain along the line
of the highwater mark, and every one strained with
greedy and grieved eyes, as the daylight brightened,
to discover which had suffered. But I can proceed no
further with the dismal recital of that doleful morn-
ing. Let it suffice here to be known, that, through the
haze, we at last saw three of the vessels lying on their
beam-ends with their masts broken, and the waves
riding like the furious horses of destruction over them.
What hadbecome of the other two was never known;
but it was supposed that they had foundered at their
anchors, and that all on board perished.

The day being now Sabbath, and the whole town
idle, every body in a manner was down on the beach,
to help and mourn as the bodies, one after another,
were cast out by the waves. Alas! few were the better
of my provident preparation, and it was a thing not
to be described, to see, for more than a mile along the
coast, the new-made widows and fatherless bairns,
181

THE PROVOST

mourning and weeping over the corpses of those they
loved. Seventeen bodies were, before ten o'clock, car-
ried to the desolated dwelling of their families; and
when old Thomas Pull, the betheral, went to ring the
bell for public worship,such was the universal sorrow
of the town, that Nanse Donsie, an idiot natural, ran
up the street to stop him, crying, in the voice of a par-
donable desperation, "Wha, in sic a time,
can praise the Lord?"

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
THE SUBSCRIPTION

CHAPTER XXV THE SUBSCRIPTION

THE CALAMITY OF THE STORM OPENED

and disposed the hearts ofthe whole town to charity;
and it was a pleasure to behold the manner in which
the tide of sympathy flowed towards the sufferers.
Nobody went to the church in the forenoon;butwhen
I had returned home from the shore, several ofthe
council met at my house to confer anent the desola-
tion, and it was concerted among us, at my sugges-
tion, thatthere should be a meetingofthe inhabitants
called by the magistrates, for the next day, in order
to take the public compassion with the tear in the eye
— which was accordingly done by Mr Pittle himself
from the pulpit, with a few judicious words on the hea-
vy dispensation. And the number of folk that came
forward to subscribe was just wonderful. We got well
on to a hundred pounds in the first two hours, besides
many a bundle of old clothes. But one ofthe most re-
markable things in the business was done by Mr Ma-
candoe. He was, in his original, a lad ofthe place, who
had gone into Glasgow, where he was in a topping
line; and happening to be on a visit to his friends at
the time, he came to the meeting and put down his
name for twenty guineas, which he gave me in bank-
notes— a sum of such liberality as had never been
given to the town from one individual man, since the
mortification of fifty pounds that we got by the will
of Major Bravery that died in Cheltenham, in Eng-
land,after making his fortune in India. The sum total

THE PROVOST

of the subscription, when we got my lord's five-and-
twenty guineas, was better than two hundred pounds
sterling — for even several of the country gentlemen
were very generous contributors, and it is well known
that they are not inordinately charitable, especially
to town folks — but the distribution of it was no easy
task, for it required a discrimination of character as
well as of necessities. It was at first proposed to give
it over to the session. I knew, however, that, in their
hands, it would do no good; for Mr Pittle, the minis-
ter, was a vain sort of a body, and easy to be fleech-
ed, and the bold and the bardy with him would be
sure to come in for a better share than the meek and
the modest, who might be in greater want. So I set
myself to consider what was the best way of proceed-
ing; and truly upon reflection, there are few events in
my history that I look back upon with more satisfac-
tion than the part I performed in this matter; for, be-
fore going into any division of the money, I proposed
that we should allot it to three classes — those who
were destitute; those who had some help, but large
families; and those to whom a temporality would be
sufficient — and that we should make a visitation to
the houses of all the sufferers, in order to class them
under their proper heads aright. By this method, and
together with what I had done personally in the tem-
pest, I got great praise and laud from all reflecting
people; and it is not now to be told what a consola-

186

THE SUBSCRIPTION

tion was brought to many a sorrowful widow and or-
phan's heart, by the patience and temperance with
which the fund of liberality was distributed; yet be-
cause a small sum was reserved to help some of the
more helpless at another time, and the same was put
out to interest in the town's books, there were not
wanting evil-minded persons who went about whis-
pering calumnious innuendos to my disadvantage;
but I know, by this time, the nature of the world, and
howimpossible it is to reason with such a seven-head-
ed and ten-horned beast as the multitude. So I said
nothing; only I got the town-clerk's young man, who
acted as clerk to the committee of the subscription,
to make out a fair account of the distribution of the
money, and to what intent the residue had been plac-
ed in the town-treasurer's hand; and this I sent unto
a friend in Glasgow to get printed for me, the which
he did ; and when I got the copies, I directed one to
every individual subscriber, and sent the town-drum-
mer an end's errand with them, which was altogether
a proceeding of a method and exactness so by com-
mon, that it not only quenched the envy of spite ut-
terly out, but contributed more and more to give me
weight and authority with the community,until I had
the whole sway and mastery of the town.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
OF THE PUBLIC LAMPS

XXVI OF THE PUBLIC LAMPS

DEATH IS A GREAT REFORMER OF COR-
porate bodies, and we found, now and then, the bene-
fit of his helping hand in our royal burgh. From the
time of my being chosen into the council; and, in-
deed, for some years before, Mr Hirple had been a
member, but, from some secret and unexpressed
understanding among us,hewas never made a bailie;
for he was not liked; having none of that furthy and
jocose spirit so becoming in a magistrate of that de-
gree, and to which the gifts of gravity and formality
make but an unsubstantial substitute. He was, on the
contrary, a queer andquistical man,of a small stature
of body, with an outshot breast, the which, I am in-
clined to think, was one of the main causes of our
never promoting him into the ostensible magistracy;
besides, his temper was exceedingly brittle; and in
the debates anent the weightiest concerns of the
public, he was apt to puff and fiz, and go off with a
pluff of anger like a pioye; so that, for the space of
more than five-and-twenty years, we would have
been glad of his resignation; and, in the heat of argu-
ment, there was no lack of hints to that effect from
more than one of his friends, especially from Bailie
Picken, who was himself a sharp-tempered individ-
ual, and could as ill sit quiet under a contradiction
as any man I ever was conjunct with. But just before
the close of my second provostry, Providence was
kind to Mr Hirple, and removed him gently away
191

THE PROVOST

from the cares, and troubles, and the vain policy of
this contending world, into, as I hope and trust, a far
better place.

It may seem, hereafter, to the unlearned readers
among posterity, particularly to such of them as may
happen not to be versed in that state of things which
we were obligated to endure, very strange that I
should make this special mention of Mr Hirple at his
latter end, seeing and observing the small store and
account I have thus set upon his talents and person-
alities. But the verity of the reason is plainly this: we
never discovered his worth and value till we had lost
him, or rather, till we found the defect and gap that
his death caused, and the affliction that came in
through it upon us in the ill-advised selection of Mr
Hickery to fill his vacant place.

The spunky nature of Mr Hirple was certainly
very disagreeable often to most of the council, especi-
ally when there was any difference of opinion; but
then it was only a sort of flash, and at the vote he al-
ways, like a reasonable man, sided with the majority,
and never after attempted to rip up a decision when
it was once so settled. Mr Hickery was just the even
down reverse of this. He never, to be sure, ran him-
self into a passion, but then he continued to speak
and argue so long in reply, never heeding the most
rational things of his adversaries, that he was sure to
put every other person in a rage; in addition to all

192

OF THE PUBLIC LAMPS

which, he was likewise a sorrowful body in never
being able to understand how a determination by
vote ought to and did put an end to every question-
able proceeding; so that he was, for a constancy, ever
harping about the last subject discussed, as if it had
not been decided, until a new difference of opinion
arose, and necessitated him to change the burden
and o'ercome of his wearysome speeches.

It may seem remarkable that we should have
taken such a plague into the council, and be thought
that we were well served for our folly; but we were
unacquaint with the character of the man — for al-
though a native of the town, he was in truth a stran-
ger, having, at an early age, espoused his fortune, and
gone to Philadelphia in America; and no doubt his
argol-bargolous disposition was an inheritance ac-
cumulated with his other conquest ofwealth from the
mannerless Yankees. Coming home and settling
among us, with a power of money, (some said eleven
thousand pounds,) a short time before Mr Hirple de-
parted this life, we all thought, on that event happen-
ing, it would be a very proper compliment to take Mr
Hickery into the council, and accordingly we were
so misfortunate as to do so; but I trow we soon had
reason to repent our indiscretion, andnonemorethan
myself, who had first proposed him.

Mr Hickery having been chosen to supply the void
caused by the death of Mr Hirple, in the very first
193 N

THE PROVOST

sederunt of the council after his election, he kithed
in his true colours.

Among other things that I had contemplated for
the ornament and edification of the burgh, was the
placing up of lamps to light the streets, such as may
be seen in all well regulated cities and towns of any
degree. Having spoken of this patriotic project to
several of my colleagues, who all highly approved of
the same, I had no jealousy or suspicion that a design
so clearly and luminously useful would meet with
any other opposition than, may be, some doubt as to
the fiscal abilities of our income. To be sure Mr
Dribbles, who at that time kept the head inns, and
was in the council, said, with a wink, that it might be
found an inconvenience to sober folk that happened,
on an occasion nowand then, to be an hour later than
usual among their friends, either at his house or any
other, to be shown by the lamps to the profane popu-
lace as they were making the best of their way home;
and Mr Dippings, the candlemaker, with less public
spirit than might have been expected from one who
made such a penny by the illuminations on news of
victory, was of opinion that lamps would only en-
courage the commonality to keep late hours; and
that the gentry were in no need of any thing of the
sort, having their own handsome glass lanterns, with
two candles in them, garnished and adorned with
clippit paper; an equipage which he prophesied

194

OF THE PUBLIC LAMPS

would soon wear out of fashion when lamps were
once introduced, and the which prediction I have
lived to see verified; for certainly, now-a-days, ex-
cept when some elderly widow lady, or maiden gen-
tlewoman, wanting the help and protection of man,
happens to be out at her tea and supper, a tight and
snod serving lassie, with a three-cornered glass lan-
tern, is never seen on the causey. But, to return from
this digression; saving and excepting the remarks of
Mr Dribbles and Mr Dippings, and neither of them
could be considered as made in a sincere frame of
mind, I had no foretaste of any opposition. I was,
therefore, but ill prepared for the worrying argument
with which Mr Hickery seized upon the scheme, as-
serting and maintaining,amongother apparatus-like
reasoning, that in such a northern climate as that of
Scotland, and where the twilight was of such long
duration, it would be a profligate waste of the public
money to employ it on any thing so little required
as lamps were in our streets.

He had come home from America in the summer
time, and I reminded him, that it certainly could
never be the intention of the magistrates to light
the lamps all the year round; but that in the wint-
er there was a great need of them; for in our north-
ern climate the days were then very short, as he
would soon experience, and might probably re-
collect, But never, surely, was such an endless man
195

THE PROVOST

created. For, upon this, he immediately rejoined, that
the streets would be much more effectually lighted,
than by all the lamps I proposed to put up, were the
inhabitants ordered to sit with their window-shutters
open. I really did not know what answer to make to
such a proposal, but I saw it would never do to argue
with him; so I held my tongue quietly, and as soon
as possible, on a pretence of private business, left the
meeting, not a little mortified to find such a contrary
spirit had got in among us.

After that meeting of the council, I went cannily
round to all the other members, and represented to
them, one by one, how proper it was that the lamps
should be set up, both for a credit to the town, and
as a conformity to the fashion of the age in every
other place. And I took occasion to descant, at some
length, on the untractable nature of Mr Hickery,
and how it would be proper before the next meeting
to agree to say nothing when the matter was again
brought on the carpet, but just to come to the vote
at once. Accordingly this was done, but it made no
difference to Mr Hickery; on the contrary, he said, in
a vehement manner, that he was sure there must be
some corrupt understanding among us, otherwise a
matterof such importance couldnothavebeendecid-
edby a silent votejand at every session of the council,
till some newmatterof difference cast up, he continu-
ed cuckooing about the lamp-job, as he called it, till

he had sickened every body out of all patience.

196

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
THE PLAINSTONES

CHAPTER XXVII THE PLAINSTONES

THE FIRST QUESTION THAT CHANGED
the bark of Mr Hickery, was my proposal for the side
plainstones of the high street. In the new paving of
the crown of the causey, some years before, the rise
in the middle had been levelled to an equality with
the side loans, and in disposing of the lamp-posts, it
was thought advantageous to place them halfway
from the houses and the syvers, between the loans
and the crown of the causey, which had the effect at
night, of making the people who were wont, in their
travels and visitations, to keep the middle of the
street, to diverge into the space and path between
the lamp- posts and the houses. This, especially in wet
weather, was attended with some disadvantages; for
the pavement, close to the houses, was not well laid,
and there being then no ronns to the houses, at every
other place, particularly where the nepus-gables were
towards the streets, the rain came gushing in aspout,
like as if the windows of heaven were opened. And,
in consequence, it began to be freely conversed, that
there would be a great comfort in having the sides
of the streets paved with flags, like the plainstones
of Glasgow, and that an obligation should be laid on
the landlords, to put up ronns to kepp the rain, and
to conduct the water down in pipes by the sides of
the houses; — all which furnished Mr Hickery with
fresh topics for his fasherie about the lamps, and was,
as he said, proof and demonstration of that most im-
199

THE PROVOST

politic, corrupt, and short-sighted job, the conse-
quences of which would reach, in the shape of some
new tax, every ramification of society; — with divers
other American argumentatives to the same effect.
However, in process of time, by a judicious handling
and the help of an advantageous free grassum, which
we got for some of the town lands from Mr Shuttle-
thrift the manufacturer, who was desirous to build a
villa-house, we got the flagstone part of the project
accomplished, and the landlords gradually, of their
own free-will, put up the ronns, by which the town
has been greatly improved and convenienced.

But new occasions call for new laws; the side pave-
ment, concentrating the people, required to be kept
cleaner, and in better order, than when the whole
width of the street was in use; so that the magistrates
were constrained to make regulations concerning the
same, and to enact fines and penalties against those
who neglected to scrape and wash the plainstones
forenent their houses, and to denounce, in the strict-
est terms, the emptying of improper utensils on the
same; and this, until the people had grown into the
habitude of attending to the rules, gave rise to many
pleas, and contentious appeals and bickerings, before
the magistrates. Among others summoned before me
for default, was one Mrs Fenton, commonly called
the Tappit-hen, who kept a small change-house, not
of the best repute, being frequented by young men,

200

FLORA

THE PLAINSTONES

of a station of life that gave her heart and counten-
ance to be bardy, even to the bailies. It happened
that, by some inattention, she had, one frosty morn-
ing, neglected to soop her flags, and old Miss Peggy
Dainty being early afoot, in passing her door com-
mitted a false step, by treading on a bit of a lemon's
skin, and her heels flying up, down she fell on her
back, at full length, with a great cloyt. Mrs Fenton,
hearing the accident, came running to the door, and
seeing the exposure that perjink Miss Peggy had
madeof herself,put her hands to her sides, and laugh-
ed for some time as if she was by herself. Miss Peggy,
being sorely hurt in the hinder parts,summoned Mrs
Fenton before me, where the whole affair, both as to
what was seen and heard, was so described, with
name and surname, that I could not keep my com-
posure. It was, however, made manifest, that Mrs
Fenton had offended the law, in so much, as her flags
had not been swept that morning; and therefore, to
appease the offended delicacy of Miss Peggy, who
was a most respectable lady in single life, I fined the
delinquent five shillings.

"Mr Pawkie," said the latheron, "I'll no pay't.
Whar do ye expeck a widow woman like me can get
five shillings for ony sic nonsense?"

"Ye must not speak in that manner, honest wo-
man," was my reply; "but just pay the fine."

"In deed and truth, Mr Pawkie," quo she, "it's ill
20 1

THE PROVOST

getting a breek off a highlandman. I'll pay no sic
thing — five shillings — that's a story!"

I thought I would have been constrained to send
her to prison, the woman grew so bold and contu-
macious, when Mr Hickery came in, and hearing
what was going forward, was evidently working him-
self up to take the randy's part; but fortunately she
had a suspicion that all the town-council and magis-
trates were in league against her, on account of the
repute of her house, so that when he enquired of her
where she lived, with a view, as I suspect, of inter-
ceding, she turned to him, and with a leer and a laugh,
said, "Dear me, Mr Hickery, I'm sure ye hae nae
need to speer that!"

The insinuation set up his birses; but she bam-
boozled him with her banter, and raised such a laugh
against him, that he was fairly driven from the coun-
cil room, and I was myself obliged to let her go,
without exacting the fine.

Who would have thought that this affair was to
prove to me the means of an easy riddance of Mr
Hickery? But so it turned out; for whether or not
there was any foundation for the traffickings with
him which she pretended, he never could abide to
hear the story alluded to, which, when I discerned,
I took care, whenever he showed any sort of inclin-
ation to molest the council with his propugnacity, to
joke him about his bonny sweetheart, "the Tappit-

2O2

THE PLAINSTONES

hen," and he instantly sangdumb,andquietly slipped

away; by which it may be seen how curiously events

come to pass, since, out of the very first cause of his

thwarting me in the lamps, I found, inprocessof time,

a way of silencing him far better than any sort

of truth or reason.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
THE SECOND CROP OF VOLUNTEERS

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

THE SECOND CROP OF VOLUNTEERS

I HAVE ALREADY RELATED, AT FULL

length, many of the particulars anent the electing of
the first set of volunteers; the which, by being ger-
minated partly under the old system of public intro-
mission, was done with more management and slight
of art than the second. This, however, I will ever
maintain, was not owing to any greater spirit of cor-
ruption; but only and solely to following the ancient
dexterous ways, that had been, in a manner, engrained
with the very nature of every thing pertaining to the
representation of government as it existed, not merely
in burgh towns, but wheresoever the crown and mini-
sters found it expedient to have their lion's paw.

Matters were brought to a bearing differently,
when, in the second edition of the late war, it was
thought necessary to call on the people to resist the
rampageous ambition of Bonaparte, then champing
and trampling for the rich pastures of our national
commonwealth. Accordingly, I kept myself aloof
from all handling in the pecuniaries of the business;
but I lent a friendly countenance to every feasible
project that was likely to strengthen the confidence
of the king in the loyalty and bravery of his people.
For by this time I had learnt, that there was a wake-
rife common sense abroad among the opinions of
men; and that the secret of the new way of ruling the
world was to follow, not to control, the evident dic-
207

THE PROVOST

tates of the popular voice; and I soon had reason to
felicitate myself on this prudent and seasonable dis-
covery. For it won me great reverence among the for-
ward young men, who started up at the call of their
country; and their demeanour towards me was as to-
kens and arles, from the rising generation, of being
continued in respect and authority by them. Some of
my colleagues, who are as well not named,by making
themselves over busy, got but small thank for their
pains. I was even preferred to the provost, as the me-
dium of communicating the sentiments of the volun-
teering lads to the lord-lieutenant; and their cause
did not suffer in my hands, for his lordship had long
been in the habit of considering me as one of the dis-
creetest men in the burgh; and although he returned
very civil answers to all letters, he wrote to me in the
cordial erudition of an old friend — a thing which the
volunteers soon discerned, and respected me accord-
ingly.

But the soldiering zeal being spontaneous among
all ranks,and breaking forth into a blaze without any
pre-ordered method, some of the magistrates were
disconcerted, and wist not what to do. I'll no take it
upon me to say that they were altogether guided by
a desire to have a ringer in the pie, either in the shape
of the honours of command or the profits of contract.
This,however, is certain, that they either felt or feign-
ed a great alarm and consternation at seeing such a

208

THE SECOND CROP OF VOLUNTEERS

vast military power in civil hands, over which they
had no natural control; and, as was said, independent
of the crown and parliament. Another thing there
could be no doubt of: in the frame of this fear they re-
monstrated with the government, and counselled the
ministers to throw a wet blanket on the ardour of the
volunteering, which, it is well known, was very readi-
ly done; for the ministers, on seeing such a pressing
forward to join the banners of the kingdom, had a
dread and regard to the old leaven of Jacobinism,
and put a limitation on the number of the armedmen
thatwere to be allowed to rise in everyplace — a most
ill-advised prudence, as was made manifest by what
happened among us, of which I will now rehearse the
particulars, and the part I had in it myself.

As soon as it was understood among the common-
ality that the French were determined to subdue and
make a conquest of Britain, as they had done of all
the rest of Europe, holding the noses of every conti-
nental king and potentate to the grindstone, there
was aprodigious stir and motion in all the hearts and
pulses of Scotland, and no where in a more vehement
degree thaninGudetown. But, for some reason or an
other which I could never dive into the bottom of,
there was a slackness or backwardness on the part of
government in sending instructions to the magis-
trates to step forward; in so much that the people
grew terrified that they would be conquered, without
209 O

THE PROVOST

having even an opportunity to defend, as their fathers
did of old, the hallowed things of their native land;
and,under the sense of this alarm.they knotted them-
selves together, and actually drew out proposals and
resolutions of service of their own accord; by which
means they kept the power of choosing their officers
in their own hands, and so gave many of the big-wigs
of the town a tacit intimation that they were not
likely to have the command.

While things were in this process, the government
had come to its senses; and some steps and measures
were taken to organize volunteer corps throughout
the nation. Taking heart from them, other corps were
proposed on the part of the gentry, in which they
were themselves to have the command; and seeing
that the numbers were to be limited, they had a wish
and interest to keep back the real volunteer offers,
and to get their own accepted in their stead. A sus-
picion of this sort getting vent, an outcry of discon-
tent thereat arose against them; and to the constern-
ation of the magistrates, the young lads, who had at
the first come so briskly forward, called a meeting of
their body, and, requesting the magistrates to be
present, demanded to know what steps had been
taken with their offer of service; and, if transmitted
to government, what answer had been received.

This was a new era in public affairs; and no little
amazement and anger was expressed by some of the

210

THE SECOND CROP OF VOLUNTEERS

town-council, that any set of persons should dare to
question and interfere with the magistrates. But I
saw it would never do to take the bull by the horns in
that manner at such a time; so I commenced with
Bailie Sprose,my lord being at the time provost, and
earnestly beseeched him to attend the meeting with
me, and to give a mild answer to any questions that
might be put; and this was the more necessary, as
there was some good reason to believe, that, in point
of fact, the offer of service had been kept back.

We accordingly went to the meeting, where Mr
Sprose, at my suggestion, stated, that we had received
no answer; and that we could not explain how the
delay had arisen. This, however, did not pacify the
volunteers; but they appointed certain of their own
number, a committee, to attend to the business, and
to communicate with the secretary of state direct; in-
timating, that the members of the committee were
those whom they intended to elect for their officers.
This was a decisive step, and took the business en-
tirely out of the hands of the magistrates; so,afterthe
meeting, both Mr Sprose and myself agreed, that no
time should be lost in communicating to the lord-
lieutenant what had taken place.

Our letter, and the volunteers' letter, went by the
same post; and on receiving ours, the lord-lieutenant
had immediately some conference with the secretary
of state, who, falling into the views of his lordship, in

211

THE PROVOST

preferring the offers of the corps proposed by the
gentry, sent the volunteers word in reply, that their
services, on the terms they had proposed, which were
of the least possible expense to government, could
not be accepted.

Itwas hoped that this answer would have ended the
matter; but there were certain propugnacious spirits
inthevolunteers'committee; and they urged and per-
suaded the others to come into resolutions, to the
effect that, having made early offers of service, on
terms less objectionable in every point than those of
many offers subsequently made and accepted, unless
their offer was accepted, they would consider them-
selves as having the authority of his majesty's gov-
ernment to believe and to represent, that there was,
in truth, no reason to apprehend that theenemy medi-
tated any invasion; and these resolutions they sent
off to London forthwith, before the magistrates had
time to hear or to remonstrate against the use of
such novel language from our burgh to his majesty's
ministers.

We, however, heard something; and I wrote my
lord, to inform him that the volunteers had renewed
their offer, (for so we understood their representation
was;) and he, from what he had heard before from the
secretary of state, not expecting the effect it would
have, answered me, that their offer could not be ac-
cepted. But to our astonishment, by the same post,

212

THE SECOND CROP OF VOLUNTEERS

the volunteers found themselves accepted, and the
gentlemen they recommended for their officers gazet-
ted; the which, as I tell frankly, was an admonition
to me, that the peremptory will of authority was no
longer sufficient for the rule of mankind; and, there-
fore, I squared my after conduct more bya deference
to public opinion,than byanylaid down maxims and
principles of my own; the consequence of which was,
that my influence still continued to grow and gather
strength in the community, and I was enabled to ac-
complish many things that my predecessors would
have thought it was almost beyond the compass of
man to undertake.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CAPTAIN ARMOUR

CHAPTER XXIX CAPTAIN ARMOUR

IN THE COURSE OF THESE NOTANDUMS,

I have, here and there, touched on divers matters that
did not actually pertain to my own magisterial life,
further than as showing the temper and spirit in which
different things were brought to a bearing; and, in
the same way, I will now again step aside from the
regular course of public affairs, to record an occur-
rence which, at the time, excited no small wonder-
ment and sympathy, and in which it was confessed
by many that I performed a very judicious part. The
event here spoken of, was the quartering in the town,
after the removal of that well-behaved regiment, the
Argyle fencibles, the main part of another, the name
and number of which I do not now recollect; but it
was an English corps, and, like the other troops of
that nation, was not then brought into the sobriety
of discipline to which the whole British army has since
been reduced, by the paternal perseverance of his
Royal Highness the Duke of York; so that, after the
douce and respectful Highlanders, we sorely felt the
consequences of the outstropolous and galravitching
Englishers, who thought it no disgrace to fill them-
selves as fou as pipers, and fight in the streets, and
march to the church on the Lord's day with their
band of music. However, after the first Sunday, upon
a remonstrance on the immorality of such irreligious
bravery, Colonel Cavendish, the commandant, sil-
enced the musicians.
217

THE PROVOST

Among the officers, there was one Captain Armour,
an extraordinar well demeaned, handsome man, who
was very shy of accepting any civility from the town
gentry, and kept himself aloof from all our ploys and
entertainments, in such a manner, that the rest of the
officers talked of him, marvelling at the cause, for it
was not his wont in other places.

One Sabbath, during the remembering prayer, Mr
Pittle put up a few words for criminals under sen-
tence of death, there being two at the time in the Ayr
jail, at the which petition I happened to look at Cap-
tain Armour, who, with the lave of the officers, were
within the magistrates' loft, and I thought he had, at
the moment, a likeness to poor Jeanie Gaisling, that
was executed for the murder of her bastard bairn.

This notion at the time disturbed me very much,
and one thought after another so came into my head,
that I could pay no attention to Mr Pittle, who cer-
tainly was but a cauldrife preacher, and never more
so than on that day. In short, I was haunted with the
fancy, that Captain Armour was no other than the
misfortunate lassie's poor brother, who had in so
pathetical a manner attended her and the magistrates
to the scaffold; and, what was very strange, I was not
the only one in the kirk who thought the same thing;
for the resemblance, while Mr Pittle was praying,
had been observed by many; and it was the subject
of discourse in my shop on the Monday following,

218

CAPTAIN ARMOUR

when the whole history of that most sorrowful con-
cern was again brought to mind. But, without dwell-
ingatlargeontheparticularities, I need only mention,
that it began to be publicly jealoused that he was in-
deed the identical lad, which moved every body; for
he was a very good and gallant officer, having risen
by his own merits, and was likewise much beloved in
the regiment. Nevertheless, though his sister's sin
was no fault of his, and could not impair the worth
of his well-earned character, yet some of the thought-
less young ensigns began to draw off from him, and
he was visited, in a manner, with the disgrace of an
excommunication.

Being, however, a sensible man, he bore it for a
while patiently, may be hoping that the suspicion
would wear away; but my lord, with all his retinue*
coming from London to the castle for the summer,
invited the officers one day to dine with him and the
countess, when the fact was established by a very
simple accident.

Captain Armour, in going up the stairs, and along
the crooked old passages of the castle, happened to
notice that the colonel, who was in the van, turned
to the wrong hand, and called to him to take the
other way, which circumstance convinced all present
that he was domestically familiar with the laby-
rinths of the building; and the consequence was,
that, during dinner, not one of the officers spoke
219

THE PROVOST

to him, some from embarrassment and others from
pride.

The earl perceiving their demeanour, enquired of
the colonel, when they had returned from the table to
the drawing-room, as to the cause of such a visible
alienation, and Colonel Cavendish, who was much of
the gentleman, explaining it,expressinghis grief that
so unpleasant a discovery had been made to the pre-
judice of so worthy a man, my lord was observed to
stand some time in a thoughtful posture, after which
he went and spoke in a whisper to the countess, who
advised him, as her ladyship in the sequel told me
herself, to send for me, as a wary and prudent man.
Accordingly a servant was secretly dispatched ex-
press to the town on that errand; my lord and my
lady insisting on the officers staying to spend the
evening with them, which was an unusual civility at
the pio forma dinners at the castle.

When I arrived, the earl took me into his private
library, and we had some serious conversation about
the captain's sister; and, when I had related the cir-
cumstantialities of her end to him,he sent forthe cap-
tain, and with great tenderness, and a manner most
kind and gracious, told him what he had noticed in
the conduct of the officers, offering his mediation to
appease any difference, if it was a thing that could be
done.

While my lord was speaking, the captain preserv-

220

CAPTAIN ARMOUR

ed a steady and unmoved countenance: no one could
have imagined that he was listening to any thing but
some grave generality of discourse; but when the earl
offered to mediate, his breast swelled, and his face
grew like his coat, and I saw his eyes fill with water
as he turned round, to hide the grief that could not
be stifled. The passion of shame, however, lasted but
for a moment. In less time than I am in writing these
heads, he was again himself, and with a modest forti-
tude that was exceedingly comely, he acknowledged
who he was, adding, that he feared his blameless dis-
grace entailed effects which he could not hope to re-
move, and therefore it was his intention to resign his
commission. The earl, however, requested that he
would do nothing rashly, and that he should first al-
low him to try what could be done to convince his
brother officers that it was unworthy of them to act
towards him in the way they did. His lordship then
led us to the drawing-room, on entering which, he
said aloud to thecountess, in a manner that could not
be misunderstood, "In Captain Armour I have dis-
covered an old acquaintance, who by his own merits,
and under circumstances that would have sunk any
man less conscious of his own purity and worth, has
raised himself, from having once been my servant, to
a rank that makes me happy to receive him as my
guest."

I need not add, that this benevolence of his lord-

221

THE PROVOST

ship was followed with a most bountiful alteration
towards the captain from all present, in so much that,
before the regiment was removed from the town, we
had the satisfaction of seeing him at divers of the
town-ploys, where he received every civility.

CHAPTER THIRTY
THE TRADES' BALL

CHAPTER XXX THE TRADES' BALL

AT THE CONCLUSION OF MY SECOND
provostry, or rather, as I think, after it was over, an
accident happened in the town that might have led
to no little trouble and contention but for the way
and manner that I managed the same. My friend and
neighbour, Mr Kilsyth, an ettling man, who had been
wonderful prosperous in the spirit line, having been
taken on for a bailie, by virtue of some able handling
on the part of Deacon Kenitweel, proposed and pro-
pounded, that there should be a ball and supper for
the trades; and to testify his sense of the honour that
he owed to all the crafts, especially the wrights,
whereof Mr Kenitweel was then deacon, he promised
to send in both wine, rum, and brandy, from his cellar,
for the company. I did not much approve of the pro-
ject, for divers reasons; the principal of which was,
because mydaughters were grown into young ladies,
and I was, thank God, in a circumstance to entitle
them to hold their heads something above the trades.
However, I could not positively refuse my compli-
ance, especially as Mrs Pavvkie was requested by
Bailie Kilsyth, and those who took an active part in
furtherance of the ploy, to be the lady directress of
the occasion. And, out of an honour and homage to
myself, I was likewise entreated to preside at the
head of the table, over the supper that was to ensue
after the dancing.

In its own nature, there was surely nothing of an
225 ?

THE PROVOST

objectionable principle, in a "trades' ball;" but we
had several young men of the gentle sort about the
town, blythe and rattling lads, who were welcome
both to high and low, and to whom the project seem-
ed worthy of a ridicule. It would,as I said at the time,
have been just as well to have made it really a trades'
ball, without any adulteration of the gentry; but the
hempies alluded tojouked themselves in upon us, and
obligated the managers to invite them; and an ill re-
turn they made for this discretion and civility, as I
have to relate.

On the nightset for the occasion, the company met
in the assembly-room, in the New-inns, where we had
bespoke a light genteel supper, and had M'Lachlan,
the fiddler, over from Ayr, for the purpose. Nothing
could be better while the dancing lasted; the whole
concern wore an appearance of the greatest genteeli-
ty. But when supper was announced, and the com-
pany adjourned to partake of it, judge of the univer-
sal consternation that was visible in every counten-
ance, when, instead of the light tarts, and nice jellies
and sillybobs that were expected, we beheld a long
table, with a row down the middle of rounds of beef,
large cold veal-pies on pewter plates like tea-trays,
cold boiled turkeys, and beef and bacon hams, and,
for ornament in the middle, a perfect stack of celery.

The instant I entered the supper-room, I sawthere
had been a plot: poor Bailie Kilsyth, who had all the

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THE TRADES' BALL

night been in triumph and glory, was for a season
speechless; and when at last he came to himself, he
was like to have been the death of the landlord on the
spot; while I could remark, with the tail of my eye,
that secret looks of a queer satisfaction were ex-
changed among the beaux before mentioned. This
observe, when I made it, led me to go up to the bailie
as hewasstormingat the bribed and corruptinnkeep-
er, and to say to him, that if he would leave the mat-
ter to me, I would settle it to the content of all pre-
sent; which he, slackening the grip he had taken
of the landlord by the throat, instantly conceded.
Whereupon,! went back to the head of the table,and
said aloud, "that the cold collection had been provid-
ed by some secret friends, and although it was not
just what the directors could have wished, yet it
would be as well to bring to mind the old proverb,
which instructs us no to be particular about the
mouth of a gi'en horse." But I added, "before partak-
ingthereof,wel'llhae in our bill frae the landlord, and
settle it," — and it was called accordingly. I could dis-
cern, that this was a turn that the conspirators did
not look for. It, however, put the company a thought
into spirits, and they made the best o't. But, while
they were busy at the table, I took a canny oppor-
tunity of saying, under the rose to one of the gentle-
men, "that 1 saw through the joke, and could relish
it just as well as the plotters; but as the thing was so
227

THE PROVOST

plainly felt as an insult by the generality of the com-
pany, the less that was said about it the better; and
that if the whole bill, including the cost of Bailie
Kilsyth's wine and spirits, was defrayed, I would
make no enquiries, and the authors might never be
known. This admonishment was not lost, for by-and-
by, I saw the gentleman confabbing together; and the
next morning, through the post, I received a twenty-
pound note in a nameless letter, requesting the a-
mount of it to be placed against the expense of the
ball. I was overly well satisfied with this to say a
great deal of what I thought, but I took a quiet step
to the bank, where, expressing some doubt of the
goodness of the note, I was informed it was perfectly
good, and had been that very day issued from the
bankto one of the gentlemen, whom, even at thisday,
it would not be prudent to expose to danger by
naming.

Upon a consultation with the other gentlemen,
who had the management of the ball, it was agreed,
that we should say nothing of the gift of twenty
pounds, but distribute it in the winter to needful fa-
milies, which was done; for we feared that the authors
of the derision would be found out, and that ill-blood
might be bred in the town.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
THE BAILIE'S HEAD

CHAPTER XXXI THE BAILIE'S HEAD

BUT ALTHOUGH IN THE MAIN I WAS CON-

sidered by the events and transactions already re-
hearsed, a prudent and sagacious man, yet I was not
free from the consequences of envy. To be sure, they
were not manifested in any very intolerant spirit, and
in so far they caused me rather molestation of mind
than actual suffering; but still they kithed in evil, and
thereby marred the full satisfactory fruition of my
labours and devices. Among other of the outbreak-
ings alluded to that not a little vexed me, was one
that I will relate, and just in order here to show the
animus of men's minds towards me.

We had in the town a clever lad, with a geni of a
mechanical turn, who made punch-bowls of leather,
and legs for cripples of the same commodity, that
were lighter and easier to wear than either legs of
cork or timber. His name was Geordie Sooplejoint,
a modest, douce, and well-behaved young man — car-
ing for little else but the perfecting of his art. I had
heard of his talent, and was curious to converse with
him; so I spoke to Bailie Pirlet, who had taken him
by the hand, to bringhim andhis leather punch-bowl,
and some of his curious legs and arms, to let me see
them; the which the bailie did, and it happened that
while they were with me, in came Mr Thomas
M'Queerie, a dry neighbour at a joke.

After some generality of discourse concerning the
inventions, whereon Bailie Pirlet, who was naturally

231

THE PROVOST

a gabby prick-me-dainty body, enlarged at great
length, with all his well dockit words, as if they were
on chandler's pins, pointing out here the utility of the
legs to persons maimed in the wars of their country,
and showing forth there in what manner the punch-
bowls were specimens of a new art that might in time
supplant both China and Staffordshire ware, and de-
ducing therefrom the benefits that would come out of
it to the country at large, and especially to the landed
interest, in so much as the increased demand which
it would cause for leather, would raise the value of
hides, and per consequence the price of black cattle
— to all which Mr M'Queerie listened with a shrewd
and a thirsty ear; and when the bailie had made an end
of his paternoster, he proposed that I should make a
filling of Geordie's bowl, to try if it did not leak.

"Indeed, Mr Pawkie," quo' he, "it will be a great
credit to our town to hae had the merit o' producing
sic a clever lad, who, as the bailie has in a manner de-
monstrated, is ordained to bring about an augment-
ation o' trade byhis punch-bowls,little short of what
has been done wi' the steam-engines. Geordie will be
to us what James Watt is to the ettling town of Gree-
nook, so we can do no less than drink prosperity to
his endeavours."

I did not muchlike this banteringof Mr M'Queerie,
for I saw it made Geordie's face grow red, and it was
not what he had deserved; so to repress it, and to en-

232

THE BAILIE'S HEAD

courage the poor lad, I said, "Come, come, neigh-
bour, none of your wipes — what Geordie has done, is
but arles of what he may do."

"That's no to be debated," replied Mr M'Queerie,
"for he has shown already that he can make very
good legs and arms; and I'm sure I shouldna be sur-
prised were he in time to make heads as good as a
bailie's."

I never saw any mortal man look as that pernick-
ity personage, the bailie, did at this joke, but I sup-
pressed my own feelings; while the bailie, like a ban-
tam cock in a passion, stotted out of his chair with the
spunk of a birslet pea, demanding of Mr M'Queerie
an explanation of what he meant by the insinuation.
Itwaswithgreatdifficultythatl got him pacified;but
unfortunately the joke was oure good to be forgotten,
and when it was afterwards spread abroad, as it hap-
pened to take its birth in my house, it was laid to my
charge, and many a time was I obligated to tell all a-
bout it, and how it couldna be meant for me, but had
been incurred by Bailie Pirlet's conceit of spinning
out long perjink speeches.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
THE TOWN DRUMMER

XXXII THE TOWN DRUMMER

NOR DID I GET EVERY THING MY OWN
way, for I was often thwarted in matters of small ac-
count, and suffered from them greater disturbance
and molestation than things of such little moment
ought to have been allowed to produce within me;
and I do not think that any thing happened in the
whole course of my public life, which gave me more
vexation than what I felt in the last week of my sec-
ond provostry.

For many a year, one Robin Boss had been town
drummer; he was a relic of some American-war fen-
cibles, and was, to say the God's truth of him, a divor
body, with no manner of conduct, saving a very ear-
nest endeavour to fill himself fou as often as he could
get the means; the consequence of which was, that his
face was as plooky as a curran' bun, and his nose as
red as a partan's tae.

One afternoon there was a need to send out a pro-
clamation to abolish a practice that was growing into
a custom, in some of the bye parts of the town, of
keeping swine at large — ordering them to be confin-
ed in proper styes, and other suitable places. As on
all occasions when the matter to be proclaimed was
from the magistrates, Thomas, on this, was attend-
ed by the town-officers in their Sunday garbs, and
with their halberts in their hands; but the abomin-
able and irreverent creature was so drunk, that he
wamblet to and fro over the drum, as if there had not
237

THE PROVOST

been a bane in his body. He was seemingly as soople
and as senseless as a bolster. — Still, as this was no
new thing with him, it might have passed; for James
Hound, the senior officer, was in the practice, when
Robin was in that state, of reading the proclamations
himself. — On this occasion, however, James happen-
ed to be absent on some hue and cry quest, and an-
other of the officers (I forget which) was appointed to
perform for him. Robin, accustomed to James, no
sooner heard the other man begin to read, than he
began to curse and swear at him as an incapable nin-
compoop— an impertinent term that he was much
addicted to. The grammar school was at the time
skailing, and the boys seeing the stramash, gathered
round the officer, and yellingand shouting, encourag-
ed Robin more and more into rebellion, till at last
they worked up his corruption to such a pitch, that
he took the drum from about his neck, and made
it fly like a bombshell at the officer's head.

The officers behaved very well, for they dragged
Robin by the lug and the horn to the tolbooth, and
then came with their complaint to me. Seeing how
the authorities had been set at nought, and the ne-
cessity there was of making an example, I forthwith
ordered Robin to be cashiered from the service of
the town; and as so important a concern as a procla-
mation ought not to be delayed, I likewise, upon the
spot, ordered the officers to take a lad that had been

238

THE TOWN DRUMMER

also a drummer in a marching regiment, and go with
him to make the proclamation.

Nothing could be done in a more earnest and zeal-
ous public spirit than this was done by me. But habit
had begot in the town a partiality for the drunken
ne'er-do-well, Robin; and this just act of mine was
immediately condemned as a daring stretch of arbit-
rary power; and the consequence was, that when the
council met next day, some sharp words flew from a-
mong us, as to my usurping an undue authority; and
the thank I got for my pains was the mortification to
see the worthless body restored to full power and dig-
nity, with no other reward than an admonition to be-
have better for the future. Now, I leave it to the un-
biassed judgment of posterity to determine if any
public man could be more ungraciously treated by
his colleagues than I was on this occasion. But, verily,
the council had their reward.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
AN ALARM

CHAPTER XXXIII AN ALARM

THE DIVOR, ROBIN BOSS, BEING, AS I
have recorded, reinstated in office,soon began to play
his old tricks. In the course of the week after the
Michaelmas term at which my second provostry end-
ed, he was so insupportably drunk that he fell head
foremost into his drum, which cost the townfive-and-
twenty shillings for a new one — an accident that was
not without some satisfaction to me; and I trow I was
not sparing in my derisive commendations on the
worth of such a public officer. Nevertheless, he was
still kept on, some befriending him for compassion,
and others as it were to spite me.

But Robin's good behaviourdid not end with break-
ing the drum, and costing a new one. — In the course
of the winter it was his custom to beat, " Go to bed,
Tom," about ten o'clock at night, and the reveille at
five in the morning. — In one of his drunken fits he
made a mistake, and instead of going his rounds as
usual at ten o'clock, he had fallen asleep in a change
house, and waking about the midnight hour in the
terror of some whisky dream, he seized his drum, and
running into the streets, began to strike the fire-beat
in the most awful manner.

It was a fine clear frosty moonlight, and the hollow
sound of the drum resounded through thesilent streets
like thunder. — In a moment every body was a-foot,
and the cry of " Whar is't? whar's the fire? "was heard
echoing from all sides. — Robin, quite unconscious
243

THE PROVOST

that he alone was the cause of the alarm, still went
along beating the dreadful summons. I heard the
noise and rose; but while I was drawing on my stock-
ings, in the chair at the bed-head, and telling Mrs
Pawkie to compose herself, for our houses were all
insured, I suddenly recollected that Robin had the
night before neglected to go his rounds at ten o'clock
as usual, and the thought came into my head that
the alarm might be one of his inebriated mistakes;
so, instead of dressing myself any further, I went to
the window, and looked out through the glass, with-
out opening it, for, being in my night clothes, I was
afraid of taking cold.

The street was as throng as on a market day, and
every face in the moonlight was pale with fear. — Men
and lads were running with their coats, and carrying
their breeches in their hands; wives and maidens were
all asking questions at one another, and even lasses
were fleeing to and fro, like water nymphs with urns,
having stoups and pails in their hands. — There was
swearing and tearing of men, hoarse with the rage of
impatience,atthetolbooth, getting out the fire-engine
from its stance under the stair; and loud and terrible
afar off, and over all, came the peal of alarm from
drunken Robin's drum.

I could scarcely keep my composity when I beheld
and heard all this, for I was soon thoroughly per-
suaded of the fact. At last I saw Deacon Girdwood,

244

AN ALARM

the chief advocate and champion of Robin, passing
down the causey like a demented man, with a red
nightcap, and his big-coat on — for some had cried
that the fire was in his yard. — "Deacon,"cried I, open-
ing the window, forgetting in the jocularity of the
moment the risk I ran from being so naked, "whar
away sae fast, deacon?"

The deacon stopped and said, "Is't out? is't out?"

"Gang your ways home," quo' I very coolly, "for I
hae a notion that a' this hobleshow's but the fume of
a gill in your friend Robin's head."

"It's no possible!" exclaimed the deacon.

"Possible here or possible there, Mr Gird wood,"
quo' I, "it'soure cauld for me to stand talking wij you
here; we'll learn the rights o't in the morning; so,
good-night; " and with that I pulled down the window.
But scarcely had I done so, when a shout of laughter
came gathering up the street, and soon after poor
drunken Robin was brought along by the cuff of the
neck, between two of the town-officers, one of them
carrying his drum. The next day he was put out of
office for ever, and folk recollecting in what manner
I had acted towards him before, the outcry about my
arbitrary power was forgotten in the blame that was
heaped upon those who had espoused Robin's cause
against me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
THE COUNTRY GENTRY

XXXIV THE COUNTRY GENTRY

FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, I HAD OB-
served that there was a gradual mixing in of the
country gentry among the town's folks. This was
partly to be ascribed to a necessity rising out of the
French Revolution, whereby men of substance
thought it an expedient policy to relax in their
ancient maxims of family pride and consequence;
and partly to the great increase and growth of wealth
which the influxof trade caused throughout the king-
dom, whereby the merchants were enabled to vie and
ostentate even with the better sort of lairds. The
effect of this, however, was less protuberant in our
town than in many others which I might well name,
and the cause thereof lay mainly in our being more
given to deal in the small way; not that we lacked of
traders possessed both of purse and perseverance;
but we did not exactly lie in the thoroughfare of
those mighty masses of foreign commodities, the
throughgoing of which left, to use the words of the
old proverb, "goud in goupins" with all who had the
handling of the same. Nevertheless, we came in for
ourshareof the condescensionsofthecountry gentry;
and although there was nothing like a melting down
of them among us, either by marrying or giving in
marriage, there was a communion that gave us some
insight, no overly to their advantage, as to the extent
and measure of their capacities and talents. In short,
we discovered that they were vessels made of ordin-
249

THE PROVOST

ary human clay; so that, instead of our reverence for
them being augmented by a freer intercourse, we
thought less and less of them, until, poor bodies, the
bit prideful lairdies were just looked down upon by
our gawsie big-bellied burgesses, not a few of whom
had heritable bonds on their estates. But in this I am
speaking of the change when it had come to a full
head; for in verity it must be allowed that when the
country gentry, with their families,began to intromit
among us, we could not make enough of them. In-
deed,wewere deaved about the affability of old crab-
bit Bodle of Bodletonbrae, and his sister, Miss Jenny,
when they favoured us with their company at the first
inspection ball. I'll ne'er forgot that occasion; for
being then in my second provostry, I had, in course
of nature, been appointed a deputy lord-lieutenant,
and the town-council entertaining the inspecting
officers, and the officers of the volunteers, it fell as a
duty incumbent on me to be the director of the ball
afterwards, and to the which I sent an invitation to
the laird and his sister,little hopingorexpectingthey
would come. But the laird, likewise being a deputy
lord-lieutenant, he accepted the invitation, and came
with his sister in all the state of pedigree in their
power. Such a prodigy of old-fashioned grandeur as
Miss Jenny was! — but neither shop nor mantuamaker
of our day and generation had been the better o't.
She was just, as some of the young lasses said, like

250

THE COUNTRY GENTRY

Clarissa Harlowe, in the cuts and copperplates of
Mrs Rickerton's set of the book, and an older and
more curious set than Mrs Rickerton's was not in the
whole town; indeed, for that matter, I believe it was
the only one among us, and it had edified, as Mr
Binder the bookseller used to say, at least three suc-
cessive generations of young ladies, for he had him-
self given it twice new covers. We had, however, not
then any circulating library. But for all her antiquity
and lappets,it is not to be supposed what respect and
deference Miss Jenny and her brother, the laird, re-
ceived— nor the small praise that came to my share,
for having had the spirit to invite them. The ball was
spoken of as the genteelest in the memory of man,
although to my certain knowledge, on account of the
volunteers, some were there that never thought to
mess or mell in the same chamber withBodletonbrae
and his sister, Miss Jenny.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
TESTS OF SUCCESS

CHAPTER XXXV TESTS OF SUCCESS

INTENDING THESE NOTATIONS FOR

the instruction of posterity, it would not be altogether
becomingofme to speak of thedomestic effectswhich
manyof thethings that I have herein jotted down had
in my own family. I feel myself, however, constrained
in spirit to lift aside a small bit of the private curtain,
just to show how Mrs Pawkie comported herself in
the progressive vicissitudes of our prosperity, in the
act and doing of which I do not wish to throw any
slight on her feminine qualities; for, to speak of her
as she deserves at my hand, she has been a most ex-
cellent wife, and a decent woman, and had aye a ruth
and ready hand for the needful. Still, to say the truth,
she is not without a few little weaknesses like her
neighbours, and the ill-less vanity of being thought far
ben with the great is among others of her harmless
frailities.

Soon after the inspection ball before spoken of, she
said to me that it would be a great benefit and advan-
tage to our family if we could get Bodletonbrae and
his sister, and some of the other country gentry, to
dine with us. I was notveryclear about howthe bene-
fit was to come to book, for the outlay I thought as
likely o'ergang the profit; at the same time, not wish-
ing to baulk Mrs Pawkie of a ploy on which I saw her
mind was bent, I gave my consent to her and my
daughters to send out the cards, and make the neces-
sary preparations. But herein I should not take ere-
255

THE PROVOST

dit to myself for more of the virtue of humility than
was my due; therefore I open the door of my secret
heart so far ajee,as to let the reader discern that I was
content to hear our invitations were all accepted.

Of the specialities and dainties of the banquet pre-
pared, it is not fitting that I should treat in any more
particular manner, than to say they were the best that
could be had, and that our guests were all mightily
well pleased. Indeed, my wife was out of the body
with exultation when Mrs Auchans of that Ilk beg-
ged that she would let her have a copy of the direc-
tions she had followed in making a flummery, which
the whole company declared was most excellent.
This compliment was the more pleasant, as Lady
Auchans was well known for her skill in savoury con-
trivances, and to have anything new to her of the sort
was a triumph beyond our most sanguine expect-
ations. In a word, from that day we found that we had
taken, as it were, a step above the common in the
town. There were, no doubt, some who envied our
good fortune; but, upon the whole, the community at
large were pleased to see the consideration in which
their chief magistrate was held. It reflected down, as
it were, upon themselves a glaik of the sunshine that
shone upon us; and although it may be a light thing,
as it is seemingly a vain one, to me to say, I am now
pretty much of Mrs Pawkie's opinion, that our culti-
vation of an intercourse with the country gentry was,

256

THE TESTS OF SUCCESS

in the end, a benefit to our family, in so far as it ob-
tained, both for my sons and daughters, a degree of
countenance that otherwise could hardly have been
expected from their connexions and fortune, even
though I had been twice provost.

R

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
RETRIBUTION

CHAPTER XXXVI RETRIBUTION

BUT A SAD ACCIDENT SHORTLY AFTER

happened, which had the effect of making it as little
pleasant to me to vex Mr Hickery with a joke about
the Tappit-hen, as it was to him. Widow Fenton, as
I have soberly hinted; for it is not a subject to be
openly spoken of, had many ill-assorted and irregular
characters among her customers; and a gang of play-
actors coming to the town, and getting leave to per-
form in Mr Dribble's barn, batches of the young lads,
both gentle and semple,when the play was over,used
to adjourn to her house for pies and porter, the com-
modities in which she chiefly dealt. One night, when
the deep tragedy of Mary Queen of Scots was the
play, there was a great concourse of people at "The
Theatre Royal," and the consequence was, that the
Tappit-hen's house, both but and ben, was, at the
conclusion, filled to overflowing.

The actress that played Queen Elizabeth, was a
little-worth termagant woman, and, in addition to
other laxities of conduct, was addicted to the im-
morality of taking more than did her good, and when
in her cups, she would rant and ring fiercer than old
Queen Elizabeth evercould do herself. Queen Mary's
part was done by a bonny genty young lady, that was
said to have run away from a boarding-school, and,
by all accounts, she acted wonderful well. But she too
was not altogether without a flaw, so that there was
a division in the town between their admirers and
261

THE PROVOST

visiters; some maintaining, as I was told, that Mrs
Beaufort, if she would keep herself sober, was not
only a finer woman, but more of a lady, and a better
actress, than Miss Scarborough, while others consid-
ered her as a vulgar regimental virago.

The play of Mary Queen of Scots, causing a great
congregation of the rival partizans of the two ladies
to meet in the Tappit-hen's public, some contention
took place about the merits of their respective favour-
ites, and, from less to more, hands were raised, and
blows given, and the trades'-lads, being as hot in their
differences as the gentlemen, a dreadful riot ensued.
Gillstoups, porter bottles, and penny pies flew like
balls and bomb-shells in battle. Mrs Fenton,with her
mutch off, and her hair loose, with wide and wild
arms, like a witch in a whirlwind, was seen trying to
sunder the challengers, and the champions. Finding,
however, her endeavours unavailing, and fearing that
murder would be committed, she ran like desper-
ation into the streets, crying for help. I was just at the
time stepping into my bed, when I heard the uproar,
and, dressing myself again, I went out to the street;
for the sound and din of the riot came raging through
the silence of the midnight, like" the tearing and
swearing of the multitude at a house on fire, and I
thought no less an accident could be the cause.

On going into the street, I met several persons run-
ning to the scene of action, and, among others, Mrs

262

RETRIBUTION

Beaufort, with a gallant of her own, and both of them
no in their sober senses. It's no for me to say who he
was; but assuredly, had the woman no been doited
with drink, she never would have seen any likeness
between him and me, for he was more than twenty
years my junior. However, onward we all ran to Mrs
Fenton's house, where the riot, like a raging caldron
boiling o'er, had overflowed into the street.

The moment I reached the door, I ran forward
with my stick raised, but not with any design of
striking man, woman, or child, when a ramplor devil,
the young laird of Swinton, who was one of the most
outstrapolous rakes about the town, wrenched it out
of my grip, and would have, I dare say, made no
scruple of doing me some dreadful bodily harm,
when suddenly I found myself pulled out of the
crowd by a powerful -handed woman, who cried,
"Come, my love; love, come:" and who was this but
that scarlet strumpet, Mrs Beaufort, who having lost
her gallant in the crowd, and being, as I think, blind
fou, had taken me for him, insisting before all present
that I was her dear friend, and that she would die for
me — with other siclike fantastical and randy ranting,
which no queen in a tragedy could by any possibility
surpass. At first I was confounded and overtaken,
and could not speak; and the worst of all was, that,
in a moment, the mob seemed to forget their quarrel,
and to turn in derision on me. What might have en-

263

THE PROVOST

sued it would not be easy to say; but just at this very
critical juncture, and while the drunken latheronwas
casting herself into antic shapes of distress,and flour-
ishing with her hands and arms to the heavens at my
imputed cruelty, two of the town-officers came up,
which gave me courage to act a decisive part; so I
gave over to them Mrs Beaufort, with all her airs,
and, going myself to the guardhouse,brought a file of
soldiers, and so quelled the riot. But from that night
I thought it prudent to eschew every allusion to Mrs
Fenton, and tacitly to forgive even Swinton for the
treatment I had received from him, by seeming as if
I had not noticed him, although I had singled him
out by name.

Mrs Pawkie, on hearing what I had suffered from
Mrs Beaufort, was very zealous that I should punish
her to the utmost rigour of the law, even to drum-
ming her out of the town; but forbearance was my
best policy, so I only persuaded my colleagues to
order the players to decamp, and to give the Tappit-
hen notice, that it would be expedient for the future
sale of her pies and porter, at untimeous hours, and
that she should flit her howff from our town. Indeed,
what pleasure would it have been to me to have dealt
unmercifully, either towards the one or the other?
for surely the gentle way of keeping up a proper re-
spect for magistrates, and others in authority, should
ever be preferred; especially, as in cases like this,

264

RETRIBUTION

where there had been no premeditated wrong. And
I say this with the greater sincerity; for in my secret
conscience, when I think of the affair at this distance
of time, I am pricked not a little in reflecting how I
had previously crowed and triumphed over poor Mr
Hickery, in the matter of his mortification at the
time of Miss Peggy Dainty's false step.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
THE DUEL

CHAPTER XXXVII THE DUEL

HERETOFORE ALL MY MAGISTERIAL
undertakings and concerns had thriven in a very sat-
isfactory manner. I was, to be sure, now and then, as
I have narrated, subjected to opposition, and squibs,
and a jeer; and envious and spiteful persons were not
wanting in the world to call in question my intents
and motives, representing my best endeavours for the
public good as but a right-handed method to secure
my own interests. It would be a vain thing of me to
deny, that, at the beginning of my career, I was mis-
led by the wily examples of the past times, who
thought that, in taking on them to serve the com-
munity, they had a privilege to see that they were
full-handed for what benefit they might do the pub-
lic; but as I gathered experience, and saw the rising
of the sharp-sighted spirit that is now abroad among
the affairs of men, I clearly discerned that it would
be more for the advantage of me and mine to act with
a conformity thereto, than to seek, by any similar
wiles or devices, an immediate and sicker advantage.
I may therefore say, without a boast, that the two or
three years before my third provostry were as re-
nowned and comfortable to myself, upon the whole,
as any reasonable man could look for. We cannot,
however, expect a full cup and measure of the sweets
of life, without some adulteration of the sour and
bitter; and it was my lot and fate to prove an experi-
ence of this truth, in a sudden and unaccountable
269

THE PROVOST

falling off from all moral decorum in a person of my
brother's only son, Richard, a lad that was a promise
of great ability in his youth.

He was just between the tyning and the winning,
as the saying is, when the playactors, before spoken
off, came to the town, being then in his eighteenth
year. Naturally of a light-hearted and funny disposi-
tion, and possessing a jocose turn for mimickry, he
was a great favourite among his companions, and
getting in with the players, it seems drew up with that
little-worth, demure daffodel, Miss Scarborough,
through the instrumentality of whose condisciples
and the randy Mrs Beaufort, that riot at Widow Fen-
ton's began, which ended in expurgating the town
of the whole gang, bag and baggage. Some there were,
I shall here mention, who said that the expulsion of
the players was owing to what I had heard anent the
intromission of my nephew; but, in verity, I had not
theleastspunk or spark of suspicion of whatwas go-
ing on between him and the miss, till onenight,some
time after, Richard and the young laird of Swinton,
with others of their comrades, forgathered, and
came to high words on the subject, the two being
rivals, or rather, as was said, equally in esteem and
favour with the lady.

Young Swinton was, to say the truth of him, a fine
bold rattling lad, warm in the temper,and ready with
the hand, and no man's foe so much as his own; for

270

THE DUEL

he was a spoiled bairn, through the partiality of old
Lady Bodikins, his grandmother, who lived in the
turreted house at the town-end, by whose indulgence
he grew to be of a dressy and rakish inclination, and,
like most youngsters of the kind, was vain of his
shames, the which cost Mr Pittle's session no little
trouble. But — not to dwell on his faults — my neph-
ew and he quarrelled, and nothing less would serve
them than to fight a duel, which they did with pis-
tols next morning; and Richard received from the
laird's first shot a bullet in the left arm, that dis-
abled him in that member for life. He was left for
dead on the green where they fought — Swinton
and the two seconds making, as was supposed, their
escape.

When Richard was found faint and bleeding by
Tammy Tout, the town-herd, as he drove out the
cows in the morning, the hobleshow is not to be de-
scribed; and my brother came to me, and insisted
that I should give him a warrant to apprehend all
concerned. I was grieved for my brother, and very
much distressed to think of what had happened to
blithe Dicky, as I was wont to call my nephew when
he was a laddie, and I would fain have gratified the
spirit of revenge in myself; but I brought to mind his
roving and wanton pranks,and Icounselledhisfather
first to abide the upshot of the wound, representing
to him, in the best manner I could, that it was but
271

THE PROVOST

the quarrel of the young men, and that maybe his
son was as muckle in fault as Swinton.

My brother was, however, of a hasty temper, and
upbraided me with my slackness, on account, as he
tauntingly insinuated, of the young laird being one
of my best customers, which was a harsh and unright-
eous doing; but it was not the severest trial which the
accident occasioned to me; for the same night, at a
late hour, a line was brought to me by a lassie, re-
questing I would come to a certain place — and when
I went there, who was it from but Swinton and the
two other young lads that had been the seconds at
the duel.

" Bailie," said the laird on behalf of himself and
friends, "though you are the uncle of poor Dick, we
have resolved to throw ourselves into your hands, for
we have not provided any money to enable us to flee
the country; we only hope you will not deal overly
harshly with us till his fate is ascertained."

I was greatly disconcerted, and wist not what to
say; for knowing the rigour of our Scottish laws a-
gainst duelling, I was wae to see three brave youths,
not yet come to years of discretion, standing in the
peril and jeopardy of an ignominious end, and that,
too, for an injury done to my own kin; and then I
thought of my nephew and of my brother, that, may-
be, would soon be in sorrow for the loss of his only
son. In short, I was tried almost beyond my human-

272

THE DUEL

ity. The three poor lads, seeing me hesitate, were
much moved, and one of them (Sandy Blackie)said,
"I told you how it would be; it was even-down mad-
ness to throwourselves into the lion'smouth."To this
Swinton replied, "Mr Pawkie, we have cast ourselves
on your mercy as a gentleman."

What could I say to this, but that I hoped they
would find me one; and without speaking any more
at that time — for indeed I could not, my heart beat
so fast — I bade them follow me, and taking them
round by the back road to my garden yett, I let them
in, and conveyed them into a warehouse where I kept
my bales and boxes. Then slipping into the house, I
took out of the pantry a basket of bread and a cold
leg of mutton, which, when Mrs Pawkie and the ser-
vant lassies missed in the morning, they could not di-
vine what had become of; and giving the same to
them, with a bottle of wine — for they were very hun-
gry, having tasted nothing all day — I went round to
my brother's to see at the latest how Richard was.
But such a stang as I got on entering the house, when
I heard his mother wailing that he was dead, he hav-
ing fainted away in getting the bullet extracted; and
when I saw his father coming out of the room like a
demented man, and heard again his upbraiding of
me for having refused a warrant to apprehend the
murderers — I was so stunned with the shock, and
with the thought of the poor younglads in mymercy,
273 S

THE PROVOST

that I could with difficulty support myself along the
passage into a room where there was a chair, into
which I fell rather than threw myself. I had not, how-
ever, been long seated, when a joyful cry announced
that Richard was recovering, and presently he was in
a manner free from pain; and the doctor assured me
the wound was probably not mortal. I did not, how-
ever, linger long onhearingthis;buthasteninghome,
I took what money I had in my scrutoire, and going
to the malefactors, said, "Lads, take thir twa three
pounds, and quit the town as fast as ye can, for Rich-
ard is my nephew, and blood, ye ken, is thicker than
water, and I may be tempted to give you up."

They started on their legs, and shaking me in a
warm manner by both the hands, they hurried away
without speaking, nor could I say more, as I opened
the back yett to let them out, than bid them take
tent of themselves.

MrsPawkiewas in a great consternation at my late
absence, and when I went home she thought I was
ill, I was so pale and flurried, and she wanted to send
for the doctor, but I told her that when I was calmed,
I would be better; however, I got no sleep that night,
In the morning I went to see Richard, whom I found
in a composed and rational state: he confessed to his
father that he was as muckle to blame as Swinton,
and begged and entreated us, if he should die, not to
take any steps against the fugitives: my brother, how-

274

THE DUEL

ever, was loth to make rash promises, and it was not
till his son was out of danger that I had any ease of
mind for the part I had played. But when Richard
was afterwards well enough to go about, and the duel-
lers had come out of their hidings, they told him what
I had done, by which the whole affair came to the pub-
lic, and I got great fame thereby, none being more
proud to speak of it than poor Dick himself, who,
from that time, became the bosom friend of Swinton;
in so much that, when he was out of his time as a
writer, and had gone through his courses at Edin-
burgh, the laird made him his man of business, and,
in a manner, gave him a nest egg.

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
AN INTERLOCUTOR

XXXVIII. AN INTERLOCUTOR

UPON A CONSIDERATION OF MANY
things, it appears to me very strange, that almost the
whole tot of our improvements became, in a manner,
the parents of newplagues and troubles to themagis-
trates. It might reasonably have been thought that
the lamps in the streets would have been a terror to
evil-doers, and the plainstone side-pavements paths
of pleasantness to them that do well; but, so far from
this being the case, the very reverse was the conse-
quence. The servant lasses went freely out (on their
errands) at night, and at late hours, for their mistress-
es, without the protection of lanterns, by which they
were enabled to gallant in a way that never could
have before happened: for lanterns are kenspeckle
commodities, and of course a check on every kind of
gavaulling. Thus, out of the lamps sprung no little ir-
regularity in the conduct of servants, and much bit-
terness of spirit on that account to mistresses, especi-
ally to those who were of a particular turn, and who
did not choose that their maidens should spend their
hours a-field, when they could be profitably employ-
ed at home.

Of the plagues that were from the plainstones, I
have given an exemplary specimen in the plea be-
tween old perjink Miss Peggy Dainty, and the widow
Fenton, that was commonly called the Tappit-hen.
For the present, I shall therefore confine myself in
this nota bena to an accident that happened to Mrs
279

THE PROVOST

Gird wood, the deacon of the coopers' wife — a most
managing, industrious, and indefatigable woman,
that allowed no grass to grow in her path.

Mrs Gird wood had fee'd one Jeanie Tirlet, and
soon after she came home, the mistress had her big
summer washing at the public washing-house on the
green — all the best of her sheets and napery — both
what had been used in the course of the winter, and
what was only washed to keep clear in the colour,
were in the boyne. It was one of the greatest doings
of the kind that the mistress had in the whole course
of the year, and the value of things intrusted to
Jeanie's care was not to be told, at least so said Mrs
Girdwood herself.

Jeanie and Marion Sapples, the washerwoman,
with a pickle tea and sugar tied in the corners of a
napkin, and two measured glasses of whisky in an old
doctor's bottle, had been sent with the foul clothes
the night before to the washing-house, and by break
of day they were up and at their work; nothing par-
ticular, as Marion said, was observed about Jeanie
till after they had taken their breakfast, when, in
spreading out the clothes on the green, some of the
ne'er-do-weel young clerks of the town were seen
gafifawing and haverelling with Jeanie, the consequ-
ence of which was, that all the rest of the day she was
light-headed; indeed, as Mrs Girdwood told me her-
self, when Jeanie came in from the green for Marion's

280

JEAM GAISLING

AN INTERLOCUTOR

dinner, she couldna help remarking to her goodman,
that there was something fey about the lassie, or, to
use her own words, there was a storm in her tail, light
where it might. But little did she think it was to bring
the dule it did to her.

Jeanie having gotten the pig with the wonted al-
lowance of broth and beef in it for Marion, returned
to the green, and while Marion was eating the same,
she disappeared. Once away, aye away; hilt or hair
of Jeanie was not seen that night. Honest Marion
Sapples worked like a Trojan to the gloaming, but
the light latheron never came back; at last, seeing no
other help for it, she got one of the other women at
the washing-house to go to Mrs Girdwood and to let
her know what had happened, and how the best part
of the washing would, unless help was sent, be oblig-
ed to lie out all night.

The deacon's wife well knew the great stake she
had on that occasion in the boyne, and was for a
season demented with the thought; but at last sum-
moning her three daughters, and borrowing our lass,
and Mr Smeddum the tobacconist's niece, she went
to the green, and got everything safely housed, yet
still Jeanie Tirlet never made her appearance.

Mrs Girdwood and her daughters having returned
home, in a most uneasy state of mind on the lassie's
account, the deacon himself came over to me, to con-
sult what he ought to do as the head of a family. But
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THE PROVOST

I advised him to wait till Jeanie cast up, which was
the next morning. Where she had been, and who she
was with, could never be delved out of her; but the
deacon brought her to the clerk's chamber, before
Bailie Kittlewit, who was that dayacting magistrate,
and he sentenced her to be dismissed from her servi-
tude with no more than the wage she had actually
earned. The lassie was conscious of the ill turn she
had played, and would have submitted in modesty;
but one of the writers' clerks, an impudent whipper-
snapper, that had more to say with her than I need
to say, bade her protest and appeal against the inter-
locutor, which the daring gipsy, so egged on, actually
did, and the appeal next court day came before me.
Whereupon, I, knowing the outs and ins of the case,
decerned that she should be fined five shillings to
the poor of the parish, and ordained to go back to
Mrs Gird wood's, and there stay out the term of her
servitude, or failing by refusal so to do, to be sent to
prison, and put to hard labour for the remainder of
the term.

Every body present, on hearing the circumstances,
thought this a most judicious and lenient sentence;
but so thought not the other servant lasses of the
town; for in the evening, as I was going home, think-
ing no harm, on passing the Cross-well, where a vast
congregation of them were assembled with their
stoups discoursing the news of the day, they opened

282

AN INTERLOCUTOR

on me like a pack of hounds at a tod, and I verily be-
lieved they would have mobbed me had I not made
the best of my way home. My wife had been at the
window when the hobleshow began, and was just like
to die of diversion at seeing me so set upon by the
tinklers; and when I entered the dining-room she
said, "Really, Mr Pawkie, ye're a gallant man, to be
soweel in the good gracesof theladies." Butalthough
I have often since had many a good laugh at the
sport, I was not overly pleased with Mrs Pawkie at
the time — particularly as the matter between the
deacon's wife and Jeanie did not end with my inter-
locutor. For the latheron's friend in the court having
discovered that I had not decerned she was to do any
work to Mrs Girdwood, but only to stay out her term,
advised her to do nothing when she went back but
go to her bed, which she was bardy enough to do,
until my poor friend, the deacon, in order to get a
quiet riddance of her, was glad to pay her full fee,
and board wages for the remainder of her time. This
was the same Jeanie Tirlet that was transported for
somemisdemeanour, after making both Glasgow and
Edinburgh owre het to hold her.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
THE NEWSPAPER

CHAPTER XXXIX THE NEWSPAPER

SHORTLY AFTER THE FOREGOING TRI-

bulation, of which I cannot take it upon me to say
that I got so well rid as of many other vexations of
a more grievous nature, there arose a thing in the
town that caused to me much deep concern, and very
serious reflection. I had been, from the beginning, a
true government man, as all loyal subjects ought in
duty to be; for I never indeed could well understand
how it would advantage, either the king or his mini-
sters, to injure and do detriment to the lieges; on the
contrary, I always saw and thought that his majesty,
and those of his cabinet, had as great an interest in
the prosperity and well-doing of the people, as it was
possible for a landlord to have in the thriving of his
tenantry. Accordingly, giving on all occasions, and
at all times and seasons, even when the policy of the
kingdom was overcast with a cloud, the king and
government, in church and state, credit for the best
intentions, however humble their capacity in per-
formance might seem in those straits and difficulties,
which, from time to time, dumfoundered the wisest
in power and authority, I was exceedingly troubled
to hear that a newspaperwas to be set upintheburgh,
and that, too, by hands not altogether clean of the
coom of Jacobinical democracy.

The person that first brought me an account of
this, and it was in a private confidential manner, was
Mr Scudmyloof, the grammar schoolmaster, a man
287

THE PROVOST

of method and lear, to whom the fathers of the pro-
ject had applied for an occasional cast of his skill, in
the way of Latin head-pieces, and essays of erudition
concerning the free spirit among the ancient Greeks
and Romans; but he, not liking the principle of the
men concerned in the scheme, thought that it would
be a public service to the community at large, if a
stop could be put, by my help, to the opening of such
an ettering sore and king's evil as a newspaper, in our
heretofore and hitherto truly royal and loyal burgh;
especially as it was given out that the calamity, for I
can call it no less, was to be conducted on liberal
principles, meaning, of course, in the most afflict-
ing and vexatious manner towards his majesty's
ministers.

"What ye say," said I to Mr Scudmyloof when he
told me the news, " is very alarming, very much so
indeed; but as there is no law yet actually and per-
emptorily prohibiting the sending forth of ruews-
papers, I doubt it will not be in my power to inter-
fere."

He was of the same opinion; and we both agreed
it was a rank exuberance of liberty, that the common-
ality should be exposed to the risk of being inocu-
lated with anarchy and confusion, from what he, in
his learned manner, judiciously called the predilec-
tions of amateur pretension. The parties engaged in
the project being Mr Absolom the writer — a man no

288

THE NEWSPAPER

overly reverential in his opinion of the law and lords
when his clients lost their pleas, which, poor folk, was
very often — and some three or four young and inex-
perienced lads, that were wont to read essays, and
debate the kittle points of divinity and other hidden
knowledge, in the Cross-Keys monthly, denying the
existence of the soul of man, as Dr Sinney told me,
till they were deprived of all rationality by foreign
or British spirits. In short, I was perplexed when I
heard of the design, not knowing what to do, or what
might be expected from me by government in a case
of such emergency as the setting up of a newspaper
so declaredly adverse to every species of vested trust
and power; for it was easy to forsee that those im-
mediately on the scene would be the first opposed to
the onset and brunt of the battle. Never can any pub-
lic man have a more delicate task imposed upon him,
than to steer clear of offence in such a predicament.
After a full consideration of the business, Mr Scud-
myloof declared that he would retire from the field,
and stand aloof; and he rehearsed a fine passage in
the Greek language on that head, pat to the occasion,
but which I did not very thoroughly understand, be-
ing no deacon in the dead languages, as I told him at
the time.

But when the dominie had left me, I considered
with myself, and having long before then observed
that our hopes, when realized, are always light in the
289 T

THE PROVOST

grain, and our fears, when come to pass, less than they
seemed as seen through the mists of time and dis-
tance, I resolved with myself to sit still with my eyes
open, watching and saying nothing; and it was well
that I deported myself so prudently; for when the
first number of the paper made its appearance, it was
as poor a job as ever was "open to all parties, and in-
fluenced by none;" and it required but two eyes to
discern that there was no need of any strong power
from the lord advocate to suppress or abolish the un-
dertaking; for there was neither birr nor smeddum
enough in it to molest the high or to pleasurethelow;
so being left to itself, and not ennobled by any prose-
cution, as the schemers expected,it became as foison-
less as the "London Gazette" on ordinary occasions.
Those behind the curtain, who thought to bounceout
with a grand stot and strut before the world, finding
that even I used it as a convenient vehicle to adver-
tise my houses when need was, and which I did by the
way of a canny seduction of policy, joking civilly with
Mr Absolom anent his paper trumpet, as I called it,
they were utterly vanquished by seeing themselves of
so little account in the world, and forsook the thing
altogether; by which means it was gradually trans-
formed into a very solid and decent supporter of the
government — Mr Absolom, for his pains, being in-
vited to all our public dinners, of which he gave a full
account, to the great satisfaction of all who were pre-
290

THE NEWSPAPER

sent, but more particularly to those who were not,
especially the wives and ladies of the town, to whom
it was a great pleasure to see the names of their kith
and kin in print. And indeed, to do Mr Absolom
justice, hewas certainly at great pains to set off every
thing to the best advantage,and usually put speeches
to some of our names which showed that, in the way
of grammaticals, he was even able to have mended
some of the parliamentary clishmaclavers, of which
the Londoners, with all their skill in the craft, are so
seldom able to lick into any shape of common sense.
Thus, by a judicious forbearance in the first in-
stance, and a canny wising towards the undertaking
in the second, did I, in the third, help to convert this
dangerous political adversary into a very respectable
instrument of governmental influence
and efficacy.

CHAPTER FORTY
THE SCHOOL-HOUSE SCHEME

XL THE SCHOOL-HOUSE SCHEME

THE SPIRIT OF OPPOSITION THAT KITH-
ed towards me in the affair of Robin Boss, the drum-
mer, was but an instance and symptom of the new
nature then growing up in public matters. I was not
long done with my second provostry, when I had oc-
casion to congratulate myself on having passed twice
through the dignity with so much respect; for, at the
Michaelmas term, we had chosen Mr Robert Plan in-
to the vacancy caused by the death of that easy man,
Mr Weezle, which happened a short time before. I
know not what came over me, that Mr Plan was al-
lowed to be chosen, for I never could abide him; be-
ing, as he was, a great stickler for small particulari-
ties, morezealous than discreet,and even more intent
to carry his own point, than to consider the good that
might flow from a more urbane spirit. Not that the
man was devoid of ability — few, indeed, could set
forth a more plausible tale; but he was continually
meddling, keeking, and poking, and always taking
up a suspicious opinion of every body's intents and
motives but his own. He was, besides, of a retired and
sedentary habit of body; and the vapour of his stom-
ach, as he was sitting by himself, often mounted into
his upper story, and begat, with his over zealous and
meddling imagination, many unsound and fantasti-
cal notions. For all that, however, it must be acknow-
ledged that Mr Plan was a sincere honest man, only
he sometimes lacked the discernment of the right
295

THE PROVOST

from the wrong; and the consequence was, that, when
in error,he was even more obstinate than when in the
right; for his jealousy of human nature made him in-
terpret falsely theheat with which his own headstrong
zeal, when in error, was ever very properly resisted.
In nothing, however, did his molesting temper
cause so much disturbance,as when, in the year 1809,
the bigging of the new school-house was under con-
sideration. There was, about that time, a great sough
throughout the country on the subject of education,
and it was a fashion to call schools academies; and
out of a delusion rising from the use of that term, to
think it necessary to decry the good plain old places,
wherein so many had learnt those things by which
they helped to make the country and kingdom what
it is, and to scheme for the ways and means to raise
more edificial structures and receptacles. None was
more infected with his distemperature than Mr Plan;
and accordingly, when he came to the council-cham-
ber, on the day that the matter of the new school-
house was to be discussed, he brought with him a
fine castle in the air, which he pressed hard upon us;
representing, that if we laid out two or three thou-
sand pounds more than we intended, and built a
beautiful academy and got a rector thereto, with a
liberal salary, and other suitable masters, opulent
people at adistance — yea,gentlemen in theEast and
and West Indies — would send their children to be

296

THE SCHOOL-HOUSE SCHEME

educated among us, by which, great fame and profit
would redound to the town.

Nothing could be more plausibly set forth; and
certainly the project, as a notion, had many things to
recommend it; but we had no funds adequate to un-
dertake it; so, on the score of expense, knowing, as I
did, the state of the public income, I thought it my
duty to oppose it in toto; which fired Mr Plan to such
a degree, that he immediately insinuated that I had
some end of my own to serve in objecting to his
scheme; and because the wall that it was proposed to
big round the moderate building which we were con-
templating, would inclose a portion of the backside
of my new steading at the Westergate, he made no
scruple of speaking, in a circumbendibus manner, as
to the particular reasons that I might have for pre-
ferring it to his design, which he roused, in his way,
as more worthy of the state of the arts and the taste
of the age.

It was not easy to sit still under his imputations;
especially as I could plainly see that some of the
other members of the council leant towards his way
of thinking. Nor will I deny that, in preferring the
more moderate design, I had a contemplation of my
own advantage in the matter of the dyke; for I do not
think it any shame to a public man to serve his own
interests by those of the community, when he can
righteously do so.
297

THE PROVOST

It was a thing never questionable, that the school
house required the inclosure of a wall, and the out-
side of that wall was of a natural necessityconstrain-
ed to be a wing of inclosure to the ground beyond.
Therefore, I see not how a corrupt motive ought to
have been imputed to me, merely because I had a
piece of ground that marched with the spot whereon
it was intended to construct the new building; which
spot, I should remark, belonged to the town before
I bought mine. However, Mr Plan so worked upon
this material, that, what with one thing and what
with another, he got the council persuaded to give up
the moderate plan, and to consent to sell the ground
where it had been proposed to build the new school,
and to apply the proceeds to wards the means of erect-
ing a fine academy on the Green.

It was not easy to thole to be so thwarted, especi-
ally for such an extravagant problem, by one so new
to our councils and deliberations. I never was more
fashed in my life; for having hitherto, in all my plans
for the improvement of the town, not onlysucceeded,
but given satisfaction, I was vexed to see the council
run away with such a speculative vagary. No doubt,
the popular fantasy anent education and academies,
had quite as muckle to do in the matter as Mr Plan's
fozey rhetoric, but what availed that to me, at seeing
a reasonable undertaking reviled and set aside, and
grievous debts about to be laid on thecommunity for

298

THE SCHOOL-HOUSE SCHEME

a bubble as unsubstantial as that of the Ayr Bank.
Besides, it was giving the upper hand in the council
to Mr Plan, to which, as a new man, he had no right.
I said but little, for I saw it would be of no use; I, how-
ever, took a canny opportunity of remarking to old
Mr Dinledoup, the English teacher, that this castle-
building scheme of an academy would cause great
changes probably in the masters; and as, no doubt,
it would obligeus to adopt the newmethodsof teach-
ing, I would like to have a private inkling of what
salary he would expect on being superannuated.

The worthy man was hale and hearty, not exceed-
ing three score and seven, and had never dreamt of
being superannuated. He was, besides, a prideful
body, and, like all of his calling, thought not a little
of himself. The surprise, therefore, with which he
heard me was just wonderful. For a space of time he
stoodstill and uttered nothing; thenhetook hissnuff-
box out of the flap pocket of his waistcoat, where he
usually carried it, and, giving three distinct and very
comical raps, drew his mouth into a purse. "Mr Paw-
kie," at last he said; "Mr Pawkie, there will be news
in the world before I consent to be superannuated."

This was what I expected, and I replied, "Then,
why do not you and Mr Scudmyloof,of the grammar
school, represent to the magistrates that the present
school-house may, with a small repair, serve for many
years." And so I sowed an effectual seed of opposi-
299

THE PROVOST

tion to Mr Plan, in a quarter he never dreamt of; the
two dominies, in the dread of undergoingsome trans-
mogrification, laid their heads together, and went
round among the parents of the children, anddecried
the academy project, and the cess that the cost of it
would bring uponthe town;by which a publicopinion
was begotten and brought to a bearing, that the
magistrates could not resist; so the old school-house
was repaired, and Mr Plan's scheme, as well as the
other, given up. In this,it is true,if I had not the satis-
faction to get a dyke to the backside of my property,
I had the pleasure to know that my interloping ad-
versary was disappointed; the which was a sort of
compensation.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
BENEFITS OF NEUTRALITY

XL1 BENEFITS OF NEUTRALITY

THE GENERAL ELECTION IN 1812 WAS A
source of trouble and uneasiness to me; both because
our district of burghs was to be contested, and be-
cause the contest was not between men of opposite
principles, but of the same side. To neither of them
had I anyparticular leaning;on the contrary, I would
have preferred the old member, whom I had, on dif-
ferent occasions, found an accessible and tractable
instrument, in the way of getting small favours with
the government and India company, for friends that
never failed to consider them as such things should
be. But what could I do? Providence had placed me
in the van of the battle, and I needs must fight; so
thought every body, and so for a time I thought my-
self. Weighing, however, the matter one night sober-
ly in my mind, and seeing that whichever of the two
candidates was chosen, I, by my adherent loyalty to
the cause for which they were both declared, the con-
test between them being a rivalry of purse and per-
sonality, would have as much to say with the one as
with the other, came to the conclusion that it was my
prudentest course not to intermeddle at all in the
election. Accordingly, as soon as it was proper to
make a declaration of my sentiments, I made this
known, and it caused a great wonderment in the town;
nobody could imagine it possible that I was sincere,
many thinking there was something aneath it, which
would kithe in time to the surprise of the public.
303

THE PROVOST

However, the peutering went on, and I took no part.
The two candidates were as civil and as liberal, the
one after the other, to Mrs Pawkie and my daughters,
as any gentlemen of a parliamentary understanding
could be. Indeed, I verily believe, that although I had
been really chosen delegate, as it was at one time in-
tended I should be, I could not have hoped for half
the profit that came in from the dubiety which my
declaration of neutrality caused; for as often as I as-
sured the one candidate that I did not intend even to
be present at the choosing of the delegate, some rich
present was sure to be sent to my wife, of which the
other no sooner heard than he was upsides with him.
It was just a sport to think of me protesting my neu-
trality, and to see how little I was believed. For still
the friends of the two candidates, like the figures of
of the four quarters of the world round Britannia in
a picture, came about my wife, and poured into her
lap a most extraordinary paraphernalia from the
horn of their abundance.

The common talk of the town was, that surely I
was bereft of my wonted discretion, to traffic so open-
ly with corruption; and that it could not be doubted
I would have to face the House of Commons, and
suffer the worst pains and penalties of bribery. But
what did all this signify to me, who was conscious of
the truth and integrity of my motives and talents?
"They say! — what say they? — let them say!" — was

304

THE BENEFITS OF NEUTRALITY

what I said, as often as any of my canny friends came
to me, say ing, "For God's sake, Mr Pawkie, tak'tent"
— "I hope, Mr Pawkie, ye ken the ground ye stand
on"— or, "I wish that some folkswere aware of what's
said about them." In short, I was both angered and
diverted by their clishmaclavers; and having some
need to go into Glasgow just on the eve of the elec-
tion, I thought I would, for diversion, give them some-
thing in truth to play with; so saying nothing to my
shop lad the night before, nor even to Mrs Pawkie,
(for the best of women are given to tattling), till we
were in our beds, I went off early on the morning of
the day appointed for choosing the delegate.

The consternation in the town at my evasion was
wonderful. Nobody could fathom it; and the friends
and supporters of the rival candidates looked, as I
was told, at one another, in a state of suspicion that
was just a curiosity to witness. Even when the dele-
gate was chosen, every body thought that something
would be found wanting, merely because I was not
present. The new.member himself, when his election
was declared, did not feel quite easy; and more than
once, when I saw him after my return from Glasgow,
he said to me, in a particular manner — "But tell me
now, bailie, what was the true reason of your visit to
Glasgow?" And, in like manner, his opponent also
hinted that he would petition against the return; but
there were some facts which he could not well get at
305 u

THE PROVOST

without my assistance — insinuating that I might find
my account in helping him.

At last, the true policy of the part I had played be-
gan to be understood; and I got far more credit for
the way in which I had turned both parties so well to
my own advantage, than if I had been the means of
deciding the election by my single vote.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
THE NEW MEMBER

CHAPTER XLII THE NEW MEMBER

BUT THE NEW MEMBER WAS, IN SOME
points, not of so tractable a nature as many of his pre-
decessors had beenjand notwithstanding all the cou-
thy jocosity and curry- favouring of his demeanour
towards us before the election, he was no sooner re-
turned, than he began, as it were, to snap his fingers
in the very faces of those of the council to whom he
was most indebted, which was a thing not of very
easy endurance, considering how they had taxed
their consciences in his behalf; and this treatment
was the more bitterly felt, as the old member had
been, during the whole of his time, as considerate and
obliging as could reasonably be expected; doing any
little job that needed his helping hand when it was
in his power, and when it was not, replying to our
letters in a most discreet and civil manner. To be sure,
poor man,he had but little to say in the way of grant-
ing favours; for being latterly inclined to a whiggish
principle, he was, in consequence, debarred from all
manner of government patronage, and had little in
his gift but soft words and fair promises. Indeed, I
have often remarked, in the course of my time, that
there is a surprising difference, in regard to the ur-
banities in use among those who have not yet come
to authority, or who have been cast down from it, and
those who are in the full possession of the rule and
domination of office; but never was the thing plainer
than in the conduct of the new member.
309

THE PROVOST

He was by nature and inclination one of the upset-
ting sort; a kind of man who, in all manner of busi-
ness, have a leaven of contrariness, that makes them
very hard to deal with; and he, being conjunct with
his majesty's ministers at London, had imbibed and
partook of that domineering spirit to which all men
are ordained, to be given over whenever they are
clothed in the garments of power. Many among us
thought, by his colleaguingwith thegovernment,that
we had got a great catch, and they were both blythe
and vogie when he was chosen; none doubting but he
would do much good servitude to the corporation,
and the interestsof the burgh. However he soon gave
a rebuff, that laid us all on our backs in a state of the
greatest mortification. But although it behoved me
to sink down with the rest, I was but little hurt: on
the contary, I had a good laugh in my sleeve at the
time; and after wards, many a merry tumbler of toddy
with my brethren, when they had recovered from
their discomfiture. The story was this: —

About a fortnight after the election, Mr Scudmy-
loof, the schoolmaster, called one day on me, in my
shop, and said, "That being of a nervous turn, the din
of the school did not agree with him; and that he
would, therefore, be greatly obligated to me if I would
get him made a gauger." There had been something
in the carriage of our new member, before he left the
town, that was not satisfactory to me, forbye my part

310

THE NEW MEMBER

at the election, the which made me loth to be the first
to ask for any grace, though the master was a most
respectable and decent man; so I advised Mr Scud-
myloof to apply to Provost Pickandab,who had been
the delegate, as the person to whose instrumentality
the member was most obliged; and to whose applic-
ation, he of course would pay the greatest attention.
Whether Provost Pickandab had made any ob-
serve similar to mine, I never could rightly under-
stand, though I had a notion to that effect: he, how-
ever,instead of writing himself, made the application
for Mr Scudmyloof an affair of the council; recom-
mending him as a worthy modest man, which he
really was, and well qualified for the post. Off went
this notable letter, and by return of post from Lon-
don, we got our answer as we were all sitting in coun-
cil; deliberating anent the rebuilding of the Cross-
well, which had been for some time in a sore state of
dilapidation; and surely never was any letter more to
the point and less to the purpose of an applicant. It
was very short and pithy, just acknowledging receipt
of ours; and adding thereto, "circumstances do not
allow me to pay any attention to such applications."
We all with one accord, in sympathy and instinct,
threw ourselves back in our chairs at the words, look-
ingat Provost Pickandab, with the pragmatical epistle
in his hand,sittingin his placeat theheadof the table,
with the countenance of consternation.

THE PROVOST

When I came to myself, I began to consider that
there must have been something no right in the pro-
vost's own letter on the subject, to cause such an un-
courteous rebuff; so after condemning, in very strong
terms, the member's most ungenteel style, in order
to procure for myself a patient hearing, I warily pro-
posed that the provost's application should be read,
a copy thereof being kept, and I had soon a positive
confirmation of my suspicion. For the provost, being
fresh in the dignity of his office, and naturally of a
prideful turn, had addressed the parliament man as
if he was under an obligation to him; and as if the
council had a right to command him to get the gau-
ger's post, or indeed any other, for whomsoever they
might apply. So, seeing whence the original sin of the
affair had sprung, I said nothing; but the same night
I wrote a humiliated letter from myself to the mem-
ber, telling him how sorry we all were for the indis-
cretion that had been used towards him, and how
much it would pleasure me to heal the breach that
had happened between him and the burgh, with other
words of an oily and conciliating policy.

The indignant member, by the time my letter re-
ached hand, had cooled in his passion, and, I fancy,
was glad of an occasion to do away the consequence
of the rupture; for with a most extraordinary alacrity
he procured Mr Scudmyloof the post, writing me,
when he had done so, in the civilest manner, and say-

312

THE NEW MEMBER

ing many condescending things concerning his re-
gard for me; all which ministered to maintain and up-
hold my repute and consideration in the town, as su-
perior to that of the provost.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
MY THIRD PROVOSTRY

XLIII MY THIRD PROVOSTRY

IT WAS AT THE MICHAELMAS 1813 THAT
I was chosen provost for the third time, and at the
special request of my lord the earl, who, being in ill
health, had been advised by the faculty of doctors in
London to try the medicinal virtues of the air and
climate of Sicily, in the Mediterranean sea; and there
was an understanding on the occasion, that I should
hold the post of honour for two years,chiefly in order
to bring to a conclusion different works that the town
had then in hand.

At the two former times when I was raised to the
dignity, and indeed at all times when I received any
advancement, I had enjoyed an elation of heart, and
was, as I may say, crouse and vogie; but experience
had worked a change upon my nature, and when I
was saluted on my election with the customary greet-
ings and gratulations of those present, I felt a so-
lemnity enter into the frame of my thoughts, and I
became as it were a new man on the spot. When I re-
turned home to my own house, I retired into my pri-
vate chamber for a time, to consult with myself in
what manner my deportment should 'be regulated;
for I was conscious that heretofore I had been overly
governed with a disposition to do things my own
way, and although not in an avaricious temper, yet
something, I must confess, with a sort of sinister re-
spect for my own interests. It may be, that standing
now clear and free of the world, I had less incitement
317

THE PROVOST

to be so grippy, and so was thought of me, I very
well know; but in sobriety and truth I conscientious-
ly affirm, and herein record, that I had lived to par-
take of the purer spirit which the great mutations of
the age had conjured into public affairs, and I saw
that there was a necessity to carry into all dealings
with the concerns of the community, the same pro-
bity which helps a man to prosperity in the seques-
tered traffic of private life.

This serious and religious communing wrought
within me to a benign and pleasant issue, and when
I went back in the afternoon to dine with the cor-
poration in the council-room, and looked around me
on the bailies, the councillors, and the deacons, I felt
as if I was indeed elevated above them all, and that I
had a task to perform, in which I could hope for but
little sympathy from many; and the first thing I did
was to measure, with a discreet hand, the festivity of
the occasion.

At all former and precedent banquets, it had been
the custom to give vent to muckle wanton and lux-
urious indulgence, and to galravitch, both at hack
and manger,in a very expensive manner to the funds
of the town. I therefore resolved to set my face against
this for the future; and accordingly, when we had en-
joyed a jocose temperance of loyalty and hilarity,
with a decent measure of wine, I filled a glass, and
requesting all present to do the same, without any

318

MY THIRD PROVOSTRY

preliminary reflectionsonthegavaullingofpasttimes,
I drank good afternoon to each severally, and then
rose from the table, in a way that put an end to all
the expectations of more drink.

But this conduct did not give satisfaction to some
of the old hands, who had been for years in the habit
and practice of looking forward to the provost's din-
ner as to a feast of fat things. Mr Peevie, one of the
very sickerest of all the former sederunts, came to
me next morning, in a remonstrating disposition, to
enquire what had come over me, and to tell me that
every body was much surprised, and many thought
it not right of me to breakinuponancientand wonted
customs in such a sudden and unconcerted manner.

This Mr Peevie was, in his person, a stumpy man,
well advanced in years. He had been, in his origin, a
bonnet-maker; but falling heir to a friend that left
him a property, he retired from business about the
fiftieth year of his age, doing nothing but walking
about with an ivory-headed staff, in a suit of dark
blue cloth with yellowbuttons, wearing alarge cocked
hat, and a white three-tiered wig, which was well pow-
dered every morning by Duncan Curl, the barber.
The method of his discourse and conversation was
very precise, and his words were all set forth in a style
of consequence, that took with many for a season as
the pith and marrow of solidityand sense. The body,
however, was but a pompous trifle, and I had for many
319

THE PROVOST

a day held his observes and admonishments in no
very reverential estimation. So that, when I heard
him address me in such a memorializing manner, I
was inclined and tempted to set him off with a flea
in his lug. However, I was enabled to bridle and rein
in this prejudicial humour, and answer him in his
own way.

"Mr Peevie," quo' I, "you know that few in the
town hae the repute that ye hae for a gift of sagacity
by common, and therefore I'll open my mind to you
in this matter, with a frankness that would not be a
judicious polity with folk of alighterunderstanding."
This was before the counter in my shop. I then
walked in behind it, and drew the chair that stands
in the corner nearer to the fire, for Mr Peevie. When
he was seated thereon, and, as was his wont in con-
versation, had placed both his hands on the top of
his staff, and leant his chin on the same, I subjoined.
"Mr Peevie, I need not tell to a man of your ex-
perience, that folk in public stations cannot always
venture to lay before the world the reasons of their
conduct on particular occasions; and therefore, when
men who have been long in the station that I have
filled in this town, are seen to step aside from what
has been in time past, it is to be hoped that grave
and sensible persons like you, Mr Peevie, will no
rashly condemn them unheard; nevertheless, my good
friend, I am very happy that ye have spoken to me

320

MY THIRD PROVOSTRY

anent the stinted allowance of wine and punch at the
dinner, because the like thing from any other would
have made me jealouse that the complaint was alto-
gether owing to a disappointed appetite, which is a
corrupt thing, that I am sure would never affect a
man of such a public spirit as you are well known
to be."

Mr Peevie,at this, lifted hischin from off his hands,
and dropping his arms down upon his knees, held his
staff by the middle, as he replied, looking upward
to me,

"What ye say, Provost Pawkie, has in it a solid
commodity of judgment and sensibility; and ye may
be sure that I was not without a cogitation of reflec-
tion, that there had been a discreet argument of eco-
nomy at the bottom of the revolution which was
brought to a criticism yesterday's afternoon. Weel
aware am I, that men in authority cannot appease
and quell the inordinate concupiscence of the multi-
tude, and that in a' stations of life there are persons
who would mumpileese the retinue of the king and
government for their own behoof and eeteration,
without any regard to the cause or effect of such
manifest predilections. But ye do me no more than
a judicature, in supposing that, in this matter, I am
habituated wi' the best intentions. For I can assure
you, Mr Pawkie, that no man in this community has
a more literal respect for your character than I have,
321 X

THE PROVOST

or is more disposed for a judicious example of con-
tinence in the way of public enterteenment than I
have ever been; for, as you know, I am of a constip-
ent principle towards every extravagant and costive
outlay. Therefore, on my own account, I had a satis-
faction at seeing the abridgement which you made
of our former inebrieties; but there are other persons
of a conjugal nature, who look upon such castrations
as a deficiency of their rights, and the like of them
will find fault with the best procedures."

"Very true, Mr Peevie," said I, "that's very true;
but if his Majesty's government, in this war for all
that is dear to us as men and Britons, wish us, who
are in authority under them, to pare and save, in
order that the means of bringing the war to a happy
end may not be wasted, an example must be set, and
that example, as a loyal subject and a magistrate,
it's my intent so to give, in the hope and confidence
of being backed by every person of a right way of
thinking."

"It's no to be deputed, Provost Pawkie," replied
my friend, somewhat puzzled by what I had said;
"it's no to be deputed, that we live in a gigantic vor-
tex, and that every man is bound to make an ener-
getic dispensation for the good of his country; but I
could not have thought that our means had come to
sic an alteration and extremity, as that the reverent
homage of the Michaelmas dinners could have been

322

MY THIRD PROVOSTRY

enacted, and declared absolute and abolished, by any
interpolation less than the omnipotence of parlia-
ment."

"Not abolished, Mr Peevie," cried I, interrupting
him; "that would indeed be a stretch of power. No,
no; I hope we're both ordained to partake of many a
Michaelmas dinner thegether yet; but with a meted
measure of sobriety. For we neither live in the auld
time nor the golden age, and it would not do now for
the like of you and me, Mr Peevie, to be seen in the
dusk of the evening, toddling home from the town-
hall wi' goggling een and havering tongues, and one
of the town-officers following at a distance in case of
accidents; sic things ye ken, hae been, but nobody
would plead for their continuance."

Mr Peevie did not relish this, for in truth it came
near his owndoors,it having been his annual practice
for some years at the Michaelmas dinner to give a
sixpence to James Hound, the officer, to see him safe
home, and the very time before he had sat so long,
that honest James was obligated to cleek and oxter
him the whole way; and in the way home, the old
man, cagie with what he had gotten, stood in the
causey opposite to Mr M 'Vest's door, then deacon of
the taylors, and trying to snap his fingers, sang like
a daft man,

'The sheets they were thin and the blankets were sma',
And the taylor fell through the bed, thimble and a'."

323

THE PROVOST

So that he was disconcerted by my innuendo, and
shortly after left the shop, I trow, with small in-
clination to propagate any sedition against me, for
the abbreviation I had made of the Michaelmas
galravitching.

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
THE CHURCH VACANT

XLIV THE CHURCH VACANT

I HAD LONG BEEN SENSIBLE THAT, IN

getting Mr Pittle the kirk, I had acted with the levity
and indiscretion of a young man; but at that time I
understood not the nature ofpublic trust,nor,indeed,
did the community at large. Men in power then ruled
more for their own ends than in these latter times;
and use and wont sanctioned and sanctified many
doings, from the days of our ancestors, that, but to
imagine, will astonish and startle posterity. Accord-
ingly, when Mr Pittle, after a lingering illness, was
removed from us, which happened in the first year of
my third provostry, I bethought me of the conse-
quences which had ensued from his presentation, and
resolved within myself to act a very different part in
the filling up of the vacancy. With this intent, as soon
as the breath was out of his body, I sent round for
some of the most weighty and best considered of the
councillors and elders, and told them that a great
trust was, by the death of the minister, placed in our
hands, and that, in these times, we ought to do what
in us lay to get a shepherd that would gather back
to the establishment the flock which had been scatter-
ed among the seceders, by the feckless crook and ill-
guiding of their former pastor.

They all agreed with me in this, and named one
eminent divine after another; but the majority of
voices were in favour of Dr Whackdeil of Kirkbogle,
a man of weight and example, both in and out the
327

THE PROVOST

pulpit, so that it was resolved to give the call to him,
which was done accordingly.

It however came out that the Kirkbogle stipend
was better than ours, and the consequence was, that
having given the call, it became necessary to make up
the deficiency; for it was not reasonable to expect
that the reverend doctor, withhis small family of nine
children, would remove to us at a loss. How to ac-
complish this was a work of some difficulty, for the
town revenues were all eaten up with one thing and
another; but upon an examination of the income, a-
rising from what had been levied on the seats for the
repair of the church, it was discovered that, by doing
away a sinking fund, which had been set apart to re-
deem the debt incurred for the same, and by the town
taking the debt on itself, we could make up a suffici-
ency to bring the doctor among us. And in so far as
having an orthodox preacher, and a very excellent
man for our minister, there was great cause to be sat-
isfied with that arrangement.

But the payment of the interest on the public debt,
with which the town was burdened, began soon after
to press heavily on us, and we were obligated to take
on more borrowed money, in order to keep our credit,
and likewise to devise ways and means, in the shape
of public improvements, to raise an income to make
up what was required. This led me to suggest the
building of the new bridge, the cost of which, by

328

HIS LORDSHI

THE CHURCH VACANT

contract, there was no reason to complain of, and the
toll thereon, while the war lasted, not only paid the
interest of the borrowed money by which it was built,
but left a good penny in the nook of the treasurer's
box for other purposes.

Had the war continued, and the nation to prosper
thereby as it did, nobody can doubt that a great
source of wealth and income was opened to the town;
but when peace came round, and our prosperity be-
gan to fall off, the traffic on the bridge grew less and
less, insomuch that the toll, as I now understand, (for
since my resignation, I meddle not with public con-
cerns,) does not yield enough to pay the five per cent
on the prime cost of the bridge, by which my succes-
sors suffer much molestation in raising the needful
money to do the same. However, every body contin-
ues well satisfied with Dr Whackdeil, who was the
original cause of thisperplexity; and it is to be hoped
that, in time, things will grow better, and the reven-
ues come round again to idemnify the town for its
present tribulation.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
THE STRAMASH IN THE COUNCIL

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

THE STRAMASH IN THE COUNCIL

AS I HAVE SAID, MY THIRD PROVOSTRY
was undertaken in a spirit of sincerity, different in
some degree from that of the two former; but strange
and singular as it may seem, I really think I got less
credit for the purity of my intents, than I did even in
the first. During the whole term from the election in
the year 1813 to the Michaelmas following, I verily
believe that no one proposal which I made to the
council was construed in a right sense; this was part-
ly owing to the repute I had acquired for canny man-
agement, but chiefly to the perverse views and mis-
conceptions of that Yankee thorn-in-the-side, Mr
Hickery, who never desisted from setting himself a-
gainst every thing that sprang from me, and as often
found some show of plausibility to maintain his argu-
mentations. And yet, for all that, he was a man held
in no esteem or respect in the town; for he had we-
aried every body out by his everlasting contradic-
tions. Mr Plan was likewise a source of great tribula-
tion to me; for he was ever and anon coming forward
with some new device, either for ornament or profit,
as he said, to the burgh; and no small portion of my
time, that might have been more advantageously
employed, was wasted in the thriftless consideration
of his schemes: all which, with my advanced years,
begat in me a sort of distaste to the bickerings of the
council chamber; so I conferred and communed with
333

THE PROVOST

myself, anent the possibility of ruling the town with-
out having recourse to so unwieldy a vehicle as the
wheels within wheels of the factions which the Yan-
kee reformator, and that projectile Mr Plan, as he
was called by Mr Peevie, had inserted among us.

I will no equivocate that there was, in this notion,
an appearance of taking more on me than the laws
allowed; but then my motives were so clean to my
conscience, and I was so sure of satisfying the people
by the methods I intended to pursue, that there could
be no moral fault in the trifle of illegality, which, may
be, I might have been led on to commit. However, I
was fortunately spared from the experiment, by a
sudden change in the council. — OnedayMrHickery
and Mr Plan, who had been for years colleaguing to-
gether for their own ends, happened to differ in op-
inion,and the one suspecting that this difference was
the fruit of some secret corruption, they taunted each
other, and came to high words, and finally to an open
quarrel, actually shaking their neeves across the
table, and, I'll no venture to deny, maybe exchang-
ing blows.

Such a convulsion in the sober councils of a burgh
town was never heard of. It was a thing not to be en-
dured, and so I saw at the time, and was resolved to
turn it to the public advantage. Accordingly, when
the two angry men had sat back in their seats,
bleached in the face with passion, and panting and

334

THE STRAMASH IN THE COUNCIL

out of breath, I rose up in my chair at the head of the
table, and with a judicial solemnity addressed the
council, saying, that what we had witnessed was a
disgrace not to be tolerated in a Christian land; that
unless we obtained indemnity for the past, and secur-
ity for the future, I would resign; but in doing so I
would bring the cause thereof before the Fifteen at
Edinburgh, yea, even to the House of Lords at
London; so^I gave the offending parties notice, as
well as those who, from motives of personal friend-
ship, might be disposed to overlook the insult that
had been given to the constituted authority of the
king, so imperfectly represented in my person, as it
would seem, by the audacious conflict and misde-
meanour which had just taken place.

This was striking while the iron was hot: every
one looked at my sternness with surprise, and some
begged me to be seated, and to consider the matter
calmly. — "Gentlemen," quo' I, "dinna mistake me.
I never was in more composure all my life. — It's in-
deed no on my own account that I feel on this occa-
sion. The gross violation of all the decent decorum
of magisterial authority, is not a thing that affects
me in my own person; it's an outrage against the
state; the prerogatives of the king's crown are en-
damaged; atonement must be made, or punishment
must ensue. It's a thing that by no possibility can
be overlooked: it's an offence committed in open

335

THE PROVOST

court, and we cannot but take cognizance thereof."

I saw that what I said was operating to an effect,
and that the two troublesome members were con-
founded. Mr Hickery rose to offer some apology;
but, perceiving I had now got him in a girn, I inter-
posed my authority, and would not permit him to
proceed.

"Mr Hickery," said I, "it's of no use to address
yourself to me. I am very sensible that ye are sorry
for your fault; but that will not do. The law knows no
such thing as repentance; and it is the law, not me
nor our worthy friends here, that ye have offended.
In short, Mr Hickery, the matter is such that, in one
word, either you and Mr Plan must quit your seats
at this table of your own free-will, or I must quit
mine, and mine I will not give up without letting the
public know the shame on your part that has com-
pelled me."

He sat down and I sat down; and for some time
the other councillors looked at one another in si-
lence and wonder. Seeing, however, that my gentle
hint was not likely to be taken, I said to the town-
clerk, who was sitting at the bottom of the table,

"Sir,it's your duty to make a minute of every thing
that is done and said at the sederunts of the council;
and as provost, I hereby require of you to record the
particularities of this melancholy crisis."

Mr Keelevine made an endeavour to dissuade me;

336

THE STRAMASH IN THE COUNCIL

but I set him down with a stern voice, striking the
table at the same time with all my birr, as I said, "Sir,
you have no voice here. Do you refuse to perform
what I order? At your peril I command the thing to
be done."

Never had such austeritybeen seen in my conduct
before. The whole council sat in astonishment; and
Mr Keelevine prepared his pen, and took a sheet of
paper to draw out a notation of the minute, when
Mr Peevie rose, and after coughing three times, and
looking first at me and syne at the two delinquents,
said —

"My Lord Provost,! was surprised, and beginning
to be confounded, at the explosion which the two
gentlemen have committed. No man can designate
the extent of such an official malversation, demon-
strated, as it has been here, in the presence of us all,
who are the lawful custodiers of the kingly dignity in
this his majesty's royal burgh. I will, therefore, not
take it upon me either to apologise or to obliviate
their offence; for, indeed, it is an offence that merits
the most condign animadversion, and the conse-
quences might be legible for ever, were a gentleman,
so conspicable in the town as you are, to evacuate
the magistracy on account of it. But it is my balsamic
advice, that rather than promulgate this matter, the
two malcontents should abdicate, and that a precept
should be placarded at this sederunt as if they were
337 Y

THE PROVOST

not here, but had resigned and evaded their places,
precursive to the meeting."

To this I answered, that no one could suspect me
of wishing to push the matter further, provided the
thing could be otherwise settled; and therefore, if Mr
Plan and Mr Hickery would shake hands, and agree
never to notice what had passed to each other, and
the other members and magistrates would consent
likewise to bury the business in oblivion, I would a-
gree to the balsamic advice of Mr Peevie, and even
waive my obligation to bind over the hostile parties
to keep the king's peace, so that the whole affair
might neither be known nor placed upon record.

Mr Hickery, I could discern, was rather surprised;
but I found that I had thus got the thief in the wuddy,
and he had no choice; so both he and Mr Plan rose
from their seats in a very sheepish manner, and look-
ing at us as if they had unpleasant ideas in their
minds, they departed forth the council-chamber; and
a minute was made by the town-clerk that they, hav-
ing resigned their trust as councillors, two other gen-
tlemen at the next meeting should be chosen into
their stead.

Thus did I, in a manner most unexpected, get my-
self rid and clear of the two most obdurate opposi-
tionists, and by taking care to choose discreet per-
sons for their successors, I was enabled to wind the
council round my ringer, which was a far more expe-

338

THE STRAMASH IN THE COUNCIL

dient method of governingthe community than what
I had at one time meditated, even if I could have
brought it to a bearing. But, in order to understand
the full weight and importance of this, I must de-
scribe how the choice and election was made, be-
cause, in order to make my own power and influence
the more sicker, it was necessary that I should not be
seen in the business.

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
THE NEW COUNCILLORS

XLVI THE NEW COUNCILLORS

MR PEEVIE WAS NOT A LITTLE PROUD
of the part he had played in the storm of the council,
and his words grew, if possible, longer-nebbit and
more kittle than before, in so much that the same
evening, when I called on him after dusk, by way of
a device to get him to help the implementing of my
intents with regard to the choice of two gentlemen to
succeed those whom he called "the expurgated dis-
locators," it was with a great difficulty that I could
expiscate his meaning. "Mr Peevie," said I, when we
were cozily seated by ourselves in his little back par-
lour— the mistress having set out the gardevin and
tumblers, and the lass brought in the hot water — "I
do not think, Mr Peevie, that in all my experience,
and I am now both an old man and an old magis-
trate, that I ever saw any thing better managed than
the manner in which ye quelled the hobleshow this
morning, and therefore we maun hae a little more of
your balsamic advice, to makea'heal among usagain;
and now that I think o't, how has it happent that ye
hae never been a bailie? I'msure it's dueboth to your
character and circumstance that yeshouldtake upon
you a portion of the burden of the town honours.
Therefore, Mr Peevie, would it no be a very proper
thing, in the choice of the new councillors, to take
men of a friendly mind towards you, and of an easy
and manageable habit of will."

The old man was mightily taken with this insinua-

343

THE PROVOST

tion, and acknowledged that it would give him plea-
sure to be a bailie next year. We then cannily pro-
ceeded, justas if onething begat another, todiscourse
anent the different men that were likely to do as
councillors, and fixed at last on Alexander Hodden
the blanket merchant, and Patrick Fegs the grocer,
both excellent charactersof their kind. There was not,
indeed, in the whole burgh at the time, a person of
such a flexible easy nature as Mr Hodden; and his
neighbour, Mr Fegs, was even better, for he was so
good-tempered, and kindly, and complying, that the
very callants at the grammar school had nicknamed
him Barley-sugar Pate.

"No better than them can be,"said I to Mr Peevie;
"they are likewise both well to do in the world, and
should be brought into consequence; and the way o't
canna be in better hands than your own. I would,
therefore, recommend it to you to see them on the
subject, and, if ye find them willing, lay your hairs
in the water to bring the business to a bearing."

Accordingly, we settled to speak of it as a matter
in part decided, that Mr Hodden and Mr Fegs were
to be the two new councillors; and to make the thing
sure, as soon as I went home I told it to Mrs Pawkie
as a state secret, and laid my injunctions on her not
to say a word about it, either to Mrs Hodden or to
Mrs Fegs, the wives of our two elect; for I knew her
disposition, and that, although to a certainty not a

344

THE NEW COUNCILLORS

word of the fact would escape from her, yetshe would
be utterly unable to rest until she had made the sub-
stance of it known in some way or another; and, as
I expected, so it came to pass. She went that very
night to Mrs Rickerton, the mother of Mr Feg'swife,
and, as I afterwards picked out of her, told the old
lady that maybe, erelong, she would hear of some
great honour that would come to her family, with
other mystical intimations that pointed plainly to
the dignities of the magistracy; the which, when she
had returned home, so worked upon the imagination
of Mrs Rickerton, that, before going to bed, she felt
herself obliged to send for her daughter, to the end
that she might be delivered and eased of what she
had heard. In thisway Mr Fegs got aforetasteof what
had been concerted for his ad vantage; and Mr Peevie,
in the mean time, through his helpmate, had, in like
manner,not beenidlejthe effect of all which was, that
next day, every where in the town, people spoke of
Mr Hodden and Mr Fegs as being ordained to be
the new councillors, in the stead of the two who had,
as it was said,resignedin so unaccountable a manner,
so that no candidates offered, and the election was
concluded in the most candid and agreeable spirit
possible; after which I had neither trouble nor adver-
sary, but went on, in my own prudent way, with the
works in hand — the completion of the new bridge,
the reparation of the tolbooth steeple, and the big-
345

THE PROVOST

gingof the new schools on the piece of ground adjoin-
ing to my own at the Westergate; and in the doing
of the latter job I had an opportunity of manifesting
my public spirit; for when the scheme, as I have re-
lated, was some years before given up, on account
of Mr Plan's castles in the air for educating tawny
children from the East and West Indies, I inclosed
my own ground, and built the house thereon now
occupied by Collector Gather's widow, and the town,
per consequence, was not called on for one penny of
the cost, but saved so much of a wall as the length of
mine extended — a part not less than a full third part
of the whole. No doubt, all these great and useful pub-
lic works were not done without money;but the town
was then in great credit, and many persons were will-
ing and ready to lend; for every thing was in a pros-
perous order, and we had a prospect of a vast increase
of income, not only from the toll on the new bridge,
but likewise from three very excellent shops which
we repaired on the ground floor of the tolbooth. We
had likewise feued out to advantage a considerable
portion of the town moor; so that had things gone on
in the way they were in my time, there can be no
doubt that the burgh would have been in very flour-
ishing circumstances, and instead of being drowned,
as it now is, in debt, it might have been in the most
topping way; and if the project that I had formed
for bringing in a supply of water by pipes, had been

346

THE NEW COUNCILLORS

carried into effect, it would have been a most advan-
tageous undertaking for the community at large.

But my task is now drawing to an end ; and I have
only to relatewhat happened at the conclusion of the
last act of my very serviceable and eventful life, the
which I will proceed to do with as much brevity as is
consistent with the nature of that free and faithful
spirit in which the whole of these notandums have
been indited.

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
THE RESIGNATION

CHAPTER XLVII THE RESIGNATION

SHORTLY AFTER THE BATTLE OF WAT-
erloo, I began to see that a change was coming in
among us. There was less work for the people to do,
no outgate in the army for roving and idle spirits,
andthosewhohad tacksofthetownlandscomplained
of slack markets; indeed, in my own double vocation
of the cloth shop and wine cellar, I had a taste and
experience of the general declension that would of a
necessity ensue, when the great outlay of government
and the dischargefrom public employ drew more and
more to an issue. So I bethought me, that being now
well stricken in years, and, though I say it that should
not, likewise a man in good respect and circumstan-
ces, it would be a prudent thing to retire and secede
entirely from all farther intromissions with public
affairs.

Accordingly, towards the midsummer of the year
1816, I commenced in a far off way to give notice,
that at Michaelmas I intended to abdicate my au-
thority and power, to which intimations little heed
was at first given; but gradually the seed took with
the soil, and began to swell and shoot up, in so much
that, by the middle of August, it was an understood
thing that I was to retire from the council, and re-
frain entirely from the part I had so long played with
credit in the burgh.

When people first began to believe that I was in
earnest, I cannot but acknowledge I was remonstrat-
351

THE PROVOST

ed with by many, and that not a few were pleased to
say my resignation would be a public loss; but these
expressions, and the disposition of them, wore away
before Michaelmas came; and I had some sense of
the feeling which the fluctuating gratitude of the
multitude often causes to rise in the breasts of those
who have ettled their best to serve the ungrateful
populace. However, I considered with myself that it
would not do for me, after what I had done for the
town and commonality, to go out of office like aknot-
less thread, and that, as a something was of right due
to me, I would be committing an act of injustice to
my family if I neglected the means of realizing the
same. But it was a task of delicacy, and who could I
prompt to tell the town-council to do what they
ought to do? I could not myself speak of my own
services — I could ask nothing. Truly it was a sub-
ject that cost me no small cogitation; for I could not
confide it even to the wife of my bosom. However, I
gained my end, and the means and method thereof
may advantage other public characters, in a similar
strait, to know and understand.

Seeing that nothing was moving onwards in men's
minds to do the act of courtesy to me, so justly my
due, on the Saturday before Michaelmas I invited
Mr Mucklewheel, the hosier, (who had the year be-
fore been chosen into the council, in the place of old
Mr Peevie, who had a paralytic, and never in conse-

352

THE RESIGNATION

quence was made a bailie,) to take a glass of toddy
with me, a way and method of peutering with the
councillors, one by one, that I often found of a great
efficacy in bringing their understandings into a do-
cile state; and when we had discussed one cheerer
with the usual clishmaclaver of the times, I began, as
we were both birzing the sugar for the second, to
speak with a circumbendibus about my resignation
of the trusts I had so long held with profit to the
community.

"Mr Mucklewheel," quo' I "ye're but a young man,
and no versed yet, as ye will be, in the policy and dip-
lomatics that are requisite in the management of the
town, and therefore I need not say any thing to you
about what I have got an inkling of, as to the intents
of the new magistrates and council towards me. It's
very true that I have been long a faithful servant
to the public, but he's a weak man who looks to
any reward from the people; and after the experi-
ence I have had, I would certainly prove myself
to be one of the very weakest, if I thought it was
likely, that either anent the piece of plate and the
vote of thanks, any body would take a speciality of
trouble."

To this Mr Mucklewheel answered, that he was
glad to hear such a compliment was intended; "No
man," said he, "more richly deserves a handsome to-
ken of public respect, and I will surely give the pro-
353 z

THE PROVOST

posal all the countenance and support in my power
possible to do."

"As to that," I replied, pouring in the rum and help-
ing- myself to the warm water, "I entertain no doubt,
and I have every confidence that the proposal, when
it is made, will be in a manner unanimously ap-
proved. But, Mr Mucklewheel, what's every body's
business, is nobody's. I have heard of no one that's
to bring the matter forward; it's all fair and smooth
to speak of such things in holes and corners, but to
face the public with them is anothersort of thing. For
few men can abide to see honours conferred on their
neighbours, though between ourselves, Mr Muckle-
wheel, every man in a public trust should, for his own
sake, further and promote the bestowing of public re-
wards on his predecessors; because looking forward
to the timewhen he must himself become a predeces-
sor, he should think how he would feel were he, like
me, after a magistracy of near to fifty years, to sink
into the humility of a private station, as if he had
never been any thing in the world. In sooth, Mr
Mucklewheel, I'll no deny that it's a satisfaction to
me to think that maybe thepiece of plateand the vote
of thanks will be forthcoming; at the same time, un-
less they are both brought to a bearing in a proper
manner, I would rather nothing was done at all."

"Ye may depend on't," said Mr Mucklewheel,
that it will be done very properly, and in a manner

354

THE RESIGNATION

to do credit both to you and the council. I'll speak to
Bailie Shuttlethrift, the new provost, to propose the
thing himself, and that I'll second it."

"Hooly,hooly, friend," quo' I, with a laugh of jocu-
larity, no ill-pleased to see to what effect I had work-
ed upon him; "that will never do; ye're but a green-
horn in public affairs. The provost maun ken nothing
about it, or let on that he doesna ken, which is the
same thing, for folk would say that he was ettling at
something of the kind for himself, and was only eager
for a precedent. It would, therefore, ne'er do to speak
to him. But Mr Birky, who is to be elected into the
council in my stead, would be a very proper person.
For ye ken coming in as my successor, it would very
naturally fall to him to speak modestly of himself,
compared with me, and therefore I think he is the
fittest person to make the proposal, and you, as the
next youngest that has been taken in, might second
the same."

Mr Mucklewheel agreed with me, that certainly
the thing would come with the best grace from my
successor.

"But I doubt," was my answer, "if he kens aught
of the matter; ye might however enquire. In short,
Mr Mucklewheel, ye see it requires a canny hand to
manage public affairs, and a sound discretion to
know who are the fittest to work in them. If the case
were not my own, and if I was speaking for another
355

THE PROVOST

that had done for the town what I have done, the task
would be easy. For I would just rise in my place, and
say as a thing of course, and admitted on all hands,
'Gentlemen, it would be a very wrong thing of us, to
let Mr Mucklewheel, (that is, supposing you were
me,) who has so long been a fellow-labourer with us,
to quit his place here without some mark of our own
esteem for him as a man, and some testimony from
the council to his merits as a magistrate. Every body
knows that he has been for near to fifty years a dis-
tinguished character, and has thrice filled the very
highest post in the burgh; that many great improve-
ments have been made in his time, wherein his influ-
ence and wisdom was very evident; I would therefore
propose, that a committee should be appointed to
consider of the best means of expressing our sense of
his services, in which I shall be very happy to assist,
provided the provost will consent to act as chairman/

"That's the way I would open the business; and
were I the seconder, as you are to be to Mr Birky, I
would say,

'The worthy councillor has but anticipated what
every one was desirous to propose, and although a
committee is a very fit way of doing the thing re-
spectfully, there is yet a far better, and that is, for the
council now sitting to come at once to a resolution
on the subject, then a committee may be appointed
to carry that resolution into effect.'

356

THE RESIGNATION

" Having said this, you might advert first to the vote
of thanks, and then to the piece of plate, to remain
with the gentleman's family as a monumental testi-
mony of the opinion which was entertained by the
community of his services and character."

Having in this judicious manner primed Mr
Mucklewheel as to the procedure, I suddenly recol-
lected that I had a letter to write to catch the post,
and having told him so, "Maybe," quo' I, "ye would
step the length of Mr Birky's and see how he is in-
clined, and by the time I am done writing, ye can be
back; for after all that we have been saying, and the
warm and friendly interest you have taken in this
business, I really would not wish my friends to stir
in it, unless it is to be done in a satisfactory manner."

Mr Mucklewheel accordingly went to Mr Birky,
who had of course heard nothing of the subject, but
they came back together, and he was very vogie with
the notion of making a speech before the council, for
he was an upsetting young man. In short, the matter
was so set forward, that, on the Monday following, it
was all over the town that I was to get a piece of plate
at my resignation, and the whole affair proceeded so
well to an issue, that the same was brought to a head
to a wish. Thus had I the great satisfaction of going
to my repose as a private citizen with a very hand-
some silver cup, bearing an inscription in the Latin
tongue,of the time I had been in the council, guildry,

357

THE PROVOST

and magistracy; and although, in the outset of my
public life, some of my dealings may have been
leavened with the leaven of antiquity, yet, upon the
whole, it will not be found, I think, that, one thing
weighed with another, I have been an unprofitable
servant to the community. Magistrates and rulers
must rule according to the maxims and affections of
the world; at least, whenever I tried any other way,
strange obstacles started up in the opinions of men
against me, and my purest intents were often more
criticised than some which were less disinterested ;so
much is it the natural humour of mankind to jeal-
ouse and doubt the integrity of all those who are in
authority and power, especially when they see them
deviating from the practices of their predecessors.
Posterity, therefore, or I am far mistaken, will not be
angered at my plain dealing with regard to the small
motives of private advantage of which I have made
mention, since it has been my endeavour to show and
to acknowledge, that there is a reforming spirit a-
broad among men, and that really the world is grad-
ually growing better — slowly I allow; but still it is
growing better, and the main profit of the improve-
ment will be reaped by those who are ordained to
come after us.

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flavour" of life itself, which, like good wines, are the better for long

keeping. It was the first "kail-yard" to be planted in Scottish

letters, and it is still the most fertile. The volume contains sixteen

of Mr Kerr's water-colours, reproduced in colour. 316 pp.

Buckram, 5/- net ; Leather, 7/6 net.

MANSIE WAUCH

By D. M. MoiR. This edition of the book, which has been designed
as a companion volume to "The Annals," contains sixteen illus-
trations in colour by C. Martin Hardie, R.S.A. Moir was one of
John Gait's chief friends, and, like a good comrade, he brought out
a rival book. Its native blitheness and its racy use of the vernacular
will always keep it alive. 360 pp. Buckram, 5/- net ;
Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.

T- N • FOULIS • PUBLISHER

BOOKS TO ENTERTAIN

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF IRISH LIFE

By GEORGE A. BIRMINGHAM. Its title suggests unbridled jocular-
ity— and it is in fact full of inimitable fun ; but there is a basis of
solid thought and sympathy to all the mirth. While replenishing
the common stock of Irish stories, Mr Birmingham adjusts our con-
ception of the race. Mr Kerr's sixteen illustrations in colour form
a gallery of genre studies, sympathetic and yet sincere, that allows
us to look with our own eyes upon Ireland as she really is to-day.
288 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.

IRISH LIFE 6? CHARACTER

ByMr?S. C. HALL. "Talesof Irish Life" will remind the reader
more of Lever or Sam Lover than of ' ' Lavengro. " It is effervescent
and audacious, ringing with all the fun of the fair, and spiced with
the constant presence of a vivacious and irresistible personality.
The sixteen illustrations by Erskine Nicol are in precisely the same
vein, matching Mrs Hall's sketches so manifestly that it is strange
they have never been united before. To look at them is to laugh.
33° PP- Buckram, 5/- net. Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.

LORDCOCKBURN'SMEMORIALS

"This volume," says The Saturday Review, "is one of the most
entertaining books a reader could lay his hands on." ' ' The book,"
says The Edinburgh Review, "is one of the pleasantest fireside
volumes that has ever been published." Cockburn's pen could tell
a tale as well as his tongue, and to read this book is to sit, unob-
served, at that immortal Round Table, with anecdote and reminis-
cence in full tide. With twelve portraits in colour by Sir Henry
Raeburn, and other illustrations. Extra Crown 8vo. 480 pp.
Buckram, 6/- net.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF CARLYLE

of INVERESK (1722-1805), edited by J. HILL BURTON. "He
was the grandest demi-god I ever saw," wrote Sir Walter Scott
of the author of this book. But, as these Memoirs show, he was a
demi-god with a very human heart, — or, at any rate, a "divine"
with a thorough knowledge of the world. It was probably these
qualities that made him such a prominent figure in his day, and it is
certainly these that give his Recollections their unique importance
and raciness. They provide * ' by far the most vivid picture of Scot-
tish life and manners that has been given to the world since Scott's
day." This edition has been equipped with a series of thirty-six
portraits reproduced in photogravure of the chief personages who
move in its pages. 612 pp. Buckram, 6/- net.

T • N • FOULIS • PUBLISHER

PR 4708 ,G2 P7 1913

SMC

Gait, John, 1779-1839

The provost /
AHK-1141 (mcsk)